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My apologies, this thread is very much like the one on accepting depression, but I guess I'm looking for practical tips on just HOW you do that... My situation sucks, and I can't see a way to change it anytime soon, in a nutshell. But it feels like it's the fighting against it that really causes the agony. But I can't stop myself :(

 

I'm depressed, severely fatigued, overworked, broke, and stuck. Sometimes I think prolonged sleep deprivation may be the root of my problems... But im home with a 4 and 1 year old who get up at the crack of dawn, until my husband gets home and I rush out to my night job 5 nights a week, usually getting home close to midnight. More sleep just isn't an option, but it just has to be... I can't keep this up much longer. I can't afford daycare, so I can't work days. I can't change jobs because my health care is amazing, we can't afford to lose it.

nothing has helped my depression in 10 years, tried dozens of meds, therapy, everything. Waiting on insurance approval for TMS. I can't exercise because I'm just too tired, but I have a very physical job so that hopefully counts for something. I can't do anything really, I sit and stare and cry mostly. 

Usually, work is somewhat of an escape and I can distract myself from the depression and act almost normal... Until recently. Now I spend every night sullen and silent and fighting tears.

my situation can't change any time soon; I have to work, I have to take care of my kids, more sleep is impossible. But every day all my mind does is relentlessly search for solutions, ideas, anything to help ease the pain, and everywhere I look is a dead end. I feel like a rat trapped in an impossible maze and I'm exhausting myself looking for something that isn't there... I just want to stop. Maybe not give up hope, but somehow accept my situation.

 

but HOW? How do you just find acceptance? Just telling myself to accept it doesn't work, my mind keeps fighting...

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Well for me I use to find distraction to be a great help in combatting depression and anxiety for that matter. My special interest was in computer games so I'd just get lost in them for hours on end, although that's not everyone's thing. Try a new hobby, go to the library and take out some books. Self help books can be pretty good but I can't recommend any for depression since I haven't covered that topic yet.

Another thing which could be useless is support groups, have a look for some in your area. The internet is good at talking to others with similar problems but there's nothing quite like meeting others in the flesh and hearing their own stories to help you accept yours. I go to a group for psychosis and we sometimes go out places, we went paintballing the other week and rockclimbing a few months ago. We've also gone on walks through woods. It's really does help to be around other people who experience the same things as you.

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I don't think I could find peace and happiness in your situation, climber47. Something would have to give; husband taking care of the kids in the morning or begging family or friends to help. Anyone, w/a mental illness or not, would be hard pressed to cope very well in your shoes - especially with ongoing sleep deprivation.

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I agree with whome. Something is going to have to give in your situation. You can't live a regimented life like that. You can't be a full-time mom and a full-time employee while at the same time battling depression. It just can't be done. There is only one of you.

I think you need to have a really serious conversation with your husband about your life and about finances and everything else. Like, for example, if the two of you are working but you cannot afford daycare then something's wrong. I don't want to question your finances, but you do have a right to see something for all your efforts.

So, yeah, the situation has to change somewhat. When you post, the one thing that comes screaming through is that your life is one big ball of stress. That has to stop. It's time you and your husband reassess your life goals and priorities. You need to be cut some slack.

As far as accepting my depression, well, it didn't involve accepting all that you are dealing with. I've always been a somewhat optimistic depressive so when I accepted my sickness, I did not accept that my life would never get better. Making my life better is something I strive for every day.

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Just want to say I agree with the above posts.  Something has got to give.  Especially with the sleep.  Personally me getting lack of sleep I couldn't handle it (and that isn't even taking my diagnoses into consideration).  Going on like you are in life at the moment (all the stress, basically every day life for you currently) might lead to (but hopefully not) a breakdown, IP hospitalization, and who knows what else.

You need a break.  Have you considered going IP?  You'd get a break from everything, be able to re-assess you current life, come up with other options (which someone would help you with), and probably many other things.  Something to think about.

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Well we've had lots of serious discussions about it, neither of us have ever been able to come up with any way to change things. Any job change for either of us would require one of us going back to school and we can't afford that. The only thing that can change is the kids getting in school... That's next fall for my daughter but another 4 years until my son is in kindergarten. So quite a long time until I can switch to working days.

 

the only other thing that might change is my parents are considering moving closer in order to help, but that may take awhile, too.

Not sure how I could ever go IP... I can't afford not to work, can't afford the childcare we'd require if I'm not home :(

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As far as the financial situation, my husband has a decent job making around $55K a year but I only make about $16K working part time. And we live in Seattle so living expenses are high; we barely scrape by month to month, so $2000/month for daycare isn't even close to being in the budget.

 

obviously I need to make more. My lack of career is a huge source of my depression; I have a BS is chemistry, a masters in teaching, and I work in a restaurant. I won't go back to teaching, and although I'd love to get back into science, an outdated BS in chemistry doesn't even qualify me for entry level lab work, let alone a position paying enough for me to work days and afford daycare. I need at least a year of additional course work, and again... Time and money I don't have :(

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scraping by doing underemployed is ok if this is helping you function.   I can't know for sure but it sounds like this is underemployed but that its taxing you more.  I've done underemployment myself so that I could be "not in charge" and not have to attend staff meetings and deal with idiots who want to argue or just discourage any attempts to do anything.  

There are jobs around that might be less taxing that pay better and have flexible hours.  You have some major education points.  Why not make them work for you and see if you can't get into a job where you are paid enough to do child care?  Or if that doesn't work what about doing child care during the day for a couple of the neighbors kids and then you don't have to work the $16k job?

Whatever your doing you don't have to continue to do that all your life.   I worked with someone graduated at around the same time as I did and was working at exactly the same thing her entire life.   How?   More important why?   If for no other reason to see what else it out there?   There has to be something better for you both in the finance and do ability zone.  

*Take all of these genius ideas I spit out with a grain of salt.  I am not a pillar of doing what I suggest.   Talking to your GDoc about sleep is something I would put on the top of the list.  Having a TDoc / PDoc to talk about the same thing and the rest would be a close second.

I hope you find some rest and relief SOON!

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HAL has some good ideas.  I like the one where you do childcare in your home ... you'd get paid, you wouldn't have to spend the $2,000 in childcare. 

I would still work on getting enough sleep though ... in order to do anything, you need enough sleep.  It could catch up with you when you least expect it.

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It's a good idea, just not for me... Child care is like my worst nightmare, I hate watching my own. The work day at my daughters coop preschool is my worst 2 hours of the week.

 

i just can't see how I can get more sleep... Can't work earlier or less, can't control how early the kids get me up, can't nap... I'm stuck :(

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Climber, I went through toddler hell a long time ago. I don't know what your housing situation is like, but would it be possible to put up a baby gate ( or two, or three), make sure the room is completely childproof, set up a sofa/bed, and get some sleep? I've used Disney movies as a babysitter while I've caught a bit of sleep. Not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do. 

I hope you can find a solution.

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I've said this before, but I have to say it again: You need to see a therapist. You need someone to look at your situation and to make real-life suggestions otherwise you are going to sink. At the very least a therapist can help you cognize your situation a bit differently. I know that you said that you have had therapy and didn't get much out of it, but I'm saying that you didn't have the right therapist.

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2 hours ago, jt07 said:

I've said this before, but I have to say it again: You need to see a therapist. You need someone to look at your situation and to make real-life suggestions otherwise you are going to sink. At the very least a therapist can help you cognize your situation a bit differently. I know that you said that you have had therapy and didn't get much out of it, but I'm saying that you didn't have the right therapist.

^^THIS. Maybe a new therapist has other ideas that we/you don't see.

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I'll try, yet again... Seen at least six that we're all useless :( I wish there was a better way to screen them ahead of time; I have yet to found one with any insight, they all just spout research and I'm all for science but it's all basic shit I can find on an online article or in a self help book :(

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I've never found self-help books to be very helpful. It might help if you posted a question about therapists in the therapy section. If I remember correctly, just recently someone mentioned that therapists don't mind if you do one session with them just to see if you are a good fit. I don't know though, but we have a lot of people who know more about therapy than I do.

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2 hours ago, jt07 said:

I've never found self-help books to be very helpful. It might help if you posted a question about therapists in the therapy section. If I remember correctly, just recently someone mentioned that therapists don't mind if you do one session with them just to see if you are a good fit. I don't know though, but we have a lot of people who know more about therapy than I do.

neither do I, but I try everything... But point being they never seem to have real insight, but just a flowchart of one-size-fits-all techniques that just don't work for me. One therapist insisted I should go to church because "research shows people who go to work are happier"... I'm not religious, not gonna happen. One wanted me to do art therapy cause that was her specialty. One just listened to me talk and never offered insight. I need practical fucking help, basically step by step instructions on how to live my life day to day. I'm sure it's always a craps shoot, it just takes me ages to get the nerve to call for an appt, usually several weeks or months before I can get one, then face doing it all again when yet another therapist fails. The last one basically told me after one session I was beyond her help and referred me out. Not the first time I've been "dumped" by tdocs and pdocs.

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6 minutes ago, climber47 said:

neither do I, but I try everything... But point being they never seem to have real insight, but just a flowchart of one-size-fits-all techniques that just don't work for me. One therapist insisted I should go to church because "research shows people who go to work are happier"... I'm not religious, not gonna happen. One wanted me to do art therapy cause that was her specialty. One just listened to me talk and never offered insight. I need practical fucking help, basically step by step instructions on how to live my life day to day. I'm sure it's always a craps shoot, it just takes me ages to get the nerve to call for an appt, usually several weeks or months before I can get one, then face doing it all again when yet another therapist fails. The last one basically told me after one session I was beyond her help and referred me out. Not the first time I've been "dumped" by tdocs and pdocs.

I've been there with the whole talk it out crap but not helping but I would try rea searching other doctors maybe trying meds or new med combination but most of all make tiny list of small things to do like get up , take a shower,  make the bed tiny goals to make you feel productive I know it's hard but it takes a lot of time read a regular book if your not into books binge on Netflix series  that's what helped me a bit or have a good deep cry  doesn't help a whole lot but might bring some comfort but I agree with the others sleep is very Important for mental health 

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