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so my started with FAS and taken away from my mom right at birth, she had drinking problems and drug problems while my dad was in jail and that was my first day on earth and its already that sad. Then i was taken to a foster home where i met someone i would know as my mom and since she raised me i thought she was my mom which i later found out she wasnt cause she left me in the dirt just like everyone else in my life later one. After that i would move to a bad home where the foster dad didnt give a shit about any of us he would tell me santa isnt real and all the stuff that young kids believe in he would steal money from what cfs gave him and spend it on himself while we were giving 10 dollars clothing allowance a month which is why i was made fun of during when i went to school and plus i had all these problems at home (foster home) already my life is starting to suck real bad so i started getting depressed when i was 9 and i didnt know what it was so i didnt know what to tell people or explain how i was feeling and also he would lock us in the basement every day we were not allowed to leave it..... yeah you care about me alright i would tell myself, He would always he my parents never cared, that nobody cared about me and that was why he was in my life he said that nobody cares and that i care he would say. So im already sad and depressed at age 10 and crying wishing i could live with my old foster mom again i called her crying on the phone begging take me back but she didnt care. so i move out of that old foster home but now i got problems and issues and im mentally scarred from it, so i move into some random place for kids who have no where to stay and oh boy there loved me i went out to see my friends on the 1st day i was there i since it was my 1st time being there i didnt know how to get back home and it was a new area so i couldnt find my way home i called them....BOTH OF THEM the mother and the dad and they said they couldnt help me because they gave me bus tickets so i was stuck on the streets for about 3 and a half days walking around i tried to sleep in a bus shack but it was raining to hard and it was loud and i ended up staying up for 3 and a half days in the rain and cold just wearing a t shirt and shorts so i go to my buddys place and ask if they can help me but they were racist and called the cops on me hoping i will do to jail. So then the cops take me away and i have no idea where there taken me and they took me back to that foster home the ones who didnt care about me at all they didnt even pick me up when i need them too. So i move out of that home and im living with one of my bros but now i got trust issues and im paranoid and broken and im only 13 i wasnt going to school because i was very depressed so after that i move to like 4 other homes none of them worked. so now i move to the home where im living at right now and i meet my family for the 1st time and they got me into drugs and a bad crowd and i remember my dad telling me that my mom was a hooker which brought me to tears i was trying hard to hold it in and hide them from my dad and then about a year after that i got paranoid schizophrenia and was put in a psych ward for almost 7 months and when i came out i was different it was hell in there, I was scared of my surroundings because i been in there so long and people tell to my life wasnt bad at all that there are people out there who got it worse than me and thats just the stuff i can put to words...........thats only some of the bad stuff that happened so i stand before you a broken men (the best way to break a man is to break him before he becomes a man)

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I persisted through the block of text (though support the request to break it apart) and don't have a ton to share other than to say that the people who say "others had it harder" and "you didn't have it that bad" are absolute assholes and are wrong.  Hopefully you agree with that?  You've named a gazillion traumatic things throughout your entire childhood and even if you hadn't, it's not like there's supposed to be a competition for what's worst.  Trauma sucks period and you've been through it.  It's not debatable.

as a former GAL I have to say that it breaks my heart when I hear of someone coming into the system at birth and then eventually aging out.  It is such evidence of how much the system fails kids.  I was a big fan of teen clients, but a cute little baby should be the easiest to find a loving permanent home for. There's no excuse for it.  (I wish that were the case for kids of all ages who can't go back to bio parents, but it's at least true for the youngest ones.)  I once got a kids case at 15 and she came in when she was 5--and it was a situation of re-placement after re-placement and disrupted attachment after disrupted attachment.

anyway, that might not be helpful. Sorry for the babbling.  Do you have a therapist to talk some of this through with (who is actually decent at handling trauma)?  And do you have a safe place to live now?

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