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A good friend has asked me to find out some info about what could possibly be going on with his stepmum so I'm posting here. This is the history:

She was always a difficult person, abrupt, controlling and sociopathic, and my friend refused to give his consent when his Dad married her. Soon after the marriage she had an accident involving a head injury and since then as been on antipsychotics, "painkillers for my headaches" she says, although it appears there is a lot more going on than just headaches. She is incredibly difficult to live with and appears to hate my friend's presence in the house with a passion. She frequently goes through his stuff and throws things out and she hides stuff (like cooking utensils) that my friend has previously expressed a need for. She also cleans, tidies and rearranges obsessively, all the time cursing my friend for household negligence when he is not at all negligent: he cooks every night and has very good standards of cleanliness and tidiness. She has been caught in the past deliberately making something dirty right after cleaning it and then blaming my friend for not cleaning it himself. There have been weird isolated incidents like putting cat droppings on his bed and tying his muddy boots to the roof to draw attention to her conviction that he shouldn't have left them outside for two hours. On one occasion she hit my friend for the "crime" of drinking a beer in the house. She rarely gets out of bed before four and constantly complains about aches and pains but refuses to see a doctor ever. There is some suspicion that she fakes these complaints for some unknown purpose: the other day my friend was walking round town with her and she was getting about fine, then as soon as his Dad turned up she became a cripple and had to be supported. If confronted about any of her burdensome acts of psychosis she flys into a rage and basically tells my friend he is a piece of shit, so confrontations are now avoided. My friend's Dad has expressed grave concearns and he one of the most melancholy people I have ever met, being saddled with this extremely annoying woman who refuses to admit her problems let alone talk about them.

Any idea what could be going on here people? And how to progress? Myself I think one of the family should consult a psychiatrist about it, seeing as she won't herself. This bad situation is in a state of complete inertia and could last as long as she lives and continue the endless misery of the Dad's life. My friend himself is at his wits end and is going to move out despite moving out not making financial sense at all.

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i'd agree with you that a psychiatrist is in order here, but that can be really hard when the person who is ill is unwilling to admit they are ill. 

i hope, for your friends sake, that his father knows that his wife is sick and that the wife is, it sounds like, trying to frame him.

i guess the best solution would be for your friend and his father to talk to a psychiatrist about all this, and ask the psychiatrist how to proceed about getting the wife into therapy (and probably on some meds.)

best of luck to your friend.

penny

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Your friend needs a lock on his door.

And your friend's dad isn't protecting him like he should. Unfortunately a common occurance in these step-family situations.

Moving out is most likely the only thing he can do. Many papers have ads for roommate type situations. If he doesn't have a lot of money, sharing an apartment or house might be his best bet.

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I suggested all this to him last night and he sees the sense in it too. He's going to try and persuade his Dad to accompany him in seeing a psychiatrist and to have an open chat. I don't know why he's never got a lock on his door but he'll be moving out and sharing a flat with someone else soon so at least he'll have the problem out of the way. The father does need to do something about what's going on but I'm not sure he's got the guts. He's a university lecturer (so intelligent and well-aware of what is going on) and seems to spend as much time as possible on his work nowadays, which is probably very telling.

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1.  Your friends father chose this woman as his wife. He should not try to come between them, nor be antagonistic towards her.

2.  Your friend should talk with his father about his concerns about the step mother. If his father wants help, support him.  If he does not, see number 1 above.

3.  Your friend should look at moving out on his own, progressing with his life and maintain an open relationship with his father.

a.m.

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1.  Your friends father chose this woman as his wife. He should not try to come between them, nor be antagonistic towards her.

2.  Your friend should talk with his father about his concerns about the step mother. If his father wants help, support him.  If he does not, see number 1 above.

3.  Your friend should look at moving out on his own, progressing with his life and maintain an open relationship with his father.

a.m.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He has a very good relationship with his father and is not at all antagonistic towards the stepmum, only questioning her actions when she does very annoying things like throwing out half his CD collection. And the father himself has expressed concearns about the stepmum many times and wishes she would see a doctor. I'm not trying to bother anyone's life here!

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