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People who don't look at me suck!


madmax15
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Recently I had a friend who won't look at me at all especially when I'm talking to him. I'm thinking WTF did I do?  Did I do something wrong? It's just really rude. Or maybe he has different reason for not looking at me...

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Don't you usually complain about people *looking* at you?

If what you say is actually true, he isn't a friend. It has nothing to do with you, at least based on the info you have provided so far. But you have misinterpreted others' behavior in the past. Is he looking at his phone or tablet? If he was, that is quite rude.

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How about asking him? We can't POSSIBLY know what's going on with your friend/not-friend.

If I were going to do this I would say something like, "Hey, I noticed you don't seem to make much eye contact when we talk. I was wondering if there was a reason you'd be comfortable sharing with me, or if it was just a one off."

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Totally a shot in the dark here that I doubt you'll even consider (because I've read your other posts and you tend to not believe us when we come up with other explanations) but... I just thought I'd mention that some people are very shy or have some kind of social anxiety which makes it hard to look at people in the eyes. Maybe this person does too? 

Also- I  think autistic people have a hard time looking into other people's eyes. But I could be wrong about that. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong about that.

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I agree with BlurredBoundaries' suggestion. I don't know if anything like this is the case for your friend, but having social anxiety or autism can make it very difficult and anxiety-inducing to look people in the eye, or look at them at all. Unless you are the only person he won't look at (and looks at anyone else he talks to), it's unlikely to be personal.

My suggestion would be to ask your friend calmly and give him a chance to explain his reasons. Whichever way, it's possible that he might not realise how much it bothers you when he doesn't look at you, and who knows, even just bringing it to his attention might make him try harder to do so.

Edited by amianthus
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On 5/29/2016 at 5:27 AM, madmax15 said:

Sorry I didn't explain properly. It's not looking at me in the eye that's the problem.  He avoids looking at me ALL TOGETHER...

Why not just ask him? If he's your friend, he won't mind telling you.

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  • 2 months later...
Just now, dancesintherain said:

Is there a reason you're fixating on this?

Because the only reason why I wouldn't look at someone AT ALL would be if they said or did something I didn't like. I don't know WTF I did wrong to this guy? I'm dying to find out the reason... 

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1 hour ago, madmax15 said:

He got annoyed that I complained that why our circle of friends don't invite me to things. 

I cannot process that sentence. I think it means that he was annoyed because you complained that your circle of friends don't invite you to things. 

Am I to assume that he is looking at you now or is he still not looking at you? If he is still not looking at you, I'd try to find another friend.

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I think it may be the case that this person doesn't feel friendship toward you. I don't want to speculate over the motivations of a person I haven't met but if it is the case that he isn't friendly to you then I can empathise.

I think the earlier suggestions of finding another friend and talking about this to a therapist should be priorities. Hope you feel more settled.

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