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greifing the death of my mother still its almost been 3 years


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she was legally blind so I was always with her helping her being her eyes for her when she couldn't see stuff. we went everywhere together. id do anything to have some of that time back. I'm just still greifing. I'm not even sure that word is spelled right but I'm sure someone will know what I mean. I don't want to forgot about her she kept telling me once she dies don't be sad but I'm very sad right now I'm just kind of numb I want to cry but cant. I wish I could  have her back for just one more day. I hardly have any outside support I have a counselor that comes to my house every Friday. that is getting old I am soon getting out of that program and going back to the regally monthly psych doctor. I need real life girlfriends but I have no idea where to meet them. we do goto church every week but I haven't been able to find anyone there I am really shy in person until I know someone. right now they have me on different medicines and none of them are an anti depressant and I think that's what I need because I'm so depressed. I want to get stuff done its just hard to get started. well thanks for reading this far if you are please leave me some advice on how to be happy and move on with my life without my mom. I know shes in heaven I believe in God. I believed in God all my life.

thanks

 

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I'm sorry for your loss. Empty Inside is correct that we grieve in different ways and no one way is the right way. My mother will be dead 5 years and I still grieve her, especially when it hits me late at night that she is not coming back.

However, if this is still severely impacting your functioning after 2 years, I think you have a case for depression. Do you see a psychiatrist? I really strongly recommend a psychiatrist because they are best to sort out these issues from a medical perspective and can prescribe the correct meds including antidepressants if that is what you need.

As far getting through the grief ... the only thing that really helps is time. Time doesn't cure the grief, but it does make the wound less acute and more distant. Of course, if depression is inserted into this then you have to clear up the depression too.

I wish you well. My heart goes out to you because, as I said, I lost my mom nearly 5 years ago. But you can get through this and lead a normal life.

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I'm really sorry for your loss.  I lost my best friend last year, then another friend died on the same day.

I think it is a good idea to talk to your counselor on Friday and ask about someone to talk to more often (as empty inside said above).  For the moment, until Friday, is there someone you can call before then who you can talk to?

I agree with jt about seeing a psychiatrist (pdoc).  Are you on any medication right now who prescribes for you, that might be able to be tweaked?

Keep posting ... we are here to support here.

Also, welcome to CB.

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thank you everyone I don't see a psych I am seeing a nurse practitioner  for my medicine. I don't know why they didn't give me a regular psych doctor. is there any places I can go to meet new people make new friends? I was thinking about going

to local coffee shops since I am hooked on it and

see if I cant find a girlfriend there. I don't have many real life friends but I do have a hubby who is my bestfriend.

thanks for listening.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm really sorry for your loss. It has been 3 years since I lost my father who was also legally blind. He had a brain tumor that crippled and detorrirated his health. 

It took me a year and a half to find the motivation to seek help. I was a mess, I have never been much of a crier, not even a closet crier, but after losing him, I'd get into hysterics and cry at random times, in public, whenever and wherever. My doctor prescribed me Celexa and I started to feel a glimmer of hope.  

However, when certain holidays are around the corner, I still can't help but to feel envious of the people around me who still have their parents. 

This is not conventional, but I read: Ghost among us- by James Vann Praggh. It definitely put my mind at ease. Provided some comfort in his passing. 

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I am so sorry for you loss Blissful.

My brother died 5 years ago and my grief still brings me to my knees at times. When I really feel it coming on and I have the space and am alone, I drop to the ground and scream and grovel with despair.

Then, I close the lid of my well of pain and get on with life.  

There have been too many people who have died in my life. Many friends from HIV. I was in WWIII and no one knew. My friends were dying. THis was when I developed my well of pain.
The lid has got to come off at times but in order to live, I close up the well, put on the chains and take a step forward.
At the same time, if I don't let myself grieve when I need to grieve, the backlash is terrible. I crack the lid open and let the pain still out. 

I agree with JT, it does sound like you have situational depression. Find a psychiatrist. They know so much more than regular doctors about AD's.

I meet people at the library. And don't forget, it takes time to build up a real friendship. You will, but pick the people carefully. Someone who also has the time and the desire. Many women I know are so busy, even though I would LOVE to build our friendship, they have no time and it is just putting me in a vulnerable easily hurt place.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My cousin died 16 years ago and thinking about it is still very painful. I don't feel like I have gotten over it, or like there is a way to get over it . But I can definately live with the pain now.

I agree that this sounds like situational depression. There are a lot more people trained in grief counselling than there are in clinical psychology. I don't live in the same country as you but I know in my country what I would do would be to ask the local hospice for advice, they would know who to put me in touch with.

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  • 1 month later...

I feel your pain. I lost my mom 2 yrs ago. It was all very sudden for me. She was having pain in her leg and vision problems. Her stupid Dr kept saying it was a pinched nerve in her leg. This went on for 3 months sending her to eye specialists and Aqua therapy. I knew it was something else. My mom was a real tough woman. I have never seen her in so much pain but I never would have guessed cancer. I knew nothing about the disease. She was scheduled for a bone scan and I picked her up that morning to go to hospital. She never made it back home. She never let the hospital. She was in so much pain after the scan that I brought her to ER. and within 1 hr they came and told us that she had cancer. It was so hard to see her stunned sad reaction. The next day they did biopsy and told us it was stage 4 lung cancer and she only had 3 months to live. She lived only 2.5 terribly painful months. I will never get over the pain of having to watch her suffer. It was is so hard. Everything was suddenly on my shoulders. I'm an only child and my dad committed  suicide when I was 11 months old. My whole life is crazy like this. I feel like I don't belong in this world anymore. I feel like I woke up in someone else's life. I will never get over this. We were always so close. She worked so hard as a single mom to take care of me. She didn't have anything easy in life, even in her death she still suffered more. And it should have been caught sooner. I am full of anger. Struggling with my faith in God. Struggling with everything. nobody seemed to understand. I tell them how I feel. I'm pretty honest about things. All they say is "oh you don't feel like that or life goes on.. And it just makes me want to punch them . So Ive been trying to tough it out alone. Then I found this site Thanks for letting me vent. Glad to know I'm not the only one. 

 

 

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I.lost my mom 29 years ago when I was 15 and when I get into my depressive moods I break down still. I try and push it from my head. I don't think I've ever delta with it properly and it still haunts me deep inside. I believe my mom is in heaven and I will see her again. That at least gives me some comfort. I'm also 2 years away from the age she was when she died and it is really scaring me. When I was young I remember my mom telling me she wasn't afraid to die. She knew great thing would await her. 

Have you ever tried any local support groups? Maybe you can find a new bestie and help each other through this.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Like has been said here, grief is a very complex business and different people go through different phases at different rates. I think it might help if at some point you ask yourself would the person you lost want you to feel how you do for so long. \

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3 hours ago, Mccmac said:

Like has been said here, grief is a very complex business and different people go through different phases at different rates. I think it might help if at some point you ask yourself would the person you lost want you to feel how you do for so long. \

Great point.

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