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i'm just so sick of this shit. i dont even know what to write. its all so fucking repetitive. i hate this, i hate my life, i hate feeling so messed up and nonfunctional. i'm so sorry for venting my feelings like this. i know i just repeat the same message over and over...nothing ever changes. all there is to look forward to is more depressive episodes, balanced by episodes of being completely numbed to everything around me (usually drug-induced). i'm just so sick of it all. no amount of meds, therapy, or lifestyle changes is going to exise this ugliness from me. there is no hope. nothing will change, in the long run. i'm just so exhausted by trying to deal with all of this. i dont even have the energy to cry over myself. i'm sick of being all "me me me", but i dont know what else to do. my mom says that doing stuff outside her own head, something useful for someone else, is what helps her get over depressive times. but i'm not my mom, and i cant rightfully take on someone else's issues without resolving my own first. at least, thats what i think...i just dont know anymore. i feel sick.

- hannah

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i'm just so sick of this shit. i dont even know what to write. its all so fucking repetitive. i hate this, i hate my life, i hate feeling so messed up and nonfunctional. i'm so sorry for venting my feelings like this. i know i just repeat the same message over and over...nothing ever changes. all there is to look forward to is more depressive episodes, balanced by episodes of being completely numbed to everything around me (usually drug-induced). i'm just so sick of it all. no amount of meds, therapy, or lifestyle changes is going to exise this ugliness from me. there is no hope. nothing will change, in the long run. i'm just so exhausted by trying to deal with all of this. i dont even have the energy to cry over myself. i'm sick of being all "me me me", but i dont know what else to do. my mom says that doing stuff outside her own head, something useful for someone else, is what helps her get over depressive times. but i'm not my mom, and i cant rightfully take on someone else's issues without resolving my own first. at least, thats what i think...i just dont know anymore. i feel sick.

- hannah

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you tried EMDR?
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i'm just so sick of this shit. i dont even know what to write. its all so fucking repetitive.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hannah, I know exactly how you're feeling. Don't be sorry about posting repetitively if it helps you - it's what these boards are for. Depression is by its very nature pretty banal and futile, but you've at least managed to be quite eloquent about how completely fucking frustrating it is. I've posted extensively recently, and have the same feelings every time I post about being repetitive. But sometimes, you just need to get things out!

i'm sick of being all "me me me", but i dont know what else to do.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutely. I can't concentrate on anything at the moment but my own miserable ruminations. But you have to keep reminding yourself that you have an ILLNESS, and one that can get better. Depression is very selfish, but that selfishness isn't YOU, it's the illness.

Anyway, keep posting if you need to, no matter how pointless and repetitive it feels. There's a lot of people here (including me) who have felt the way you do.

Hope this helps in some small way!

Andrew

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what is EMDR? what does it stand for, libby?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't remember what it stands for, but it's a way of dealing with traumatic events in the past.  You end up feeling different about them.  Like you can remember that it happened, but the PTSD stuff is no longer attached.  You can remember it calmly.  It no longer has any power over you.

Here's a link.

http://www.emdr.com/briefdes.htm

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