Everyone knows...

[rnorth512]

A little backstory: Last fall I was admitted into detox for alcohol and they said my behavior looked like bipolar. I was definitely manic based on what I remember and what I have read. I went into therapy after detox and got dx'd "Alcohol Induced Bipolar". They said I couldn't get a real diagnosis until after I've been sober a year. I had communication problems with my first pdoc so I switched and the second one diagnosed me Bipolar very quickly. Too quickly if you ask me. Like, "Read your file, you're bipolar". Anyway, I've been depressed for about 6 months, sober for almost 8. 

My last few weekends have all had similar themes. 1. Social gatherings involving my girlfriend and her family/friends. 2. Alcohol and/or drugs (them not me). 3. Being surrounded by people who know at least some of the details of my fall (alcohol detox/potentially bipolar). 4. Being surrounded by people who are much wealthier/successful than me. 5. Being in situations that should be fun and relaxing, but aren't to me.

So yea, my girlfriend spilled the beans to enough of her social circle when I went to the hospital that everyone I see on weekends has a little bit of my most private information. Why did she do that? She needed support from her friends. I understand that to a point... but not to this point. Everyone knows. I mean like 50+ people. If not from her then through the grapevine.

I am extremely self-conscious of both the detox and the MI and I'm having an extremely difficult time enjoying these situations. I'm also bothered by the alcohol and drugs... I'm not bothered that they're doing it. I'm bothered that I can't. It makes me feel like an outcast. Those issues combined make my weekends borderline miserable. BUT they're my only social outlet at this point. Being depressed for this long, I haven't been good at filling my own social calendar. 

I'm not sure what I should do at this point. Does anyone have any advice on how to enjoy social situations with borderline strangers that know you have mental/addiction issues? 

[melissaw72]

Welcome to CB

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I am not sure what to say at the moment, but wanted you to know I read your post.

Do you have a therapist to bounce ideas off of?

Personally, I would distance myself from the friend who told people (whatever she said) your private information.  If it were me that would really piss me off.  I mean how can you trust her anymore?

[rnorth512]

Thanks for the welcome and for reading Melissa!

I do have a therapist, but they haven't been of much help yet. 

Distancing is an option, but I'm not sure that would help given my current state. I'm also certain it was not her intention to hurt me. My episode caused a lot of damage. She was badly hurt by my actions and reached out to whoever she could. 

[melissaw72]

She might not have had any intention to hurt you, but she did.

I'm sorry your therapist (tdoc) isn't much of a help.  You are welcome to bounce ideas off of us here at CB!  (just keep in mind we are people on the internet here and not DRs)!

Personally in social situations I am in, I don't feel comfortable and don't enjoy it, unless everyone knows about my MI (which can spread like wild-fire in a small town).  With others knowing me and that I have a MI, then I don't get all these questions that I have to answer off the cuff, that I am not prepared for.  If someone asked a question about the MI, I don't mind talking about it, except I won't talk about when I went off meds and was psychotic, and the things that I did that were embarrassing (which most of it was).  If someone hears about it and stays away from me because of that, then that person isn't worth my time.  So when in social situations I feel more comfortable talking about MI when they already know.

 

[philosophin]

Dude, I would be pissed if my SO went and blabbed my private info to a buttload of people...why did she do that?  It strikes me as borderline vindictive, and potentially dump-worthy.

Can I ask why you stay in a relationship with someone like this?  You sound miserable. 

Sorry if that sounds confrontational, but I'm genuinely annoyed on your behalf.

[jt07]

Personally, I would view this as a betrayal. It is a betrayal of your underlying friendship and of your most intimate secrets. I don't think of it as any different from infidelity except one is physical and one is emotional. 

Personally, I would view this as a betrayal. It is a betrayal of your underlying friendship and of your most intimate secrets. I don't think of it as any different from infidelity except one is physical and one is emotional. 

[sugarsugar]

I don't totally have an answer. I've been sober many years, enough so it no longer bothers me that I can't drink, it's just a chosen lifestyle now. I haven't found much interest in my non drinking, and since I don't discuss it at all, it's a non issue. As to the BP/MI, at this point, the only ones who know have died, or I no longer see them. It was not a topic of discussion before, and I was happy to just ignore it. I guess as long as everyone ignores it, I don't bring things up. Also, now that I think of it, when I was newly sober, I made new friends at sobriety meetings, that got me used to socializing, esp doing it sober. That might be helpful and something to consider. I personally would hate my business talked about, but you seem OK with it. I think the longer I was sober, the more comfortable I felt, but with MI, I'm secretive and would be a bit nervous about stigma. A lot nervous. But maybe the other people really have other things on their minds and don't think of your issues much at this point, that would be my guess. 

 

Edited June 2, 2016 by sugarsugar