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You're not here to make friends. You're here to work!


madmax15
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Part 2 because I posted something about this before but it's still screwing with my head...

At my old job my old one of my work mates(am I allowed to call him a work MATE?! ) said "You're not here to make friends. You're here to work!! "

Like there's something wrong with making friends at work?! It's SERIOUSLY screwing with my head at my new job. I'm more focused on flat out working and I feel like a complete idiot. 

Was he in the right by saying that or was he playing me?! 

 

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madmax with your previous posts about taking long breaks I would think, like jt, that he didn't think you were taking the work part seriously.

I think it is good you think about these things. I have mis-interpreted co-workers and was totally clueless.

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2 minutes ago, madmax15 said:

Well sometimes I have problems understanding things and people like to make fun of it. So I can't tell when someone is lying about something or not if you know what I mean?! 

I don't know if they are making fun of you, but I know sometimes it is hard to tell people's intentions. That situation sounds pretty straight forward.

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1 hour ago, madmax15 said:

Part 2 because I posted something about this before but it's still screwing with my head...

At my old job my old one of my work mates(am I allowed to call him a work MATE?! ) said "You're not here to make friends. You're here to work!! "

Like there's something wrong with making friends at work?! It's SERIOUSLY screwing with my head at my new job. I'm more focused on flat out working and I feel like a complete idiot. 

Was he in the right by saying that or was he playing me?! 

 

I have actually been an assistant manager at a coffee shop before. I have said that in different words. What I said was, "While on the clock you are being paid to complete tasks and perform your duties."

Now I did start conversations as well as did the employees, I did not stop that if it was not at the busy hours. Cleaning while talking about something helps the task go faster and the time, and it builds the team.

I would start by stepping back from the situation and try to remember what you were doing before that was said. Were you being chatty when a task or duty was being neglected? Or is this work establishment against any and all friend making conversation? 

If you do not know, I would be bold and ask. I would carefully word it, something that does not sound defensive or out of control. Such as; "Sir, may I ask you a question about something you brought up the other day, you mentioned that we are not here to make friends we are here to work. I agree with you, did I seem like I was not doing my job? Or is friendly conversation while working not allowed?" Then wait for his answer and then follow that rule from now on. If he says you looked like you were not on task with your job, do not become defensive. Simply apologize and from then on out work hard.  If someone tries to pull you aside for some conversation tell them no, but maybe on break. 

It is a good rule to follow to be kind and friendly to all your coworkers, management, and above all the client/customer. But, just as the customer is not becoming your friend, neither is the coworker working beside you, unless you guys decided to hang out after or during breaks. That is when the friendships can grow. 

1 hour ago, madmax15 said:

Well sometimes I have problems understanding things and people like to make fun of it. So I can't tell when someone is lying about something or not if you know what I mean?! 

Yes I do. It feels terrible to be in that kind of social limbo. I personally feel like an idiot a lot of times because I misunderstand people because I am focused on a billion other things, or, because of my MI, I hear other voices that are not there and I get the real person crossed with the voices that are not real and literally have asked people to repeat themselves or write it down because I cannot focus.

Also people these days are sarcastic and rude and it is the normal behavior for what feels like everyone and their mothers. So it feels like I do not know if I can trust what that person says. My ADHD and Schizoaffective do not help in this social dynamic, plus I can be sarcastic but I choose not too because it is not a healthy form of communication in my opinion.

Life is already hard enough, why make it harder by saying stuff that is not what you actually mean to say?

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There are many different types of social interaction. For people who have social issues *raises hand* they can be difficult to separate.

Social interaction at work differs from social interaction at a movie theater.

When at work social interaction needs to stay professional and work oriented. In example: talking about work/work duties or talking casually with people while you work. The key here is "work". Any kind of social interaction that prevents you from doing what you need to do or preventing you from doing it in a timely matter should be avoided.

The other key in situations like this is to only be concerned with what you are doing, not anybody else. Other people will do or say inappropriate things at work and some with get away with it, but you can't control that and should stay professional no matter what other people are doing.

 

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21 hours ago, madmax15 said:

In the line of work I was doing there would be no way of avoiding interaction with my work mates. His statement doesn't make sense?!?!

You are bound to have interaction with your work mates, but when on the job, you have to stop being chatty and do the work at hand.

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