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Trying to Stop, but struggling *POSSIBLE TRIGGER*


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Hi

I have been battling with self harm since high school, after being bullied constantly, about the way I looked. Alright I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, and still isn't, but the bullies didn't care. I lost count of the amount of different names I was called, being pushed down stairs on the way to lessons, have doors shut in my face etc. I found the only way out was to self harm. The only peace I found was when I self harmed.

I never told anyone, so I suffered in silence for a very long time, wearing long sleeves even in summer. I didn't want anyone to know.

As the years pasted, I changed high schools, things got better. No one knew who I was, and I liked that finally I made some close friends.

But anyway long story short

Recently the scars are numbering, there' more, I know that I should stop, but I cant find the will to stop. I see what it it is doing to my family and boyfriend they are all worried about me. *wipes away tears* sorry. Erm I know its easy just to stop, but when things get stressful or fuelled with anger or sadness, I cut to stop the pressure from exploding.

 

Kita the Shiny Ninetales

 

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Hello Kita, Welcome to CB!

I'm curious to know where you picked up on the idea that stopping would be easy? Because, as far as I know, it isn't easy at all. If it were then we wouldn't need forums like this one! Folks tend to self-harm because it works, on some level, just as you've discovered. Which means that, in order to stop, we often need to find something else that works instead. For many people that requires medication for some kind, and for many of us it also means learning some different coping skills that we can use to either reduce the pressure buildup, or to find other ways to diffuse it. Often these aren't tasks that we can accomplish on our own, and so we need help be it from a psychiatrist (pdoc) or a therapist (tdoc) or some other sort of care provider. Do you have that already? If yes, this is a good topic to bring up with them, if you're able. And if you're not yet able, then we can help you brainstorm some ways to bring it up. If you don't have one, might you be open to getting help? It sounds like your family wants this from you - but what do you want?

I hope that you can get the support that you need. If you have any questions either now or going forward you're more than welcome to PM the admin or the moderator of your choice. 

I hope that you can get the support that you need. Looking forward to seeing your posts around :)

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2 hours ago, empty inside said:

that pretty much sums up how i felt about my self harm just after high school as well. seeing a therapist helped soooooo much so did getting support from other members here. i know it's hard, self harm recovery unfortunately isn't as easy as "just stopping" but it can be done!

i hope you get the support you need (remember we're here for you too) and welcome to CB!

 

(also as a side note: i love your username)

yeah everything changed when high school started, plus things at home were a bit rock as well.

im seeing a doctor today and also ringing lifeline, so hopefully I can see someone.

I have tried just to stop, but it is a lot harder.

thank you very much, it seems great here

 

awww thank you

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12 hours ago, WinterRosie said:

Hello Kita, Welcome to CB!

I'm curious to know where you picked up on the idea that stopping would be easy? Because, as far as I know, it isn't easy at all. If it were then we wouldn't need forums like this one! Folks tend to self-harm because it works, on some level, just as you've discovered. Which means that, in order to stop, we often need to find something else that works instead. For many people that requires medication for some kind, and for many of us it also means learning some different coping skills that we can use to either reduce the pressure buildup, or to find other ways to diffuse it. Often these aren't tasks that we can accomplish on our own, and so we need help be it from a psychiatrist (pdoc) or a therapist (tdoc) or some other sort of care provider. Do you have that already? If yes, this is a good topic to bring up with them, if you're able. And if you're not yet able, then we can help you brainstorm some ways to bring it up. If you don't have one, might you be open to getting help? It sounds like your family wants this from you - but what do you want?

I hope that you can get the support that you need. If you have any questions either now or going forward you're more than welcome to PM the admin or the moderator of your choice. 

I hope that you can get the support that you need. Looking forward to seeing your posts around :)

Thank you, I feel very welcome

I know its not easy to stop, I wish it was tbh. its not, im disgusted with myself for self harming for so long.

I find that self harming does help, stopping the pressure and stress and everything else that is building up in the situation where the self harm takes place.

im seeing a doctor today with my mum so, hopefully they can help me. my boyfriend rang lifeline last night cos he was worried about me.

thank you, I will

thank you for everything so far :)

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