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Body Mutilation as the Primary Urge?


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So.

We don't hang around this forum much. I guess cuz we don't self harm much. Mostly just punching ourselves, hitting head on things, and that's.. Eh, once a week or so I'd imagine. It doesn't feel like a big deal compared to stuff.

But for me, specifically.. I get the urge to SH a /lot/, and it's not for.. The reasons that I've seen usually listed in people's threads. Like.. Anger, wanting to feel things, depersonalising.. We depersonalise a lot, but idk that SH would actually help.. For me it's mostly about.. Hating the body, wanting to change it, to tear it up or tear my way out or.. Make some sort of mark on your cage, y'know?

The thing that I get rlly strongly is the urge to cut up our body just to mark it. It's a mix of feelings I think;

  • Wanting to deface something I hate. To slash it up.
  • Wanting to make a mark of self on something I'm trapped in. To carve patterns and shit.
  • And.. A strong wanting to 'cut my way out' feeling.
  • (Sometimes it's a "to cover up sensory overload from autism stuff with a stronger 'cleaner' sensation". That works. But that's not really want I'm talking about.)

I know these are irrational (they're emotions, yah), and I know that there're Other Ways and shit. I'm just. Curious if any other people Get this kind of thing.

Tri

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On 05/07/2016 at 3:52 AM, WinterTidings said:

 

  • Wanting to deface something I hate. To slash it up.
  • Wanting to make a mark of self on something I'm trapped in. To carve patterns and shit.
  • And.. A strong wanting to 'cut my way out' feeling.
  • (Sometimes it's a "to cover up sensory overload from autism stuff with a stronger 'cleaner' sensation". That works. But that's not really want I'm talking about.)

Isn't this kinda like anger / dysphoria though?

I have various motivations for SH, though I have never experienced no.3

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18 hours ago, Laceratus said:

Isn't this kinda like anger / dysphoria though?

I have various motivations for SH, though I have never experienced no.3

Kinda but anger/dysphoria at a specific thing (the body, being trapped in it) than general anger being vented through SH

Tri

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I used to self-harm for reasons associated with high dysphoria (I assume yours is also gender dysphoria) but have been SH free for about 2 years and 8 months. 

Is there any avenue you can go down to make the dysphoria more tolerable in a way that is not harmful to self/selves? For me that is my male hormone injection (obviously still have a lot of severe dysphoria but that's another story) 

I don't know what would possibly help you there, because dysphoria is different for us all. 

I don't want to seem rude but in the long and even short term, what helped me move on from SH is realising what little it was actually doing to HELP and change what I wanted to change. 

 

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On 12/07/2016 at 9:16 AM, Hopelessly Broken said:

I used to self-harm for reasons associated with high dysphoria (I assume yours is also gender dysphoria) but have been SH free for about 2 years and 8 months. 

Is there any avenue you can go down to make the dysphoria more tolerable in a way that is not harmful to self/selves? For me that is my male hormone injection (obviously still have a lot of severe dysphoria but that's another story) 

I don't know what would possibly help you there, because dysphoria is different for us all. 

I don't want to seem rude but in the long and even short term, what helped me move on from SH is realising what little it was actually doing to HELP and change what I wanted to change. 

 

This sounds similar, yeah. I.. Don't have many coping options that're feasible to me in terms of bodily changes, past binding, which.. Is very.. Mild comparative to the whole.. Thing.

I can't really go in-depth rn, in the middle of a crisis. But wanted to say appreciate the.. UNderstanding.

Tri

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And a pain, literally. Hate the damned things. Well, pretty much everything I do or use for my dysphoria management does very little. Unfortunately, I justify that by the fact that everything I do or use to help any of my problems does very little, if anything at all. 

Sorry about the crisis. I am in my own. Do try to reach out if possible, you don't deserve to suffer in silence.

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Thankyou. Seems like it is gradually coming to a close, well, the Homelessness side of things, anyway. Have keys to a new place and everything now, all signed up. Just is a flat full of cardboard boxes & unassembled furniture. :P The other side of things.. We'll see. Kinda expecting to fall apart, and that's in comparison to.. Right now, where our usually-primary-ish alter is being gently kept wrapped up away from things because she's had 2 delusional depressive episodes in a row this week.

Means I'm at front a lot, which.. Is strenuous, because yes, I loathe the body and such, and get sensory autism stuff worse than the others. But.. I'm the best option right now. Thankfully a lot of the stress is distracting from bodystuff at least. And bought some clothes that are gender-neutral and also very appealing to me in a charity shop, so. Was cool. I should get a binder, tho.

I'm sorry to hear you're in your own crisis. I would not wish that on anyone and.. Yeah. :/ Idk what to say. Words are hard.

Tri

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