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Just a quick whine, I hope...wihtout any lasting future-impeding effects.

A couple of days a go, I got all triggered but good. I haven't had a panic/falshback/trigger event in about 2.5 years now. All my memories associated with the "ugly times" of five years ago had processed nicely (or so I thought), to the point where I could just remember without any physical reaction or even anxiety - more like a brief sadness/acceptance (combined into a single emotion), then move on to the next thought with a shrug.

But then my husband, who has been getting increaisngly hostile/paranoid/etc lately tells me "I'm feeling exactly like I did (then)...".

I didn't immediately put it together, but it dawned on me a little while later: He was crazy as fuck "then" - stalking, harassing, screeaming, threatening, etc...for an entire year...even though he had "left" and I was giving him all the space I could manage.

I thought I was going to explode from the fear. Like electricity running up and down my spine.

First time I've reached for a daylight klonopin since I-don't-know-when. So I called the tdoc, who I've haven't seen in 3 years or so. Figured better to get someone on my side/behind me NOW rather than wait and see. Saw him this morning,; it felt very reassuring.

X your fingers for me. I don't want to go back there again - either emotionally or corporeally.

pigs

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i'm so impressed that you called your therapist right away like that.  so so so very impressed. 

knowing when you need help, and reaching out and gettting it... just wow. 

just as i typed that i thought "well, that sounds so simple" but i know that for me, and for a lot of people, doing that is a near impossibility.

i hope your therapist can help you get through this rough time, and that it passes quickly.

take care,

penny

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Thanks, all. Maybe I'm a weenie for not trying to tough it out by my lonesome, but I've learned (at least a little) that I'l PAY if I don't get proactive about some stuff.

On the other hand, I may have remained paralyzed w/out Adderall. It really does make me smarter, by damn, or at least more likely to do something about whatever it is.

I'm feeling good about it (as much as I can) right now, in that I'm pretty sure the "trigger" was just meant to be a wake-up call. Having responded to the call, it may be that no matter how bad it gets from here, I will not have to experience another flash-backy situation. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.

Only downside is that my pdoc does not accept the kind of insurance I have now, nor will my insurance company reimburse me for any services out of network for mental health. He IS a sweetie - and has offered to discount 30.00, but that still leaves a hefty out of pocket.

I'm going to try and duke it out with the insurance company; see what I can do. Put all my persuasiveness to use. Since he has all the back story (I saw hism previously for almost 2 years), I may be able to convince them that it would be WAY more efficient (read: cost-effective) to let me see him with some compromise benefit.

pigs

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I'm going to try and duke it out with the insurance company; see what I can do. Put all my persuasiveness to use. Since he has all the back story (I saw hism previously for almost 2 years), I may be able to convince them that it would be WAY more efficient (read: cost-effective) to let me see him with some compromise benefit.

pigs

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good luck, it's my feeling there is a certain ring of hell reserved JUST for insurance types. I have my own stories, mostly around Bradley's cancer saga, but suffice to say I wish them no good will, collectively.

Take care, and remember : duck and cover!

If H gets too wigged out head for higher ground with or without his heart condtion stabalized, I know you didn't aske for advice, but I'm just thinking outloud (?) to no one in the room...see why I'm here? Card carrying member, looney tune.

Hugs,

Suze

fingers and toes X'ed.

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pigs,

Once again I want to compliment you on your strength and ability to act on your own behalf. Awesome, and I don't say awesome very often. I'll keep good thoughts for you.

erika

PS Dlamn the otypos ... I amy have to borrow this from time to time, typing with paws is difficult

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Having responded to the call, it may be that no matter how bad it gets from here, I will not have to experience another flash-backy situation. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.

from my experience and readings, taking right action is a key healer. congratulations on taking on this trigger as a gift to make you strong. good luck with the insurance and always reward yourself with deep breaths for taking the best action you can. it sure beats freezing.

aloha ;)

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Thanks all!

You know, I used to have this as my signature:

"It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees."

I still try to live up to that; if imperfectly sometimes. Carry it in a little psychic pocket with me at all times. Granted, sometimes I forget I have it - but it seems I always remember eventually.

They are good words to have.

pigs

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