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My mother and my Bipolar craziness


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I need to vent in a big way:

I'm so tired of my mother. I'm just tired of the way she treats me. I had jobs on and off throughout 2005 because of being bipolar. I couldn't keep one because it was way to early, got fired from another, quit yet another. Its hard for me to work beacuse i get EXTREMELY anxious and end up quitting. This to my mother is lazyness. I am nothing but a lazy piece of shit to her. She constantly questions me like "are you sure your bipolar, you are acting very angry today, did take your medication?"

I'm so exasperated i just dont know what to do. I want so badly to get out of her house and cut all ties with her. I dont want to know her anymore. I just want her OUT of my life. She doesn't help me with my disorder. She makes it worse. She is giving me high blood pressure as well. I get to anxious and amped up when i'm around her its almost like she sends me into hypomania. Just her sheer presense.

I am living in a very chaotic environment with her and my alcoholic father. NOthing is ever black and white. There is always some sort of catch, something i missed somewhere along the line. So i'm constantly getting yelled at and tortured for being me.

I just want to marry my finacee and start my life. I need out of this hell hole.

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does she know about bipolar disorder?  is she the type you could inform, or is she just too stubborn? >>

i'm very sorry for your situation.  sometimes my mother who is also bipolar makes me feel like shit too.  and she's a counselor.  she just doesnt help herself so she can't help me.

you need to tell her that you are not like her and you're not just a 'bitch' as my mother likes to call it.  if you haven't already make it clear to her that YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST!

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JooolzRooolz:

I'm so sorry. But I really don't think marrying your fiance is going to solve it. True, it could be that the situation is adding to your stress but I don't feel you're necessarily dealing that well with the situation. Now, wait - don't get angry. It's absolutely true I can't know how difficult it is. But if you were "feeling" better, you'd be better able to find a solution to it. You'd be able to move out on your own. I don't think your medications are doing what they need to be. What do you think about that? Am I totally off? I, personally, am not at my optimum either. I exist pretty well day-to-day but I'm not working. So, you can see, I DO understand that whole limitation well...

- Kiki

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JooolzRooolz:

I'm so sorry. But I really don't think marrying your fiance is going to solve it.

I don't think your medications are doing what they need to be.

I, personally, am not at my optimum either. I exist pretty well day-to-day but I'm not working. So, you can see, I DO understand that whole limitation well...

- Kiki

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm not seeking to solve my  "Situation" by getting married. I'm just ready to get married and move on with my life. If i could i would just move in with my fiancee now. However moving in with him is totally against my parents wishes. Not like i haven't gone agaisnt them before, but this is different. I'm trying to keep things peaceful. So at least my wedding day will be something to remember and i'll be able to file it under "Good" in my memories instead of "Shit from hell."

I'm pretty damn sure my meds aren't doing what they are suppose to do. I haven't found the magic combination just yet. (that could take forever..lol)

It sucks because i don't even remember what it was like to function at my optimum level. I just don't remeber. May i wasn't ever functioning at optimum level? Who knows. What do you do for money? Are you on disability? I'm trying to get on disability, it just takes forever.

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JooolzRooolz:

O.K. - I understand what you're saying. Keep trying - it probably will take a long time to get the right meds, unfortunately. :)

I AM on disability - good call. But it's Nothing. I don't know how people survive on it. Most of our income comes from my husband. I really want to bring in some income again but obviously MY meds aren't perfect. Or maybe I'm just lazy. ;)

Good luck.

- Kiki

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JooolzRooolz:

I AM on disability - good call. But it's Nothing. I don't know how people survive on it. Most of our income comes from my husband. I really want to bring in some income again but obviously MY meds aren't perfect. Or maybe I'm just lazy. ;)

Good luck.

- Kiki

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The great thing (and bad thing) about my situation is that i live with my parents. So just the SLIGHTEST ammount of money is enough to keep me a float temporarily. I dunno what i would do if i was already married and had a family to support. My finacee and I wouldn't survive on his paycheck alone!  I can't WAIT until i get a job that i can actually keep. I'm actually taking a Medical Administrative Assisting class in a couple of weeks. It's one of those accelerated classes, so in 18 weeks i'll be employable. *crosses fingers* I also had my medical exam with disability today. To determin is i was "ill" enough to not work. *crosses fingers* (again)

Anyways....I HIGHLY doubt your lazy. I always get that label as well. But we all know that somedays you just can't get out of bed or even think about anything. God i've been there. I'm there now. What kind of jobs are you interested in?

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The great thing (and bad thing) about my situation is that i live with my parents. So just the SLIGHTEST ammount of money is enough to keep me a float temporarily. I dunno what i would do if i was already married and had a family to support. My finacee and I wouldn't survive on his paycheck alone!  I can't WAIT until i get a job that i can actually keep. I'm actually taking a Medical Administrative Assisting class in a couple of weeks. It's one of those accelerated classes, so in 18 weeks i'll be employable. *crosses fingers* I also had my medical exam with disability today. To determin is i was "ill" enough to not work. *crosses fingers* (again)

Anyways....I HIGHLY doubt your lazy. I always get that label as well. But we all know that somedays you just can't get out of bed or even think about anything. God i've been there. I'm there now. What kind of jobs are you interested in?

JoolzRoolz:

What a nice post - thanks. :) I am very impressed that you are taking a course - I don't think I could do that. I look back at everything I did in college and I just can't believe it was me. Best of luck with it. Sounds interesting.

I hope you don't feel guilty or anything about living with your parents. We all need a little help with this disease - it is truly debilitating. Again, good luck dealing with your mom. Are your parents Christians? (I don't know - something you said made me think so). If so, they might try reading "Mood Swings" by Meier, Arterburn, and Minirth. They're Christian doctors who believe in medication but also touch on spirituality. I tried to get my parents to read it but I don't think they ever did. ;)

Thank you for the kind words re: laziness. I figure that if I AM lazy, it's mostly due to the Lithium. Provigil has helped me with motivation a little. I want to be a writer (like so many of us). I used to have a couple of columns out there and have written a couple of books but I can't seem to ever get anything out now. Must work on that.

Again, good luck with everything. Let us know if you adjust your meds and if it helps.

- Kiki

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