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To preface, I am freakishly sensitive to cognitive effects of AC's.

Serious question: Do you think the universe might want me not to be on meds and to die sooner vs taking an AC? 

I'm very confused about how I can best contribute to this world, and it is very distressing.

Any input is welcome and appreciated.

 

 

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No, I don't think you'd be better off dead than on meds. It's not even close.

What AC are we talking about here? Some are more notorious than others when it comes to cognitive side effects. I have not really had any cognitive side effects from Tegretol to speak of. With Lamictal I did have cognitive side effects at 400 mg.

But ... why must you absolutely take an AC? Lithium and APs are often the go-to meds for bipolar disorder.

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I am also very sensitive to anti-convulsants. All three experiments in taking them - lamictal, topamax, depakote - were miserable failures. I had to be hospitalized because depakote caused such terrible side effects. Thankfully, I respond somewhat well to lithium.

It looks like you're on a very low dose of lithium; probably not a therapeutic level. Is the plan to go up on that?

ETA: universe definitely does NOT want you to die. 

Edited by aura
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I agree with jt and aura ...  I don't think you'd be better off dead than on meds. 

Quote

I'm very confused about how I can best contribute to this world, and it is very distressing.

How do you want to contribute to the world?  What would you like to do in order for you to feel like you contributed something?

What would you want to contribute to the world?  money, your time, etc ...

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16 hours ago, jt07 said:

No, I don't think you'd be better off dead than on meds. It's not even close.

What AC are we talking about here? Some are more notorious than others when it comes to cognitive side effects. I have not really had any cognitive side effects from Tegretol to speak of. With Lamictal I did have cognitive side effects at 400 mg.

But ... why must you absolutely take an AC? Lithium and APs are often the go-to meds for bipolar disorder.

Thank you, jt.  My perspective is wrecked right now.  But maybe there's hope with different meds.

16 hours ago, aura said:

I am also very sensitive to anti-convulsants. All three experiments in taking them - lamictal, topamax, depakote - were miserable failures. I had to be hospitalized because depakote caused such terrible side effects. Thankfully, I respond somewhat well to lithium.

It looks like you're on a very low dose of lithium; probably not a therapeutic level. Is the plan to go up on that?

ETA: universe definitely does NOT want you to die. 

That feels validating.  It's hard when something works wonders for others (e.g. Lamictal, Tegretol) but is an epic fail for oneself.

Can't read or work @ higher dose lithium.

6 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I agree with jt and aura ...  I don't think you'd be better off dead than on meds. 

How do you want to contribute to the world?  What would you like to do in order for you to feel like you contributed something?

What would you want to contribute to the world?  money, your time, etc ...

I don't want to be a burden anymore.  Maybe I'm just not seeing the whole picture right now.  Thank you for posing questions and commenting.

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I don't think you're a burden.  From what you've said about people in your life you're valued - you're certainly valued here.

I think others have said it, but if AC side effects don't work for you, there are other options, AAPs in particular.

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