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so last Tuesday I overdosed in an attempt to end my life,   obviously I failed - not sure how I feel about that

 

but I can't stop thinking about what I could have done differently to have made it more successful - so that the next time I get it right

 

I've been obsessing over this all day

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I have obsessions like this too. They're very dangerous and my care team tends to take them seriously. Perhaps reach out to your therapist or psychiatrist to let them know you are feeling this way?

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Yeah, this is not really OCD. This is more serious because with OCD people don't usually act on their obsessions and you are planning to act on your at some indeterminate time in the future. I second contacting your pdoc and tdoc and tell them this.

You need help, CFL. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

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I wasn't sure if this was related to my ocd, cause I obsess over many things constantly

 

I just wasn't sure what this was related to

i'm safe right now i'm staying with a friend - and I only have enough meds on me to get to Tuesday so I wouldn't bother to try anything with them

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It still might have something to do with your OCD, but I think it is more serious than an OCD obsession and needs to be dealt with before you do act on it. You can't take a chance on it.

Are you going to see your doctor on Tuesday? If not I strongly urge you to call your doctor and see if you can get in to see him/her as soon as possible. Also see if you can't get in to see a tdoc.

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11 hours ago, jt07 said:

It still might have something to do with your OCD, but I think it is more serious than an OCD obsession and needs to be dealt with before you do act on it. You can't take a chance on it.

This exactly. I've had similar obsessions, and my doctors all agree OCD was playing a huge part in fueling the constant obsessive thinking. But it was dangerous - unlike classic harm OCD, where you are very unlikely to hurt yourself - because of comorbidity with bipolar. The mixture of the two meant that I began to act on my OCD obsessions around suicide and self-harm. 

That all being said, I'm glad you're safe for now and I hope you can come up with a longer term solution for these thoughts.

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This really makes me sad and worried R

I really wish you would call your care team and get them involved . 

As we discussed before if you are thinking about suicide move to California and don't tell anyone. It will give you a fresh start and piss off and hurt everyone around you

these ongoing plans of yours are obviously dangerous .OD ing rarely if never works and then you can't move or breathe and the  only way we can see that you finally " get it " is the look in your eyes. I have seen it many times before on failed suicide attempts with many different methods. The  really scary statistic is the more you try you might be more likely to die

what if this is all there is ? What if you really only get one go around in this life and it's over and done with no second chances no wishing things were different ? What if you are dead it over no heaven no God and no reincarnation It's s over and done with and you are worm food?

give the people who love you a chance . Give your treatment team one more go around what if this time it works ?Look at what you have given up before the miracle happens!

If you are obsessing ao do something different . Go find something you love ...;... Go volunteer go do something different because hon this ain't working. Try different treatments go give ECT a try whatever it takes

get out of that apartment where you spend so much time alone . Please go get help its past time

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