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Do you think I am a narcissist?


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I was diagnosed with OCD and depression at 15 and have had all sorts of obsessions. Right now I'm convinced I am a narcissist, but this doesn't feel like OCD. I have many reasons to think I am:

- I am fixated on becoming famous. I hate it and I want it to stop but it seems every action I perform is towards becoming famous. I start hobbies because I think I'll get famous with that hobby.

- I dislike other people being more successful than me, more intelligent than me.

- I think negatively about everyone and everything.

- I seek constant external validation.

- I attention seek.

- I can't feel many emotions at the moment, just envy and generally negative things.

 

I really don't want to be a narcissist but fear I am. I can't stop thinking negatively about everything and I can't seem to let go of the delusions (about being famous). I want to work in film, but have begun to question whether I only want to work in film because I want to become famous.

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6 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Do you have a therapist? This would be perfect to bring up with a therapist. Unfortunately, we cannot diagnose because we are a peer support site.

I do. I'm currently in CBT but they think it's just OCD.

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1 hour ago, Nathan said:

I was diagnosed with OCD and depression at 15 and have had all sorts of obsessions. Right now I'm convinced I am a narcissist, but this doesn't feel like OCD. I have many reasons to think I am:

- I am fixated on becoming famous. I hate it and I want it to stop but it seems every action I perform is towards becoming famous. I start hobbies because I think I'll get famous with that hobby.

- I dislike other people being more successful than me, more intelligent than me.

- I think negatively about everyone and everything.

- I seek constant external validation.

- I attention seek.

- I can't feel many emotions at the moment, just envy and generally negative things.

perhaps with the exception of wanting to become famous, this sounds like the majority of people in the world. It doesn't sound like you're especially narcisstic. I think like most traits, narcissism is on a continuum, so you may be a bit more of it than the next person, but the whole label? not sure.

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3 hours ago, Lingpra said:

Look at Donald Trump, he's a narcissist 

You could be very successful as a narcissist go make movies if you want.

I don't want to be successful as a narcissist. I want to make genuine connections with other people.

2 hours ago, Go Ask Alice said:

We aren't really qualified to label you a narcissist or not. I will say one thing though, people who are concerned about being narcissistic usually are not.

I would say this is a question for the pdoc.

I've heard this a lot, but surely some narcissists are self-aware?

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6 minutes ago, Nathan said:

I've heard this a lot, but surely some narcissists are self-aware?

There may well be narcissists who are self-aware, but I can tell you one thing, despite being self-aware they don't spend their time worrying and obsessing over the fact.

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53 minutes ago, jt07 said:

There may well be narcissists who are self-aware, but I can tell you one thing, despite being self-aware they don't spend their time worrying and obsessing over the fact.

It's just so much of my personality is about gaining admiration from other people, to the extent that I don't really know who I am anymore.

 

I do things like read high brow literature to be seen as intelligent. I'm trying to resist the urges to "show off" or give into my narcissistic side at the moment, have been for the past few months but the overwhelming desire to be famous keeps coming back.

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When I saw the title I thought you meant the personality disorder. You are not describing NPD at all.

how is your self esteem Nathan? When I feel inferior, not confident, for whatever reason, I think that way.

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3 minutes ago, confused said:

When I saw the title I thought you meant the personality disorder. You are not describing NPD at all.

how is your self esteem Nathan? When I feel inferior, not confident, for whatever reason, I think that way.

I do mean the personality disorder.

I guess my self-esteem is actually quite low, hence the need for external validation. I think I must compensate the lack of self-esteem with seeking fame and approval? I genuinely hate feeling like this. My entire life feels a sham.

Just last night I went to a concert. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd love to be up there on the stage. I have literally no musical ability, but I started to want to enter a career in music. This is how stupid is has gotten.

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Well, I said I didn't think it is NPD, which is true, but I can't tell you what you have or not.

when I think of NPD and I could be wrong, I think of people that always have to be right and belittle others. Maybe that is something else. 

Anyways, I shouldn't have jumped in here. 

I am sure you know more about narcissism than I do.

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6 hours ago, domovoi said:

perhaps with the exception of wanting to become famous, this sounds like the majority of people in the world. It doesn't sound like you're especially narcisstic. I think like most traits, narcissism is on a continuum, so you may be a bit more of it than the next person, but the whole label? not sure.

This is true. I think everyone likes to look good in front of others. Everyone enjoys compliments. You say you are driven to seek fame. Others may be driven to seek power. Some are driven to seek wealth. Still others are driven to seek something else. Whatever floats your boat. I don't think you are more narcissistic than most other people. I think your therapist is correct and the fact that you are obsessing on this indicates that it is part of your OCD.

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16 hours ago, jt07 said:

This is true. I think everyone likes to look good in front of others. Everyone enjoys compliments. You say you are driven to seek fame. Others may be driven to seek power. Some are driven to seek wealth. Still others are driven to seek something else. Whatever floats your boat. I don't think you are more narcissistic than most other people. I think your therapist is correct and the fact that you are obsessing on this indicates that it is part of your OCD.

But not everyone does these things excessively, surely? Sometimes I cannot stop thinking about these things. I also have an excessive need for admiration and when I type this into Google it came up with "Narcissistic personality disorder."

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Google is not a doctor. I would rely on what your doctors and therapist say. The very fact that you can't stop thinking about these things points to OCD. This is why I think your therapist has good reason to say that it is part of your OCD.

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1 hour ago, jt07 said:

Google is not a doctor. I would rely on what your doctors and therapist say. The very fact that you can't stop thinking about these things points to OCD. This is why I think your therapist has good reason to say that it is part of your OCD.

I know, I know but I can't help it. Everything about NPD seems to fit me, to a tee.

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Well, I can open a medical book and I can probably find at least 10-15 diseases, some fatal, that I think fit me to a tee also. This is why we have to rely on the objectivity of our medical providers. I know that it is easy to get sucked into believing something, but you really have to lean on your treatment team and trust that they will see you through this. They have the training and the experience to objectively look at your symptoms.

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Others here have some great points and I would support their perspective and don't need to repeat it.

One thing I've experienced before that may or may not be helpful--during my second episode of depression at the highest point of my anxiety, I became convinced that I had virtually every mental illness that exists.  I made a chart for the psychiatrist at the hospital that listed which illness and the reasons why/symptoms in favor.  Fortunately, he took it in stride, tried some gentle persuasion with respect to larger ones that don't qualify, reminded me that the treatment would really be what matter anyway, and let it go away.  It did--as my anxiety got back under control and my head got reoriented, I was infinitely less obsessed on diagnoses and on convincing everyone that they all applied.  I did still have the depression v. bipolar question, but I call that fair because they did as well.

So--slightly different situation in that I attempted to swallow the entire DSM and you're attempting to swallow only one diagnosis.  But I think the point is similar--that it definitely can be anxiety related and in this case for you, OCD specifically related.  It sounds by definition like an obsessive thought pattern by how you describe it--seeing everything through that lens, not being able to consider a different perspective, focusing on it exclusively, being super concerned about it, etc.  I'm not saying that it definitely is OCD or definitely isn't NPD.  But I agree that really in the long run, it's something for you to sort through with your psychiatrist and therapist who know you better and also are trained at diagnosing these things.  And that it's also sometimes helpful to keep in mind the perspective of the hospital pdoc--that really the diagnosis isn't what matters, it's the treatment.  you're aware of the situation, if it even is a situation, and you're working on it.  That's really what counts. 

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