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'Psychological' aspects of mania.


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I don't know how to put it in terms, but I'll try.

From all my researches and experienced episodes I can't really draw a clear line between what I perceive as the psychological aspects of mania and psychoses.

The most difficult are related to delusion of grandeur that for me is part of mania but is also a psychotic symptom.

I'm noticing a pattern in some of my episodes that I usually start seeing accepted and tradicional social constructions as something tribal and too demanding for me to fit in.

I start becoming very judgmental and putting my views as something superior separating myself from my own humanity and becoming a sort of misanthropist.

I'm starting to think that it happens because I can't succeed on those social patterns and I probably start with this hypocrite sense of value by building a sense of self-worth by not fitting in.

 

Right now I can't afford therapy. I health care ins't covering it.

Is it possible that I can experience psychological aspects of mania without 'physiological conditioning'?

I don't feel any increase of my energy or lack of apetite, more difficult than usual to start sleeping or racing thoughts or any other symptom that I had in common with some episodes... but I think I'm having some misanthropist delusions and I'm relating it to somo sort of delusion of grandeur or a 'manic thinking' if that's a thing...

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts
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  • 1 month later...

I think I'm symptomatic for at least the past two days.

I took a sleep yesterday but I was pretty much serious in finding a risky job with some sort of ideology that I could just vanish.

I seriously took my time to plan on becoming a national environment guard in a corrupt area where I would be uncorrupted and soon dead defending animals and trees.

Also, I found how to go to a place like Aleppo to offer some aid, I even sent my curriculum but they are picky, they most want professionals in health area, trained. I could go and bring water or something.

I think I was symptomatic because again.

I thought all social constructions are, in simple terms 'stupid' and again, just because I lack in succeed on those things.

I searched for becoming an aid at some infantries around this globe but I'm only a reservist here and most of wars I would not engage.

There's a governamental job seek place, from last experience they could not find anything for me but offered some volunteer work.

I don't want dress myself in costumes and try to cheer people up because I'm not finding too much of logic in becoming a servant of the credit card company that my family made a gigantic debt.

I still rather die in some stupid way.

I'm symptomatic and I don't have any professional support any time soon.

The more I see the world as futile as it looks like, the more I would die for a centenary tree and just end this life already.

 

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts
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I am having a lot of trouble understanding what you're talking about. Do you mean that when you start becoming manic, but before the physical symptoms like sleeplessness and restlessness set in, you have predictable ideas, and those ideas involve being alienated from society and wanting to go find a Cause to devote your life to?

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Just now, Gearhead said:

I am having a lot of trouble understanding what you're talking about. Do you mean that when you start becoming manic, but before the physical symptoms like sleeplessness and restlessness set in, you have predictable ideas, and those ideas involve being alienated from society and wanting to go find a Cause to devote your life to?

I'm just showing irritability that now is addressed to problems in sleep non related to mood disorder but because I also have mood disorder when something stressful happens I start having some shitty ideas.

I'm not acting impulsive, I lack energy but when some stressful event happens I'm having the same ideas that usually happened when manic (the ones that says the world and society is a shitty construction) but now the I want to just risk it all on a risky job, this is part of both, mania and depression.

Last manic episode I have those themes around but I was also showing increased amount of energy, sleep deprived, psychoses and the list goes on...

Right now, on a bad day I sleep less than six hours, but I'm usually getting at least seven, I'm tired but I don't feel depressed but it's hard to keep this up.

I'm getting only bad news and I feel better compared to the beginning of the year, not in a manic way because I feel tired, lack of focus and blah.

What I'm noticing is, I'm becoming too sensitive to noises, I think it's because I'm withdrawing from benzo.

I can't address this state to one thing, what I think is, if this is a mood episode I can't recognize anything besides irritability that could just be because I'm not sleeping well because of my neighbors.

I don't know.

I'm not used to think those stuff outside an episode but this episode maybe is called life and life it's just tough right now.

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It sounds like your irritability and sensitivity to noise are stemming from you not getting enough sleep. I think that is also causing you to be difficult to understand. Is there any way to ask your neighbors to turn it down at bedtime? 

You mentioned a hospital- are you in the hospital?

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13 hours ago, heilmania said:

It sounds like your irritability and sensitivity to noise are stemming from you not getting enough sleep. I think that is also causing you to be difficult to understand. Is there any way to ask your neighbors to turn it down at bedtime? 

You mentioned a hospital- are you in the hospital?

Hi, I tried everything, next thing is calling the cops.

We have a meeting by the condominium and I made videos, turns out the couple who live there just lies and I'm catching those lies and that's when I become frustrated and angry.

How can someone just lie that way is incredible, first they said to me they didn't have a kid.

After a while and the impossibility of the running noises not coming from a kid I found out that they take care about their grandson.

The woman upstairs told me the grandson comes once a month, which turned out to be five days a week.

and the list goes on.

I thought I won this battle but no.

Every time I make a formal complain they just make extra sounds in propose and they admitted it in that reunion but didn't stop it.

Anyways.

Yesterday I was pretty tired, I tried to sleep in my bed but couldn't, the noise wasn't big but I'm already too sensitive, so I went in the back room where I put a mattress on the floor, it's where I sleep most of the time.

If humankind decided to live in society they were expecting society to abide.

It's less stressful if I deal with the noises than trying some justice.

I think at least the kid running I can make stop because they said it wasn't coming from their apartment and I could check it.

So this week, the kid was running and I wanted to sleep and was past the 'silence rule' I called and the woman upstair said, but the kid isn't here, I said I was going up to check and she said: ok, I'm sending him to his parents. and blah, blah.

How stupid she thinks I'm?

She fooled my parents in this non-sense but can't fool me.

So it's not imaginary noises because I called administration twice to hear it and my family too.

Anyways.

I think I don't make too much of a sense because of language barrier and yesterday I was too sleepy.

They are changing my sleeping habits because I can only sleep when they stop whatever they are doing and when they awake because I also awake.

They sleep around 5.

I'm sleeping 6:30h to 7:00h.

I feel ok today, not wanting to chain myself to a centenary tree but when they start making noises and I can't sleep because of it it's when those things are reasonable and I think it's because I'm symptomatic.

 

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts
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3 hours ago, uncomfortable thoughts said:

After a while and the impossibility of the running noises not coming from a kid I found out that they take care about their grandson.

The woman upstairs told me the grandson comes once a month, which turned out to be five days a week.

and the list goes on.

You have the same problem I have right now, except I haven't made a formal complaint.   

At first the people above me were making insane noise up there until 10-11 PM, since they moved in a few months ago, that when they were ?running (or whatever they were making noise with) so hard that the bathroom air vent (or whatever it is called ... the thing that circulates around on the ceiling) actually vibrates so hard I was jumping every time I heard it, which used to be every day.  Still happens, just not as much.  Also when they are running over another part of my home, the lamp fixture hanging there also vibrates.  There was one time where (I think but pretty sure) where the kid was taking pots and pans, banging them like being in a marching band.  And even though it has gotten "better," someone up there still makes hard noises on their floor (maybe running).  I'm pretty sure it is only the kid now. (knock on wood)  But the parents had to have been doing it also because the sound was so loud that even a 5 year old kid couldn't make.

So you aren't alone with this happening.

3 hours ago, uncomfortable thoughts said:

the noise wasn't big but I'm already too sensitive, so I went in the back room where I put a mattress on the floor, it's where I sleep most of the time.

I also sleep in the spare bed in the living/dining area and sleep much better there than in my bedroom.  Unfortunately though that no matter what they are doing, it is all over the house.  And wherever I sleep, I can still hear everything. 

 

Anyway, just wanted to share an experience that you, that you could probably relate to in terms of the noise upstairs.

I hope they stop! 

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4 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

  Also when they are running over another part of my home, the lamp fixture hanging there also vibrates.

Here the lamps vibrates while the kid run upstairs.

What the fuck?

Who thought about stacking up humans on buildings should be taking my meds.

6 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

So you aren't alone with this happening.

I hope they stop! 

I hope you also have the silence, something trivial and so important for health.

 

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I know, right?  (about the lamp vibrating when the kid run all over the place (or parents too)?  WTF pretty much sums things up.

13 minutes ago, uncomfortable thoughts said:

Who thought about stacking up humans on buildings should be taking my meds.

That is a good point!  I think it would be ok to stack people on buildings but ONLY IF the floors are made so that they are sound proof.

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3 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I know, right?  (about the lamp vibrating when the kid run all over the place (or parents too)?  WTF pretty much sums things up.

That is a good point!  I think it would be ok to stack people on buildings but ONLY IF the floors are made so that they are sound proof.

I don't think sound proof works on running on it and it's made more in absorbing the noise not made by a direct impact on it, but I'm just speculating this.

I don't think this is working out, at least here, there are a bunch of states to go and spread life and make life quality increase once again.

I look some cities around the globe and they look so provincial and good to live...

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts
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10 minutes ago, uncomfortable thoughts said:

I don't think this is working out, at least here, there are a bunch of states to go and spread life and make life quality increase once again.

I am very limited to where I live.  So I have to take it as it comes.  I got one person evicted, so I don't want to complain too much about another one, at least not yet.  But I can completely understand about going to another state to try to have a better life.

I hope you can find a place to live that will make your life have more quality in it. 

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11 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I am very limited to where I live.  So I have to take it as it comes.  I got one person evicted, so I don't want to complain too much about another one, at least not yet.  But I can completely understand about going to another state to try to have a better life.

I hope you can find a place to live that will make your life have more quality in it. 

I was thinking myself to move out but I can't afford it.

I was thinking about life in general, I think here in Banana Republic they should develop better other areas so it can make it better to live where I'm right now or, if I move, I would also get something developed in Banana's Republic standards.

I have a friend who live at south and they are so patient and not in a hurry there... when you walk on the streets people on cars stop to you...

Here you are running over by the ice-cream truck if there was one.

Let's wish everyone a better life. 

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