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Iwant2befree

BULIMIA/FOOD ADDICTION

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Hi y'all.... I am 39 and exhausted ? When will this hell end? That moment when you're in the grocery store and you find yourself going down the snack cake isle .... heart starts to race ,you even start to get panicky and hot all over almost break into a sweat hoping that the strong hold of food addiction and the need to purge surpasses. ..... but it doesn't ? That bastard wins again! Next you find yourself in the parking lot looking around hoping that no one is around to witness what's about to happen..... 

I WANT TO FREE ! I WANT TO LIVE LIFE NORMALLY ! WHYYYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? TO YOU?

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Edited by Iwant2befree
missing word.

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I remember having that feeling at one point in my life.  I had an ED for 20 years, and have been fine since 2008.  When I was at the point of the food addiction where I couldn't handle it ... my pdoc prescribed naltrexone.  It is a med that is used for alcoholics and smokers when they are trying to recover.  However my pdoc tried me on it for food addiction even though I was not an alcoholic or a smoker.  And it worked.  Still on it too because if I went off of it (I tried to go off of it), the voracious appetite came back.  So he put me back on it.  I still get hungry, but not the intense cravings that I used to have.

Anyway, thought I'd just mention it.

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I hear your suffering.  It feels crushing to be stuck in binge-purge cycles like you describe.  Also, there's a jumble of feelings-- guilt, shame, worthlessness.

Do you have a therapist?  Many ED sufferers see a therapist, psychiatrist, and nutritionist for treatment.

Wanting to be free and wanting to live normally is great.  To me, that signals your readiness to reach out for help, to talk about this, and to take a step forward.

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8 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I remember having that feeling at one point in my life.  I had an ED for 20 years, and have been fine since 2008.  When I was at the point of the food addiction where I couldn't handle it ... my pdoc prescribed naltrexone.  It is a med that is used for alcoholics and smokers when they are trying to recover.  However my pdoc tried me on it for food addiction even though I was not an alcoholic or a smoker.  And it worked.  Still on it too because if I went off of it (I tried to go off of it), the voracious appetite came back.  So he put me back on it.  I still get hungry, but not the intense cravings that I used to have.

Anyway, thought I'd just mention it.

Thank you so much for your story and for the name of the med that has worked for you! ? 

7 hours ago, lifequake said:

I hear your suffering.  It feels crushing to be stuck in binge-purge cycles like you describe.  Also, there's a jumble of feelings-- guilt, shame, worthlessness.

Do you have a therapist?  Many ED sufferers see a therapist, psychiatrist, and nutritionist for treatment.

Wanting to be free and wanting to live normally is great.  To me, that signals your readiness to reach out for help, to talk about this, and to take a step forward.

Not yet Lifequake.... I am hoping to get a therapist soon. And thank you! 

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Guess what? ! Today I had my appointment with the Moncrief  cancer Institute for survivors and I just let it all out... cried and cried... I couldn't help it though but it felt damn good! So gonna start yoga soon and therapy and exercise hopefully all together along with meds things will get better ?

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I'm glad you were able to let it all out!  It does feel good to just talk and talk to get it all out of you system.

I hope the therapy , yoga, and exercise all work out for you!

 

Edited by melissaw72
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Letting it out is a good start! I'm glad you finally were able to talk about it with someone.

I hope the meds and exercise continue to help :)

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I am glad you let the emotion flow and felt heard.  All the things you mentioned (therapy + exercise + yoga) can be helpful and healing.

Be patient and keep opening up.  :)

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How are you doing since your last post?  It seemed like when you posted you were on a good path ... is that still going ok?

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^_^Good morning!  Yes things are looking brighter. Getting help from the Moncrief cancer Institute! I'm on the waiting list to see a therapist, my new dietitian set that up for me ! I'm very excited! Thanks for asking .

Edited by Iwant2befree

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So sorry my beautiful friends...I wish my phone dinged every time someone wrote something lol.... yes I told my husband that it felt so good to say what I was going through and someone know what I was talking about instead of looking at me like I was crazy. Yesterday my friend invited me to walk around a track with her while her son practiced for soccer.... for 2 hours! But it felt soooooo delish! But of course I forgot to turn on the pedometer on my phone ?

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What a lovely update!  I'm glad you got a dietician and will be getting a therapist.

Walking is great exercise, and it's always fun to do so with a friend.

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You must have good stamina to be able to walk for two hours.  Thats a really amazing start.  

I'm fighting my own eating addiction right now and am far, far from recovery.  I binge but thankfully don't purge.  You're certainly not alone here!  

I responded to a thread on Facebook today asking what your favorite 4 letter word is.  Mine was THIN.  Hmmm.  It's hard for me to get there when i focus on food all the time. 

 

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My 4 letter word would probably be food.  I can empathize not being able to meet goals because of focusing on food too much.  The bast way I have found to not focus on food too much is to keep a food log.  I write what I eat, what time.  I do not count calories, and I don't write down portion sizes.

The way it helps is, is that when I write down when I eat, and the time of day, I don't think about food as much (or as much as I used to) because it is written down.  I don't have to think back what I ate and the time because it is already written down.

Idk if that helps anyone, but it works for me.

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4 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

My 4 letter word would probably be food.  I can empathize not being able to meet goals because of focusing on food too much.  The bast way I have found to not focus on food too much is to keep a food log.  I write what I eat, what time.  I do not count calories, and I don't write down portion sizes.

The way it helps is, is that when I write down when I eat, and the time of day, I don't think about food as much (or as much as I used to) because it is written down.  I don't have to think back what I ate and the time because it is already written down.

Idk if that helps anyone, but it works for me.

Thanks Melissa.  I'll try this.

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17 minutes ago, TakeAChillPill said:

Thanks Melissa.  I'll try this.

You're welcome!  I hope it works out for you.  For me it took out the thoughts of what I ate and when, so my brain can focus on other things, rather then trying to remember what I want to eat/or have eaten.

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