I fucking hate how ugly I am.
I have naturally curly and wavy hair like that girl on Peanuts. It's really messy and whenever I try to comb it always goes back to the way it was as if I've never combed in the first place with 3 minutes. Everyone at school makes fun of me by calling me a "crackhead" and a homeless person because of my hairstyle.
I am also morbidly obese, weighing 237 pounds. I hate how fat I am and I used to wear jackets all the time even in the summer to try to hide my fat. I also try to hold my breath to be temporarily skinnier. I trying to lose weight but it's impossible as I don't have access to any gyms especially since I'm only 16 and I'm not really the well off type.
I also eat a shitton and I'm really impulsive about it. I'll try to commit to eating less and healthy but 5 seconds later I've downed a whole tub of ice cream and I've only realized it when it's too late and I feel guilt.
I've contemplated starving myself as a result to lose weight.
Is anyone else going through similar stuff? Anyone have any advice?
Deleted and closed due to lack of response.
I am being targeted and bullied by my neighbors where I live. I currently live in an independent living home. I am the youngest one here (67 years old). Other neighbors who live in my building admitted that I have been singled out and targeted by the bullies that live here. It seems that no matter where I live, I get singled out and bullied. Must be something I am doing.
In my new independent living home, there are groups of women that stick together and have scheming get-togethers. I was invited to one and never went back. Unfortunately before I discovered one such neighbor was a party to all this, I had confided in her. She roped me in very easily. I am alone and isolated and there is no support in my life. So, I am easy target. I also am a nice person who does not have the ability to actively hurt someone.
I try to get away from these groups (I call them the axis of evils), I put their calls on block so they can no longer text me, I unfriended them on Facebook (I no longer go there anymore). If they don't talk to me once a week, they will send out an alert to go and find me or they will call the cops and to do a welfare check on me. They bang on my door at all hours and yell my name thru the door to get me to come to the door, then they bust in almost knocking me over and sit down for a "chat". While they are chatting they start taking pictures of my cat and my apartment. I should have asked why they were taking pictures inside my apartment, but I dissociated and could not defend myself. I no longer allow them in my home. I won't talk to them over the phone nor text them, nor return their phone calls. The next time they call in a welfare check on me, I will cite them for harassment with the police when they show up. This group of women have admitted to me they are mean and will take action against others who live here if they don't like them, which I have witnessed. So, for now, I walk on egg-shells around them.
I stay away from everyone now, keep my blinds closed and don't answer the phone unless I know who it is calling me. My psych doc upped my maintenance medication and added new medication. He's been calling me frequently to see how I am. I do live with sui*ide ideation, so he's worried about me. Unfortunately I am living in Section 8 Housing, so moving is very difficult to do. So, just trying to keep myself safe from the "Axis of Evil".
Needed to vent to get it out there what I am living with. Thank you for reading.
I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week. I see him in two weeks.
So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help. I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened. Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived. I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person. That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day.
I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately. It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary. I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think.
I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months. I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic. She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her. So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else. My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me.
Okay, will close for now.