Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org




it doesn't get better.


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 47
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I'm living proof that things actually DO get better. I promise.

I feel so bad for you. Please keep us updated on how you're feeling, ok?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, me to. But better is about as subjective as happy. I don't want to kill myself today (thank you goddess) but I still feel crappy. I want happy, dammit!

Gidget happy. I feel like I was goth before it even had a name, much less a lifestyle. Fuck that.

But I have checked out of my room in the Abyss, and that's good. If the Innkeeper would just stop sending me bills for damages...  ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

feel better now? Grouse did the same thing....started a thread basically just to vent.  sometimes, you just need to....to get it all out.  if if it doesn't magically make you feel better, at least it's not sitting inside festering while you believe that no one, ever, has felt the same way.

a lot of us have, and i tell you: we understand.  *i get it*  been there, done that, worn the crappy t-shirt.

we hear your truth.  we are listening, and we understand. 

all i'm going to ask, and i won't even make you promise or anything like that, is before you really do 'throw in the towel', wait till you are not quite so down in the abyss so you can assess your situation better.  i can't force you to agree with me, but i personally think that the depths of a depression is the absolute wrong time to make any kind of a life-altering decision, because depression literally messes with your ability to think (at least for me).  but i won't force you to promises...i just want to say i'm listening, i get it & if you do leave i will miss you.  i think of you often when you are not active on the boards.  i would miss you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

me too.

and we do get it, to the extent that we've been there. I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know everything you're going through. but what you're writing feels very very familiar.

please, just keep posting, ok? don't feel guilty; you've got the skull and crossbones up, so those who can't deal will go somewhere else. in the meantime, we're here with ya.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie:

I'm such a CB whore that I read your first post before you deleted it, and now I've read the others.

I haven't had your pain, although I know very well what depression is.  I just wanted to add that there are people here who care about you.  You're a human being--you're one of us---you have survived thus far--so it matters to us which path you take.

And you can say that your boyfriend has family and people who would take care of him, but that doesn't change the pain of the person left behind.  I will always remember Feb. 14, 1970 and the man who thought he was more trouble than he was worth. I still think about him and mourn him, 36 years later.

So I know you just wanted to say your piece, but I respectfully disagree with that part of it.

If I knew you in real life, I would hold your hand and not let you go.

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie, you really should get a dialogue going with Grouse on his DNR thread...he is saying very similar things to what you are saying, about seeing clearly and not lying to himself in his depressions

hmmm, you have given me some things to think about, some intellectual challenges.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie, what's wrong? did someone say something to you?  i just don't see what is so darn bad about your posts...i read them and they seem very mild-mannered to me.

i really believe the boards should be a safe space to 'let things out' if we need to...i'm sorry if someone got upset with you.

i still hope you find a measure of peace.  i keep feeling that we should tackle the chronic ptsd and get you some relief from it, before evaluating the rest of your life.  i'm just not convinced that we have explored all the options available to you.

i mean, yeah, i can see if you feel there is no hope & you've tried a whole bunch of stuff, but you haven't convinced me yet that we have run out of options.

and ps, a lot of people are having meltdowns on the boards now.  sometimes it seems just to go in cycles, and sometimes i think it can be related to triggers.....like the fact that it is winter & this deepens depression in a LOT of people, me included.  i'm finding that i'm struggling more this winter than i did last winter.  but i am not getting anywere near the amount of sunlight i need this winter.  i think it may be affecting a lot of us, so i hope if someone said something to you maybe take it with a grain of salt & realize they may really be struggling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i am sorry. i have obviously said something wrong. i have deleted all the posts i wrote that may have been offensive to anyone. i sincerely appologize. i really hope i didn't cause anyone to hurt. that certainly wasn't my intention. i was just trying to let all the garbage out. i found out it doesn't really help that much anyway and if it's hurting others, then i won't be doing that anymore.

thank you, all of you who posted to try to help me hurt less.

Hel-lo!  What happened here?  I assure you, Aurelie, you haven't been offensive, and anyway we have a rule around here: we don't walk on eggshells for anybody.  If it hurts, we let it out, just like you did.  Sometimes it's the people who read our rants and never post that get the greatest benefit

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie:

You can say whatever you want (within reason) on this thread or on your thread in the Springer Board.  Don't let anyone chase you away---we've all got issues.  And this is a yucky time of year:  a lot of people seem to be having post-holiday meltdowns.  (Ain't families GREAT?)  Post or PM one of us so we know you're okay, pretty please?

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie:

What happened at the doctor?  Did you go?  Is this a pdoc or a therapist?  If you're out of hope, I've got lots for both of us.  Please talk to us and tell us what happened.

If you don't have a doctor, is there an emergency number in your area you can call?  Or stay here and talk to us, just so you stay.

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't be sorry!  I've needed people so many times in my life you wouldn't be able to count them.  How can we help?  Do you want to talk?  Have you ever gone to the chat room?  I can't get in because I'm a techno-idiot, but you could.

Would that help?  I have MSN instant messaging if you want to put  me on your list and talk.

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes, you will be all right. 

and:  yes, you can do this.  you are strong to have survived this far, with all the crap you have dealt with....imagine what you could do if your strength was not all spent on trying to keep yourself alive.

what you are going through now sucks, and it will not be fun, or pretty, or pleasant, but you can get through this.

keep talking to us: i know you can't bring yourself to provide specific details about your life, but if you can provide us with generic descriptions of how you feel, what symptoms you are having, etc, we can also make some suggestions on what you can do to get through this.  sometimes we get so involved we can't see the forest for the trees, and it helps to get another perspective.  or sometimes, someone just thinks of something that we didn't think of.

hang on Aurelie.  i'm rooting for you to make it.  i think (as another depression sufferer and a ptsd survivor) that you have the potential to beat your demons back, that you do have the potential to live a fulfilling satisfying life.  i think it is in you.  i think that right now it is just buried so deeply you can't see it.  so don't try to see it, just try to take me on trust, that i see potential there.  you don't have to believe it; just keep going and let me do the believing for you.  i'll do that part if you just keep going for me.

please?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(Olga and bonnie hold Aurelie's hands) (uses other hand to pat head and offer Kleenex)

pm us if you want & are afraid to post here.  remember, we are both seasoned old broads with lots of life experience and like to give advice!  plus comfort.

sweetie, if we were in the same city i'd drive over to your place and hang on to you so you won't fall.  *hangs on in cyberspace*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aurelie:

It sounds like you're in a really crummy place.  It sucks that you have to wait that long to see a doctor that can help you. 

But you have to keep telling yourself that this IS a sickness.  You're not making it up, you're not being a drama queen--you have an illness.  This has been hard for my husband to understand with my depression, but it's just like diabetes or a car accident--you need to be seen by a doctor.

If you feel that fragmented and alone, an emergency room could be the right place.  I'm sorry if your boyfriend is inconvenienced, but you need some medical help.  I wish I could come over and help you. 

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...