Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

To those on disability...


Recommended Posts

...how have you adjusted to life on disability?

I've been on disability for over a year now and I still haven't adjusted. I want to work again but I don't feel like I can right now. I miss the routine, the responsibility, the people... but I haven't worked in 2 years.

I feel totally inhuman now. Like, just really worthless and pointless and it makes my Derealization even worse.

I've been in and out of the hospital lately for my mental illnesses and am now in IOP but it's not helping much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, it's not something I've been able to accept either, I've been out of work now for about four years. The worst thing is those it feels like only yesterday that it was four years ago; time ends up being meaningless. I want to work now, I want to get onto the career ladder already but I'm not ready for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I posted something somewhat similarly recently because i'm just getting started down this path--which I realize isn't exactly the same, but might be helpful.  The info is here:

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/topic/81351-what-to-do-when-not-working/

People had some great ideas about spending time, but what I'm thinking about in particular is that Hester had an article in there about essentially how your worth doesn't decrease because of not working and there are still things about you that matter and things you can do that have value.  That's a slightly rosy-eyed view of it, but such is the land of hypomania. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, surreal said:

...how have you adjusted to life on disability?

I've adjusted to being on it.  Started it 1996 or 1997 (don't remember), and in a couple of years was fairly adjusted.  The biggest thing I had to adjust to was going from having to spend a lot less on things like clothes, the brand name stuff ... basically anything I wanted.  Once I got used to that I took it for it is what it is, as much as I didn't want to.  I was living with my parents at the time, paying them $200 out of the $485 a month I got.  Had Medicare and also qualified for MassHealth.

In 1999 I got a Section 8 voucher to live on my own.  That lowered my rent, I eventually got food stamps, and things fell into place.  Right now I completely adjusted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was recently approved for disability finally in January of this year. I'm pretty used to it at this point since I haven't worked in several years, but in my mind I'm still holding out hope that I'll be able to work at least part-time again in the future. So I guess I sort of tell myself that this disability thing is only temporary, like a holding pattern I'm in until I can get fully back on my feet. I'm not sure how realistic or unrealistic that belief is. I try to focus on the fact that I can still contribute (to society, to my family and friends) in my own way(s), but it is tough sometimes watching other people who seem to be always be moving forward in life and then there's me, stuck in my holding pattern, doing what I can when I'm able, getting by but not exactly excelling at this whole life thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 minutes ago, aquarian said:

but it is tough sometimes watching other people who seem to be always be moving forward in life and then there's me, stuck in my holding pattern, doing what I can when I'm able, getting by but not exactly excelling at this whole life thing.

This. I have been on my country's equivalent of disability for about 5 years now, and have been accommodated in social housing subsidised by the government for about 2-2.5 years. 

Its shitty, not going to lie. Generally speaking, if you are so severely affected by mental illness to be on long term disability, it is very difficult to do the things that would help you feel like you have a worthwhile life and and a fulfilling life. 

Its not just a matter of finding activities to do, because actually having the interest and motivation, and then not having exorbitant anxiety or awkwardness during the activity, is virtually impossible, at least for me. 

Plus doing activities makes me feel as if both myself and my life is artificial, because like hell would I need to do them if I could work an wasn't so effected by mental illness. 

And like aquarian says, for me, watching others have a life and be functional is heartbreaking. 

In the end it depends on what symptoms you have and how well you can find other things to do at home, and manage your money. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, aquarian said:

but it is tough sometimes watching other people who seem to be always be moving forward in life and then there's me, stuck in my holding pattern, doing what I can when I'm able, getting by but not exactly excelling at this whole life thing.

^^I agree with this ... even now I still find myself seeing/watching this happen and it is hard, you're right.  Good way to explain it.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It hurts seeing other people moving forward in life. I feel stuck also. I feel like I am stagnant. I have no momentum. Just stuck.

I feel inhuman and worthless, to be honest.

Edited by surreal
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, surreal said:

I feel inhuman and worthless, to be honest.

FWIW ... I don't do much in life, but I don't feel worthless.  One thing I keep in mind is that there might be something/someone that I am helping out there somehow, even if I don't know how/what it is.  Or contributing to somewhere I don't realize that I'm helping.  There has got to be that somewhere. So I hold on to that.  It is hard at times to think like that, but in the end I try to hold onto those things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...