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It's not fair. It's not fair that my situation isn't fair...ugh.

Life isn't fair. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION?! I'M GOING TO THE PUB - dammit, I can't drink! Wait, that's an idiom. Or is it a metaphor? Shit, now I have a headache.

Life isn't fair, but that doesn't give people the right to be assholes. And yet there are assholes everywhere I turn. Corruption, hypocrisy, deception, denial, manipulation, crime, the list goes on. These very wrong, very unfair acts don't bother them. My family, my neighbors, most of my entire neighborhood, the city council, and that's just in my little city! 

HULK SMASH!

I've recently figured out unfairness is at least one cause of my GAD and anger problems.

By unfairness, I don't mean yelling "that's not fair!" to your parents for grounding you all weekend as punishment for the viral YouTube video of you feeding your toddler brother worms and telling him they're noodles. I never did that, but I got grounded a lot for pointing out my parents were criticizing me about behavior they also exhibited and did nothing to fix. When you're five and know what hypocrisy is and have no qualms about telling it like it is...ugh. I wished I'd learned to shut up earlier. Would have given me a few more years before I had to start meds. Learning to shut up without meds would have saved me the trouble of groveling to a Lenin-Stalin fangirl sociology professor so she wouldn't report me to the dean and push for my expulsion after I pointed out very bluntly that Lenin's revolution involved murdering a bunch of people just because they were rich, and Stalin also murdered a bunch of people and partnered with the Allies only when Hitler threatened the Soviet Union.  

So, I'm talking about social problems outside your control that are inherently unfair across society, from family all the way to the entire Earth. Things people around you can just shrug off and say, "that's just the way it is," while you shake inside because you don't want to live on this horrible planet with horrible people you can't change. 

Does this sound familiar? 


 

 

 

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6 hours ago, crowduck said:

So, I'm talking about social problems outside your control that are inherently unfair across society, from family all the way to the entire Earth. Things people around you can just shrug off and say, "that's just the way it is," while you shake inside because you don't want to live on this horrible planet with horrible people you can't change. 

Does this sound familiar? 


 

 

 

Sounds familiar to me too. I never attributed the way I feel to anxiety, anger yes, and depending on what it is sometimes I'll obsess about it for days, weeks, months or even years and drive everyone around me to the brink talking about it and thinking I can think the world into change.

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Answering the title of your post:

Quote

Does unfairness make you anxious?

Yes, it happens to me too and sounds familiar also.  The biggest thing that makes me anxious it when someone takes credit where credit is due elsewhere.  It just really irks me.

Also when something unfair happens, I usually have no control of the situation which gets my anxiety going.

As with you, the criticizing by your parents unfairly (like they get to do it, I can't, so why can't I), I'd also be anxious and fed up too (been there done that).  To me it sounds like with your parents there is a power trip going on.

(or did this happen when you were a kid?)

 

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10 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

Answering the title of your post:

Yes, it happens to me too and sounds familiar also.  The biggest thing that makes me anxious it when someone takes credit where credit is due elsewhere.  It just really irks me.

Also when something unfair happens, I usually have no control of the situation which gets my anxiety going.

As with you, the criticizing by your parents unfairly (like they get to do it, I can't, so why can't I), I'd also be anxious and fed up too (been there done that).  To me it sounds like with your parents there is a power trip going on.

(or did this happen when you were a kid?)

 

Been this way since i was a kid, back then 90% of it was my dad. They don't deliberately power trip. For example, my Dad lashes out because he thinks any criticism of his behavior is an attack on his identity and self-worth. Luckily for all of us he can separate his identity from his work performance so he doesn't have any problems at work. I can empathize now with him - his baby girl had the moral compass of a grown-ass adult and was criticizing him when he (in his own mind) had never done anything wrong or mean to deserve her wrath. I say wrath because I wasn't just annoyed, I was furious. Mom could see it back then as an unusually precocious commitment to fairness about stuff that adults cared about, but kids aren't supposed to talk back to their parents and other authority figures, let alone yell at them when said authority figure is being a stupid asshat. Employees aren't supposed to even correct their bosses, and going to HR involves a significant amount of tact and diplomacy. Not much was known about autism then, and I am female-assigned-at birth, non-binary (they don't get that but they are okay with it) and back then there was no such thing as Aspie girls. I was just spoiled and precocious and by the way, there's a pill for that.

Now I'm working with my t-doc to accept the reality that I am SOL with meds and my home life is toxic to my mental health, and also learn how to keep my mouth shut when the odds are not in my favor.

Mom is brain-damaged now and it's become clear that Dad's problems are so ingrained there is very little hope he could ever relate to people in a healthy way. Mom has almost no short or long-term memory, so she can't remember any conversations anyone has ever had. She has rewritten 95% of my childhood to "crow duck had behavior problems for no reason and the meds kept her from ruining her future." She also can't remember conversations. 

 

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On 6/19/2016 at 9:30 AM, crowduck said:

So, I'm talking about social problems outside your control that are inherently unfair across society, from family all the way to the entire Earth. Things people around you can just shrug off and say, "that's just the way it is," while you shake inside because you don't want to live on this horrible planet with horrible people you can't change. 
 

On 6/19/2016 at 4:20 PM, Jessamine said:

Sounds familiar to me too. I never attributed the way I feel to anxiety, anger yes, and depending on what it is sometimes I'll obsess about it for days, weeks, months or even years and drive everyone around me to the brink talking about it and thinking I can think the world into change.

 

t

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8 hours ago, crowduck said:

Been this way since i was a kid, back then 90% of it was my dad. They don't deliberately power trip. For example, my Dad lashes out because he thinks any criticism of his behavior is an attack on his identity and self-worth. Luckily for all of us he can separate his identity from his work performance so he doesn't have any problems at work. I can empathize now with him - his baby girl had the moral compass of a grown-ass adult and was criticizing him when he (in his own mind) had never done anything wrong or mean to deserve her wrath. I say wrath because I wasn't just annoyed, I was furious. Mom could see it back then as an unusually precocious commitment to fairness about stuff that adults cared about, but kids aren't supposed to talk back to their parents and other authority figures, let alone yell at them when said authority figure is being a stupid asshat. Employees aren't supposed to even correct their bosses, and going to HR involves a significant amount of tact and diplomacy. Not much was known about autism then, and I am female-assigned-at birth, non-binary (they don't get that but they are okay with it) and back then there was no such thing as Aspie girls. I was just spoiled and precocious and by the way, there's a pill for that.

Now I'm working with my t-doc to accept the reality that I am SOL with meds and my home life is toxic to my mental health, and also learn how to keep my mouth shut when the odds are not in my favor.

Mom is brain-damaged now and it's become clear that Dad's problems are so ingrained there is very little hope he could ever relate to people in a healthy way. Mom has almost no short or long-term memory, so she can't remember any conversations anyone has ever had. She has rewritten 95% of my childhood to "crow duck had behavior problems for no reason and the meds kept her from ruining her future." She also can't remember conversations. 

 

I'm sorry you can't have conversations with them. And I'm glad your father can set his identity aside so he is able to work.

Quote

Mom could see it back then as an unusually precocious commitment to fairness about stuff that adults cared about, but kids aren't supposed to talk back to their parents and other authority figures, let alone yell at them when said authority figure is being a stupid asshat. Employees aren't supposed to even correct their bosses, and going to HR involves a significant amount of tact and diplomacy.

^^ I know what you mean ... I hear you on this.  Unfortunately it had to be this way for you.  Actually it probably happens to adults too. 

Based on what you wrote, Do you see men having an advantage over women, as opposed to women having the advantage over men?  ie, do you think men can get away with more by talking back to authorities, and how employees are not supposed to correct their bosses?  Like do you think men are less likely to get into "trouble" than women are when things like this happen (what you wrote in the post above)?

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Have you ever considered volunteering at a Social Justice organization, or something that addresses unfairness, even if only a tiny portion of it? I volunteered a lot in the lbgtqi community when coming out in Pittsburgh was still a huge risk, and HIV was running rampant. Discrimination makes me angry. All I can do is my little bit.

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On June 20, 2016 at 0:37 AM, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry you can't have conversations with them. And I'm glad your father can set his identity aside so he is able to work.

^^ I know what you mean ... I hear you on this.  Unfortunately it had to be this way for you.  Actually it probably happens to adults too. 

Based on what you wrote, Do you see men having an advantage over women, as opposed to women having the advantage over men?  ie, do you think men can get away with more by talking back to authorities, and how employees are not supposed to correct their bosses?  Like do you think men are less likely to get into "trouble" than women are when things like this happen (what you wrote in the post above)?

Generally yes and the degree varies greatly depending on the field, gender ratio, location, demographics, etc. Regardless of worker protections (assuming there are worker protection polices in place and they are enforced) in many workplaces there is some sort of unofficial peer pressure NOT to report - mostly conveyed in nonverbal and/or "coded" language that is hard to take to HR...

 

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47 minutes ago, crowduck said:

Generally yes and the degree varies greatly depending on the field, gender ratio, location, demographics, etc. Regardless of worker protections (assuming there are worker protection polices in place and they are enforced) in many workplaces there is some sort of unofficial peer pressure NOT to report - mostly conveyed in nonverbal and/or "coded" language that is hard to take to HR...

 

^^ Totally agree.  Sometimes that can be the hardest to deal with in the workplace.

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On June 26, 2016 at 2:01 PM, crtclms said:

Have you ever considered volunteering at a Social Justice organization, or something that addresses unfairness, even if only a tiny portion of it? I volunteered a lot in the lbgtqi community when coming out in Pittsburgh was still a huge risk, and HIV was running rampant. Discrimination makes me angry. All I can do is my little bit.

 I have volunteered a lot in the past, mostly with local autistic advocacy groups, but there are now multiple schisms in the community involving the different therapeutic models, the DSM-5 changes, person first language, employment, education, independence, etc. It's complicated because if you've met one person with autism...you've met one person with autism.

Now my idea of volunteering includes moving to Australia to rehabilitate bats after getting the necessary education (might end up being a career if that's an important enough job to get citizenship, who knows), and working with at least one of the many local LGBTQ groups.

 

However...

My folks hate australia, think I will get Ebola if I work with bats, and I will come home from the LGBTQ organization headquarters a radical liberal and in a poly relationship. I am bisexual and when I came out last year, they were like, 'ok.' and went on back to their iPads. They act like they are saints because they didn't call me a F**. I'm like, you guys don't get a cookie for being decent human beings and not rejecting your child. Saying "okay" and going back to your iPad is the bare minimum.

TL:DR I've just recently begun to develop my own identity and I've discovered I am very different from my parents. And they are scared shitless because I am no longer their little sycophant.

 

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