Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

gals wacha think? Should I send this


Recommended Posts

Hawkeye, I feel your pain. I've been there and it sucks ass. However I don't see how sending a letter like this can help. First off, it sounds very needy. Needy is not an attractive trait in anyone. Second, actions speak way louder than words. You need to show Kris that you've changed and what you are willing to now do. If you are now right with yourself, then your actions will speak for themselves and she will notice. It is then up to her to decide if she wants to take another chance on you. You can't convince her with words.

It is good to let those thoughts out, I just wouldn't send it to her. Keep it for yourself, and keep writing. It will help keep you on track with regards to your own behavior.

Like I said, I've been there. After me and hubby split up this past summer, he came crawling back telling me how sorry he was and how much better he'd be. I got love notes and promises out the ass. Trouble is, his behavior has not changed much at all. He's nicer, sure, but still very lazy as far as our family life goes. I'm thinking of leaving him for good. I'm heartbroken. But the only person you can change is yourself. He can send me letters like the one you've written all day long, but until I see definite, lasting changes, I won't believe him.

Good luck, and keep working on you. Regardless of whether or not you think it'll make her come back.

Just my two cents,

Croix

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hawkeye, I feel your pain. I've been there and it sucks ass. However I don't see how sending a letter like this can help. First off, it sounds very needy. Needy is not an attractive trait in anyone. Second, actions speak way louder than words. You need to show Kris that you've changed and what you are willing to now do. If you are now right with yourself, then your actions will speak for themselves and she will notice. It is then up to her to decide if she wants to take another chance on you. You can't convince her with words.

It is good to let those thoughts out, I just wouldn't send it to her. Keep it for yourself, and keep writing. It will help keep you on track with regards to your own behavior.

Like I said, I've been there. After me and hubby split up this past summer, he came crawling back telling me how sorry he was and how much better he'd be. I got love notes and promises out the ass. Trouble is, his behavior has not changed much at all. He's nicer, sure, but still very lazy as far as our family life goes. I'm thinking of leaving him for good. I'm heartbroken. But the only person you can change is yourself. He can send me letters like the one you've written all day long, but until I see definite, lasting changes, I won't believe him.

Good luck, and keep working on you. Regardless of whether or not you think it'll make her come back.

Just my two cents,

Croix

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I loved this response. When she left she answered a friend of mine who had written her, saying that I was needy! That was during the depths of my depression and dealing with BP issues that I didn't even know I had.

During a week or so span, I was working 70 hours plus per week, Closing on a house, she moved, Divorce was going south, Thyroid storm hit. Me needy????

But since then(2003) I have grown; no longer needy- heck I could just as easily tell her to fuck as well.

I appreciate your comments they made me think!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Croix, note for note.

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of missive, and as my hero Liz Phair sings, "boxed it up and buried it in the ground."

My therapist of yore, the one who told me how to listen to non-verbal language and ignore verbal taught me this mantra:

"When what they say (word aloud or on paper) is different from what they do, listen to what they do."

It hasn't failed me yet. Not that I heed the advice, but when I apply the rule it works.

Show me; don't tell me. Particularly when you have a history of broken written or verbal promises.

My 2 chick sense.

Hugs,

Suze

p.s. I also agree; keep it for yourself, keep adding to it. It sounds more like journal material. If "it" what ever that is, between you and Kris is real, this convo should happen eye to eye, IMO. If she's at the point where she doesn't even want to see your face, you have a few miles to travel before you can make this pledge f2f. Again, IMO.

But keep writing...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Needy and clingy and separation anxiety. Yup. Been there - STILL do that!

I can only agree totally with the responses to your post. I know better, but I still respond poorly in a situation where I like someone.

The thing I would question in your posts, however, is this statement.

Quote:

During a week or so span, I was working 70 hours plus per week, Closing on a house, she moved, Divorce was going south, Thyroid storm hit. Me needy????

But since then(2003) I have grown; no longer needy- heck I could just as easily tell her to fuck as well.

Quote.

I don't see how you can look at the letter you were thinking of sending NOW - in 2006! and then say you have grown and are no longer needy.

Note that the responses to your original post NOW say you appear to be needy.

And to say ytou could "just as easily tell her to fuck, as well" certainly doesn't tell me that there was much real truth to your original post. Your letter strikes me as manipulative.

Something in your statements is not matching up.

The most telling thing, to me, is your opening statement that you have had "issues with deception in the past." I don't know what form they took, but it sure sounds to me like you still do. Either of yourself or her.

If you really DO want an equal relationship with this person, take to heart the previous suggestions. Don't send the letter. Treat it as a journal. And let your actions speak for you.  Behave the way your saying you will. If you haven't already burned your bridges to her this will say more than anything you could write. If you have already burned the bridges, then sending a letter like this won't undo the damage and will probably only add to any negative feelings she might have.

I guess I'm sounding harsh here, but maybe it's almost like I think I'm talking to myself. I hate it when I see these behaviors in myself and think of some of the great people and potential relationships it cost me.

Good luck,

Steve

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great responses to all. Sometimes we need another to put everything in perspective. Why I wrote that was another friend told me that I should. So I did. I look at it now after the comments made and I agree with ALL.

I DID NOT SEND IT NOR WILL I.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...