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chasing my tail - never happy

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so i was really messed up wanting to suicide.

i went to the shrink and got my dx bipolar 2 and BPD

i got my meds

i became tired all the time, lazy.

i stopped exercising

i started eating sweet foods regularly. 

i have put on a great deal of weight.

this makes me miserable.

now im back to feeling how i did in the beginning.

the meds arent working, im fat and im f8ckin unhappy.

when do u decide to stop taking the meds.

whats the greater evil - crazy or fat

i feel like i tried the meds option and it didnt work.

i have tried many different meds. but i feel no better.

just a lot fatter and sad for that reason.

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don't give up on the meds yet. 

i know that it seems like an interminable uphill battle, but one day you will find the right cocktail.  sometimes it happens right away, and some times it takes years.  but when you get there, you'll be happy you stuck out the med ride.

as for the weight, i know it sucks.  it's horrible.  i know it's hard to be happy when you look in the mirror and hate what you see.  but it doesn't have to be permanent.  i know right now you're not about to pick up an exercise plan, but some day (hopefully soon) you will be able to again.  i gained over 20lbs in highschool from zyprexa and managed to get it all of.  it can be done. 

don't give up yet. 

"fat" is better than "crazy"

even if right now you feel like the meds aren't helping.

you're dx's are relativley new... i have faith that you'll make progress soon. 

hang in there, and PM me if you ever feel like it.

take care,


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I second what Penny wrote. Fat, as uncomfortable as it is and as nasty as it makes you feel, is better than crazy. I have had to battle weight gain from several meds. I thought I had found the right cocktail after years. The combo was working very well and I thought I could stop taking the Zyprexa. My pdoc allowed me to taper off slowly. within a month depression returned. Now I have to try out yet another cocktail.

Hang in there. I know it is difficult. I know sometimes it seems like things are getting worse rather than better. They are things we can change, things we cannot change, and things we have to learn to accept. It takes time to adjust to live with MI and to fully accept your Dx.  I know this doesn't sound very encouraging but it is, things do get better.

Keep us posted,


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  • 2 weeks later...

i know this is totally the BTHT (been there, heard that...heh) and the age-old adage, but have you found a kind of exercise you ENJOY? a lot of people are, like, yeah i go to the gym...and i'm, like, there may be a small minority of people whjo really enjoy doing the elliptical machine for an hour and lifting hunks of metal, but for most people, finding something fun can make a huge difference. and you can start really small. i'm a bit biased as i am partial to racquet sports, but a group beginner tennis lesson, for example, is usually, like, 45 min once a week. the challenge of hitting the ball well tends to distract people from the fact that they are running around to do so.

i have seen some of your posts in the eating disorder forum, so i know you're struggling with the whole control over eating...while of course it is easier to say than do, focus on burning calories is much more productive and psychologically healthy than focus on number of calories consumed. i've always found that the more i obsessed on calorie counting, the more i ate. anyway, some of your other posts concerned me so i wanted to chime in with some support...stay healthy!

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