Take my Clonazepam -- or beg family for medical marijuana money?

[Mirazh]

Hi there CB, long time no see, hahahaha.

Let's just get down to it.

Over a year ago I approached my pdoc about medical marijuana as an adjunct therapy.  Long story short, I'm a medical marijuana patient.  I've been one for a few months, I'm still building tolerance, figuring out dosing and strains/types, etc.  I'm getting much better at it though.  At the start of last month I spent $320 (plus GST, don't even get me started on that soapbox) and it lasted me until, well, yesterday.  And I was trying to stretch it.

My sleep is SO SO SO much better, for the past three months I've had a regular sleeping pattern, and have discovered at 30 years of age that I am apparently a morning person.  As someone out of work for three years while I applied for disability (and got approved a few weeks ago, wooo-hooo!) this kind of regular anchoring rhythm is INVALUABLE right now.

I smoke it, going for a vapourizor yes but can't get one yet -- not only for sleep but also for daily management.  Like I unexpectedly had to cut back on my Dexedrine, I mean I was expecting medication reductions but not the Dex specifically.  This is a good thing though, actually, I'm finding.  Still feeling things out and talking them over with the pdoc, but the possibility of no more typical ADHD stimulant meds is honestly on the table right now.  That's pretty amazing.

I find it helps a LOT with social anxiety of course, but I find a huge amount of my "social anxiety" is turning out to be like.  Sensory.  Gah.  And then people.  Not anxiety!people just.  People as a sensory overload.  And when my brain is having a more disorganized and forgetful day, medicinal marijuana helps keep me from getting agitated so I can actually still function, because getting agitated just makes the disorganization & forgetfulness worse.  Which makes me more agitated.  Like I don't go non-verbal I go hyperverbal but it just makes less and less sense as I get more and more frustrated and upset.  Weed helps me break that cycle instantly.

But I self medicated with marijuana for well over a decade, illegally, long before I was ever diagnosed with anything.  Which means I have a lot of weird hangups I'm working on getting over, even though I totally do know better.  And like some things are working but some aren't.

Like this.  I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this.  Because if I was doing this (WHEN I did this) with any other medication, I'd be taking this exact reaction I'm having as an indication that yes I do in fact need the medication.

But no, I'm doubting myself.

My friends, I have run out of my prescription pot.  My sleep was horrible last night.  I'm trying to get by on resin from my pipes but MY POOR LUNGS OH MY GOODNESS.  Also headaches, and also it sucks and will probably give me cancer faster or whatever.  Ugh.

I get paid on Wednesday or Thursday (could be either, won't know until Wednesday) which is when I can place another order with my dispensary.  I was going to try getting by until then.  I was going to resort to clonazepam if I had to.

I really really really don't want to.  It will mess up my sleep.  I will sleep too long and I will be groggy in the morning and it won't kick in when I lay down in bed 'cause I forget how to time the damn stuff for sleep.  And I hate using it for agitation/anxiety/overload during the day.  Also I really am preferring it to my Dexedrine too, I don't want to take my Dex.

But I still feel really guilty asking my family for money to help me purchase a little bit to tide me over until later this week.  Like I'm just supposed to try and go without.  And I'm pretty sure that's messed up?  Like I don't think I'm thinking clearly with this.

TL;DR -- am I just being silly by feeling guilty over asking my parents to help me buy some MJ to tide me over until my payday later this week, because I know I wouldn't be doing this with any of my other prescriptions.  It's just, I don't actually have to pay for any of my other prescriptions now.  But I have to pay for the marijuana.  I even have to pay tax on it.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Mirazh

[melissaw72]

Would you have to pay your parents back the $320?  If not, I would at least try to ask your parents about it.  OR maybe bargain with them, asking for half.  Would you have enough to cover half if your parents agreed to pay the other half?  Or maybe be on a payment plan?

I'm sorry if I missed this, but seeing that you are a  med marijuana patient, what would your DR say if you told him/her that you need some marijuana but have run out of money?  Would there be anything s/he could so to help?  Or give some suggestions?

[dancesintherain]

I was wondering the same thing as sbdivemaster...whether it's asking for money in general or asking for money for the (legitimately prescribed and medically supported!) medical marijuana.  I could see parents not completely agreeing with it, but would then wonder if there's some other reason you can give for borrowing the money--for example, if the choice is between it and food, phrasing it as running out of money to buy enough food because of other expenses (which is still true if that's important).  Also the possibility of whether they'd be more open to it after talking to the prescribing doctor, if said Doctor is open to it and can explain things well.

more long-term, is it a thing where increasing the amount of the prescription (if that's how it works) would give you enough to get through or otherwise reduce the cost?

[melissaw72]

Quote

Take my Clonazepam -- or beg family for medical marijuana money?

^^According to the title of the post, does your parents know you take MMJ legally?  And that you are asking for the MMJ specifically?

Quote

(could be either, won't know until Wednesday)

So it could be tomorrow AM that you get paid?

How have you been doing since writing this post?

[BP71]

$320 a month for standard marijuana seems like a lot. I smoke once daily on weekdays (work) and 2-3 times on the weekend. I use a vape pen which I think uses less weed on average per use.   I know that when I first started smoking, I used a pipe and didn't know how to pack the pipe. I used a lot more marijuana than I do now.   My mom - who is super support of anything that helps me - paid for my first bit of marijuana and my first cheap vape pen.   It never hurts to ask.  

[melissaw72]

Mirazh ... how are you doing?  Were you able to get through the day when you needed the MMJ?

[Sloane]

How are you doing Mir?

I'm a week late and imagine this issue is resolved, at the least by getting paid.

If this still matters.... is it possible to simply ask for "prescription" money from your family instead of being specific ? Also considering you will now receive monthly benefits (congrats!) you could suggest a loan that you will pay back (either by lump sum when you get paid or by installments). Although I don't believe you have anything to feel guilty about, having a loan plan could help with the guilt and ease the decision for your family.

[Gearhead]

Out of curiosity, why can't you get a vaporizer? Are they expensive? Hard to find?

[Mirazh]

Firstly, I am sorry for taking so long to reply back here.  Thank-you very much for taking the time to reply to me.  Let me attempt to address questions individually.  But first:

I did borrow money after all, it was from my room-mate, I borrowed $60 to cover 5grams plus shipping which is the smallest I can get from my dispensary (as far as I know, many other dispensaries are kind of the same.  They also all ship to patients -- you can't go to the dispensary to purchase your medication like a pharmacy.  I'm not sure if this holds true across Canada or if it's only a thing around Alberta/lots of BC/etc.  I live in a city in Alberta, and these are my only options right now for dispensaries.)

Basically, all my anxiety problems about this subject can be boiled down to the fact that I illegally self-medicated with pot for most of my adult life, and my years of experience in pot-smoking/pothead culture.  Which I never really left, even when I stopped smoking weed at my diagnosis a few years back.

This is gonna get a bit large, and somewhat repetitive.  I'm just trying to cover all my bases -- both for those of you who reached out to help me (thank youuuuuu) and also for anyone in the future who may come across this thread and find its contents of use for their own situation.

On 6/21/2016 at 5:36 AM, melissaw72 said:

Would you have to pay your parents back the $320?  If not, I would at least try to ask your parents about it.  OR maybe bargain with them, asking for half.  Would you have enough to cover half if your parents agreed to pay the other half?  Or maybe be on a payment plan?

I'm sorry if I missed this, but seeing that you are a  med marijuana patient, what would your DR say if you told him/her that you need some marijuana but have run out of money?  Would there be anything s/he could so to help?  Or give some suggestions?

Okay obviously there was confusion over how much I'd be asking to borrow, and I apologize for that.  $320 is what I spent already to get me through most of the month, as it would turn out -- just, I'd run out of it before I'd gotten paid again, which I was expecting soon.  But the prospect of even a few days without the sleep aid (let alone the other benefits) aspect was pretty terrifying.

Also, er, I've been readjusting back onto my Depakote/Epival.  Accidentally fell off it, forgot to refill it -- I'm on a rather low dose you see?  But like, still need to taper back on.  And I learned that the hard way.  Been talking with the pdoc now, I'm actually almost done the tapering back on -- but I've been suuuuuper scatterbrained because of all that which is only finally clearing up now.

I did pay back my room mate the $60.  I'm so sorry for the confusion, and thank-you for trying to help me hahaha.  I don't think there's anything my doctors can do at this time.  Unless they were to decide to help me out of their personal pocket, I don't think there's anything my gdoc or my pdoc can do for me.  My pharmacy has "fronted" medication for me before (given me my meds and then let me pay them back later) because they know me, but a dispensary in Canada (or at least my province) is a whole other creature entirely.  There's just not much infrastructure yet.

On 6/21/2016 at 7:36 AM, sbdivemaster said:

Do your parents know about the MMJ?  If they know, do they disapprove?  Is it the asking for money, or asking for money for MMJ that is the issue?

If it helps the way you describe, you should ask your parents for the money no matter what.

Not sure about Canada, but down here you can buy by the gram.  If you can, maybe you can get $20-$30 from your parents for a couple of grams to get you by for a few days...?

You didn't mention how much you bought for $320, so it's hard to tell how much you are smoking.  It's possible you may not be utilizing in the most efficient way, and causing you to run out sooner...?  That can be adjusted.

If I know a bit more, maybe I, and/or other members can help.

 

They know, they approve.  They're big fans, actually.  Despite that horrible mess of an OP, I'm actually calmer with the marijuana and my parents have noticed.  It was totally asking for money for MMJ that was the issue.

You're very right, in that if it helps in the ways described I should've been asking for help.  I did.  My mother was literally broke until payday, not even credit cards at the time (that means my stepfather too).  That's why I went with asking my room mate, in the end.  See?  Even when I don't return for the answers right away, simply posting here was enough to kick my butt onto the right track. 

I've explained a little bit above about the 5grams thing.  Some other dispensaries have different set-ups.  I'm a brand-new patient with a brand-new dispensary, actually.  They only just now got in the option to pay extra for same/next-day shipping.  I could get set-up with a different dispensary, though my options as far as I know aren't much more diverse -- some places would let me go as little as 3grams but that'd be pre-busted/shake, plus those dispensaries are a province or more away.  I'm with the first (and so far, only) dispensary in Alberta, which is my province.  So there are advantages to remaining with my current dispensary.  However, I have a consult coming up in August about this exact subject, and I'm definitely going to be asking about what other dispensaries are like.

I'm at $40/5grams with my dispensary currently.  Yes, that means $60 was rather excessive -- but I had to cover shipping, and the roommate only had $20s on him.  $320 was 40grams, lasting me almost a month.  I'm still a new patient, still figuring this out, also that re-adjusting back to my mood stabilizer thing up above?  Fairly sure by now I've been smoking more to combat how all-around shitty I've been feeling.  Haha.  Whatever works, I don't care.  I spent $240 at the start of July and I'm probably going to run out toward the end of this week.  That's much less that I went through, this time.

On 6/21/2016 at 2:23 PM, dancesintherain said:

I was wondering the same thing as sbdivemaster...whether it's asking for money in general or asking for money for the (legitimately prescribed and medically supported!) medical marijuana.  I could see parents not completely agreeing with it, but would then wonder if there's some other reason you can give for borrowing the money--for example, if the choice is between it and food, phrasing it as running out of money to buy enough food because of other expenses (which is still true if that's important).  Also the possibility of whether they'd be more open to it after talking to the prescribing doctor, if said Doctor is open to it and can explain things well.

more long-term, is it a thing where increasing the amount of the prescription (if that's how it works) would give you enough to get through or otherwise reduce the cost?

See above.  Literally just all in my head.  Over a decade's worth of legitimate paranoia as a kronic pothead (ie: illegally self-medicating pothead) is rather difficult to overcome.  Also: that damn med taper.  And life stressors.  Kind of a perfect storm.  I'm feeling much better now.

My parents were skeptical at first, when I first told them I was asking my pdoc about medical marijuana.  That was a year ago.  I have other family who utilizes it for medical reasons already, that they know.  My family is all-around very conservative, but they know effective treatment in their loved ones when they see it.  They see the positive benefits for me, and they're 100% on board by this point.

Unfortunately at this time buying in bulk doesn't decrease the cost.  Ironically, that is NOT THE SAME as if I were to be buying it off the black market (which has a ton of other risks and shitty things associated with it, not to mention it's illegal.  So.)  Basically, I'm still a really new patient, we're still figuring out WTF kinda dose I even need yanno?  And it's such a PRN kinda thing, both because the medication's strength can vary from dose to dose, plant to plant, etc. not to mention what's going on in my life.  Like taking it is similar to how most of my meds are prescribed: the PRN thing.  I'm given a max dose range (90 grams a month) and then within that I figure out what I need from day-to-day (I think my highest probably peaks around 2grams a day; average is probably 1.5grams a day?)

On 6/21/2016 at 3:41 PM, melissaw72 said:

^^According to the title of the post, does your parents know you take MMJ legally?  And that you are asking for the MMJ specifically?

So it could be tomorrow AM that you get paid?

How have you been doing since writing this post?

Yes, my parents know I take MMJ legally, and I'd be asking for money for my MMJ specifically.

I think I ended up getting paid on the SATURDAY.  Like WTF was that, government?  By that point I wasn't expecting a payment for a whole 'nother week.  Oh well.  I'm so glad it came through.

I've been doing much, much better.  Very distracted, terribly scatterbrained, sometimes convinced my friends all secretly hate me, and words have been incredibly difficult to string together.  But that's been getting much better.  *looks at calendar*  I'm a week-and-a-half into being back at 1000mg/day of my mood stabilizer (that's my dose!) so right on schedule too.  I expect the brainwebs will continue to clear for me over the next couple weeks.  I woke up this morning at 6AM and was all: "gee I should go post on CB to let them know I'm doing good!"  

On 6/23/2016 at 8:32 PM, BP71 said:

$320 a month for standard marijuana seems like a lot. I smoke once daily on weekdays (work) and 2-3 times on the weekend. I use a vape pen which I think uses less weed on average per use.   I know that when I first started smoking, I used a pipe and didn't know how to pack the pipe. I used a lot more marijuana than I do now.   My mom - who is super support of anything that helps me - paid for my first bit of marijuana and my first cheap vape pen.   It never hurts to ask.  

That would be because I smoke anywhere from 1g to 2g per day, and my prescription is actually for 3g per day though I have yet to fill that to its maximum.  Back when I was self-medicating illegally (which I did for years before my diagnoses; I stopped smoking weed when I got diagnosed and onto medications) with pot I was a pretty heavy all-day every-day smoker.  AKA: kronic, kronic pothead, etc.  I'm 30 years old and minus about 4 or 5 years total I've been smoking marijuana since I was 14.  18 - 26(?) were my heaviest years of use.  I only tell you this for informative purposes.  Even around my kronic pothead friends, I typically would seem to need more to experience the same intensity of effects as they were, plus mine would run out faster.  I quickly learned about supplying my own in social situations, because otherwise I just smoked up everyone else's.

My mother totally helps me purchase my medical marijuana -- you're very right that it never hurts to ask.  That's part of what was driving me so crazy -- I knew she'd help me.  I had felt lately like I'd been asking her for MMJ money all the time, which makes sense because I'm a new patient still figuring this stuff out.  But I kept freaking myself out, because OMG MARIJUANA.  (That totally means it's different.)

Fun fact: in that 18 - 25 period of my life, I went through a very similar period of anxiety-over-smoking-weed and then deliberately casting it off.  Honestly, no wonder I took to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy so well -- I figured out half that shit on my own before I ever learned it in therapy.  I've been combating this current anxiety in much the same way, except this time I also get to reassure myself that I have legal protection.

On 6/24/2016 at 0:07 AM, melissaw72 said:

Mirazh ... how are you doing?  Were you able to get through the day when you needed the MMJ?

Yes!  As above, doing well, managed to ask about borrowing money, which was the hurdle I needed to clear in the first place!  When my mother & stepfather turned out to be broke, since I was already talking to people, I spoke with a friend who was totally gonna lend me the money -- and then my room mate offered to lend it instead, when he heard me speaking.  So yay!

I find I get that calming effect just from having it, much like how knowing I have a clonazepam on me can help fend off an anxiety attack without me even needing to take it.  Except with the MMJ, it's more that I start freaking out about how I won't be able to sleep that night.

I know this stuff is perfect for my sleep now, because my damn nighttime routine already feels like a chore.  I don't WANNA smoke a twice-large session with the nighttime blend, it's chilly outside and my poor lungs!  But damn I love sleeping.  Haven't missed a night yet, if I've got the medicine.

(Yes I also smoke during the day -- different kinds, if I can get it, but if I'm stuck with one type I'll buy nighttime/anti-anxiety stuff -- but I'm so very in love with my stabilized sleep routine.  I think we're going to get married.)

On 6/24/2016 at 1:19 PM, Sloane said:

How are you doing Mir?

I'm a week late and imagine this issue is resolved, at the least by getting paid.

If this still matters.... is it possible to simply ask for "prescription" money from your family instead of being specific ? Also considering you will now receive monthly benefits (congrats!) you could suggest a loan that you will pay back (either by lump sum when you get paid or by installments). Although I don't believe you have anything to feel guilty about, having a loan plan could help with the guilt and ease the decision for your family.

Loan plan is a good idea for if I encounter this problem in the future.  Which I might.  I've done this in the past, with money for other things, back when I was working.  You're very right that I have nothing to feel guilty about.

You know what's "hilarious"?  I have been getting monthly payments.  $800/month!  On disability I get almost $1600/month so you can see why I'm so excited haha.

On 6/25/2016 at 0:09 AM, Gearhead said:

Out of curiosity, why can't you get a vaporizer? Are they expensive? Hard to find?

See the part above where I get $800/month, and yes expensive.  I have specific ideas in mind for what I want.  I know I could do a not-so-portable vaporizor, but I can't smoke even the vape in my current residence so a lot of vapes are out if they're plug-in-to-use types.  I definitely need something portable, which is why I'm looking at vaporizer pens.  Which definitely ain't cheap, especially if you want it to do the job properly and hold up to my ADHD hard-on-my-belongings habits.

Finding them is NOT a problem for me, I live in a city, there are smoking shops and head shops all over that sell them, and I could also shop online.

I'm actually owed back pay through 'til March 2016 from disability -- about half of that is owed to social assistance, for the monthly payments I got from them over the same period.  But I'll still be left with two to three thousand, if I did my calculations correctly.  One thing I am most definitely doing is purchasing a good quality vaporizer pen.  So this is something that will be fixed in the extremely near future.

Considering that one of my uses for MMJ is to help me cope with sensory overload/anxiety/social interaction/etc. (basically, I get really ripped before going into downtown on a weekday to run appointments, for example) I'm currently rolling joints to smoke when I'm out and about.  There are smaller pipes and everything, and metal ones or stone -- I own a few glass ones, two stone pieces, and a small metal one-hit piece.  That's all that I have left from my pothead days, I gave everything else away.  I'm not a fan of the taste of metal pipes, stone and glass are only marginally better and really I more prefer collecting pretty glass art pieces yanno?

A vaporizer is not only better for my lungs, it will be faster than any of my current options.  Because I smoke throughout the entire day, I spend a lot of time preparing my marijuana for smoking.  Like I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so tonight I'm gonna roll a couple joints for going out and about.  I bought a joint-roller to be even faster, those things are wonderfully cheap.  But a vaporizer will still be faster -- I can just bring my travel grinder and the vaporizer with me.  It will also let me conserve the MMJ better; I go through my MMJ most quickly when I'm smoking joints, actually.

[Micho]

$1600. Is that CPP ?

[Mirazh]

On 8/17/2016 at 1:01 AM, Micho said:

$1600. Is that CPP ?

No, that is me rounding up since the amount is $15... something something, can't remember right now.  Very nearly $1600.  And no, not CPP, that's my amount from AISH monthly.  I'd be hella surprised if my decade of adulting in the working/jobs industry actually resulted in much of anything into CPP for me at all.  The only real chance for it was the threeish years I worked in retail selling my Special Interest, since I held down that job so incredibly long.  I'm pretty sure the full amount of what was available to me from CPP took up maaaaybe part of one of my monthly backlog payments.  Maybe.

*****************

Regarding my earlier posts, yes including the one that started this thread: as one does when they begin a new medication trial, I went through a lot of... upheaval, in terms of my crazy.  I was also under a lot of stress, and then there was me falling off my Depakote, tapering back on the Depakote, mania, lots of "fun" with drug interactions, and... remnants of the mania.  I'm still kinda coming out of it.

I consider documenting my experiences as a psychiatric medical marijuana patient, especially one with bipolar disorder, to be a necessary public service.  The above is... not all that  readable, and the result of my very ill mind trying to provide this public service while also just trying to get help.

This thread isn't closed or anything, please feel free to ask me for clarification on anything I wrote previously here.  I am slightly less crazy and a lot more clear headed now, with my own laptop, which means I'm likely able to succeed in clarifying.

But I will be attempting to make specific content surrounding this in the near future, just not sure what that will look like yet.