Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
BP71

Am I having disassociation episodes?

Recommended Posts

I'm 44 years old with bipolar 2.  I was diagnosed in my 20s and have been on continuous medication for almost 4 years.  I am not sure when it started, but I know I have been "blacking out" for at least 2 years.  I only became fully aware of what was happening a couple months ago.  I am not - and never have been - a heavy drinker.  I do not use drugs except for the ones prescribed by my pdoc and once daily marijuana for sleep.  I only started the marijuana a month ago, so it does not have anything to do with the blackouts.  I have several confirmed episodes ranging from 24 to 60 hours of doing things with no memory.  Once I talked to family and friends on the phone and drove my car with no memory.  Recently, I lost 24 hours in which I screamed horrible things at my husband and drove him out of the house.  During the same 24 hour period, I somehow broke my phone and threw garden tools (including a pick axe) around the backyard and broke a large glass top patio table.  I have absolutely no memory of any of these things.  I also have lost many things in the past couple years with some of them later turning up in bizarre places.  Other things never turn up.  My pdoc has referred me to a sleep specialist to rule out a sleep disorder, but my husband and I think that this is unlikely.

I would appreciate input from anyone who has knowledge and/or experience regarding this situation.  I am frightened and do not want this to continue - especially if I am going to drive or possibly hurt someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have some sparse knowledge on the topic of disassociation.  I think most people who do this have experienced a lot of trauma in their lives.  If this is the case I'd talk to your doctor and ask if your past is affecting you now in this particular way.  If you psychiatrist cannot help you then  consider seeing a psychologist.  

I hope you can find the answers you need.  I am sure it is very disturbing.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It does sound within the realm of possibility.  My only experience with losing time was when I took Ambien for sleeping and for whatever reason it reacted with my brain chemistry in such a way that I did an endless number of things in my sleep and then had no memory of them the next day.  I was eating, posting on crazyboards, getting into arguments, making food, and I had a tea party with our dog.  Fortunately I was living with someone at the time who caught it.  If you haven't had any major medication changes, though, it doesn't seem like it would be a medication reaction.

Do you have any sense of how long it's been going on?  (I know it sounds kind of strange to ask you if you remember how long you haven't been remembering things, so this might not have an answer.)  Were there any medication changes right around when it started happening?  Or, has your stress level been substantially higher since it started for any reason?  Any major events that could cause head trauma like a car accident or bad fall? 

The length of time would make me think that something like dissociation due to internal stuff is more likely than an external cause like a medication, but it's at least worth considering.

There's also a type of seizure where you completely lose time while still doing things.  I'm not sure to what extent you can be doing things though--I think it generally tends to make people fairly rigid in nature.  But it might not hurt to see if my understanding is wrong in case it needs to be ruled out.  (Someone here might know also.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have dissociation but in the past different things happened and I had the same thing happen to me, where I'd lose time.  This happened to me when I was psychotic and off of meds.  (Not saying you are, just that losing time happens to me for other reasons).  I only remembered in the moment, and things from the day before I had no recollection of it.  I lost weeks at a time at my worst.  On meds I haven't had a problem.

It also happened to me with ambien.

I agree with dances about med changes recently, increased stressed.  Also lack of sleep.

Did your pdoc try any other meds or do a med tweak?

I hope the sleep study goes well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't tend to post here, as I tend to stick to the dissociation board. But I figured I'd wander over. Did you know that both anxiety and depression can create conditions for dissociation? I'm not sure how you are in relation to those (although I will guess that, since you're bipolar, you've experienced depression once or twice) but if your anxiety or depression aren't being adequately treated that could be not exactly helping the situation, or even fuelling it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like Rosie, I generally don't post over here, but I'll throw in my two cents. Anxiety can certainly be a cause of dissociation. When I experienced dissociation, I remembered everything afterwards, but I was not in control of what I was doing and was completely oblivious to what was going on around me. I couldn't talk or figure out where I was or why I was stuck in a body. It scared me to death when I came out of it. I immediately talked to my pdoc, who said my depression/anxiety could be causing it.

Looking back on what happened, I was going to have an anxiety attack in public, and a switch went off. I dissociated. It was kind of like armor- if I was out of touch with all my problems and everything going on around me, I was safe. 

I would be curious to know what happened to you before each episode- was there something that triggered a memory of trauma? Was there something that made you very anxious? What were you doing right before this happened? I know you don't remember the episodes themselves, but maybe you remember the last thing that happened before them?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How do I find the disassociation board?  Thanks for all the input. Severe anxiety must be the trigger.  I'm not sure how to avoid the episodes, though.  When I'm very anxious, I take Ativan and intend to stay quietly at home.  Frustrating.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By Aeiou62
      I need some energy, some motivation, some good manic voodoo. Why cant i have that without losing my damn fool mind.?
      Hasnt anyone looked at that? Why must I be either lazy and lethargic or 90mph? Im always tired, always fatigued. I need to know how to get my mojo going WITHOUT my kookoo taging along every time. I cant believe nobody has studied this.
    • By braindeadbedhead
      This is a long shot, but I figure I can't be the only one who has ever had this thought. Is there a way to induce a state that includes the productivity/happiness of mania - without all the extra bullshit? 😅
      Mania is better than any drug, the euphoria is incomparable. Every time I skip a few days of sleep, feel an increase in energy, or anything that might be the beginning of an episode, I think - ''Please let this be the onset of the best feeling in the world. I can't do this shit anymore''. I feel so guilty admitting to that, because I know that being manic and being functional are generally not compatible. I also don't ever want to end up in hospital again, because that never fails to be a de-humanizing experience.
      I have not had any symptoms of mania since my last hospital admission, three whole years ago. It was the first and only manic episode that I've ever had, and it lasted for about three months. I feel like I could have avoided hospital completely if I had experienced mania without the accompanying psychosis. If I could just achieve that level of elation without:
      rapid speech word-salad delusional beliefs dangerously impulsive acts (e.g. jumping out of a car on the highway because the sky looked beautiful and I wanted a loser look) I look back on those ugly symptoms and I could never cope with them now. I go to college full-time, I work, and I have so much to lose if I lost the ability to communicate with others and behave safely. On the other hand - my life just feels so damn gray and stagnant; I miss feeling invincible. 
    • By csr
      For the last 20 years i am taking, 800mg Lithium, 200mg Quitipine, 150mg Serlift, 150mg of Bioprion, 0.75 of Alprozolam.  I am now 54 years. Life is going on by God Grace. 
       
       Physiological Problems Either 
      Mental Illness   2. Behaviour 
      In Behaviour  special children  in public places Masterbating, or touching the Genetical Parts or Touching Chin....... 
         
      For me, from the age of 28 years to till now, I did not go to the above extreme, but 
      Whenever I go outside I used to see Ladies private parts, then my mind change to normal. I was working many firms for the  lost 30 years. 
         
      Now I am facing shame is , my daughter 22 years. When we go outside me, wife and daughter, I did the same thing and my daughter noticed also. Still many responsibility for me, like my daughter marriage, then there is  a  functions etc. 
         
      So I want your advise. I need to have Therapy or Physiatrist Doctor. Can you pls advise. 
       
      I have been on Sertaline 100mg for the last 20 years and for the last 5 years Buprion 150mg XL (to reduce the smoking, i reduced to 4 per day). As i said above an example, i find very hypersexuality and i find one article today. Here i enclosed here.
        My question: how to replace Sertaline 100mg and will stop Buproin 150mg completely. Can anyone give suggestion Pls.
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       

    • By thebakerbunny
      Hi, all. I feel like a newb oldie: been on here a while, still feel dumb as shit with all the o chem breakdowns and acronyms.
      Anyway- I've been maxed out on effexor xr for years now. I've taken it pretty consistently for...12 years? with a few breaks to try something new. There aren't many details I can remember well (always had a bad memory, now it's basically a vestigial feature), but here's what I've garnered: 
      *SSRIs and i seem to not mix. Not just some side effects, but all the side effects, and no or negative improvement.
      *wellbutrin did nothing for me. Not good, not bad- just nothing. 
      *Effexor was good- great, even- before I tapped out. I've just been staying with it till I can figure something out.
      *currently, I take 225 mg Effexor (and several doctors have told me now that they flat out won't go above that), 150 lamictal, and klonopin and Ambien as needed. (And as I've been mightily depressed lately...I've been "as needing" them a lot more.)
       
      I've been wanting to change for a while now, and I've been studying up to see what might be some better options, but haven't had a tdoc or pdoc in the meantime. I'm meeting new ones shortly and I want to take some suggestions to them. Problem is that I'm allergic to a few things, with varying degrees of severity and type of allergic reactions. Any suggestions of SNRIs, TCAs, or MAOIs that aren't: 
      *sulfa-meds (full body hives. Like...full body- between my toes, in my buttcrack...😬)
      *compazine (difficult breathing, light anaphylaxis.)
      *darvocet, Vicodin (full-blown anaphylaxis.)
       
      I have been given morphine with no reaction (so, what- does this mean that synethics cause issues, but cleaner natural versions don't?), and take imitrex regularly. I'm not smart enough to understand all of the individual components, and too ADD to have the patience to learn which causes what.
      I feel like it's got be something pretty potent, since I've been middling- to severely-depressed pretty constantly (easily 8 out those 12 years), but I also don't need anything that's going to make me lethargic. Apathetic, fine- just please, no serious drowsiness.  
      I defer to you guys and gals and pals for what your thoughts are on what might be most effective, but also won't send me to the ER.
       
    • By Adolf
      "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants?
      Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
×
×
  • Create New...