Have any of you had or have read of gabapentin being of use as an adjunctive therapy for people with treatment resistant depression/anxiety/bipolar?
I have been doing research and some sources say it helps, others say there is no strong clinical proof. I think a lot of the conflicting reports I have seen has to do with it simply not being studied en mass.
Any advice/experiences regarding this? If so, what was your dosing?
I need some energy, some motivation, some good manic voodoo. Why cant i have that without losing my damn fool mind.?
Hasnt anyone looked at that? Why must I be either lazy and lethargic or 90mph? Im always tired, always fatigued. I need to know how to get my mojo going WITHOUT my kookoo taging along every time. I cant believe nobody has studied this.
This is a long shot, but I figure I can't be the only one who has ever had this thought. Is there a way to induce a state that includes the productivity/happiness of mania - without all the extra bullshit? 😅
Mania is better than any drug, the euphoria is incomparable. Every time I skip a few days of sleep, feel an increase in energy, or anything that might be the beginning of an episode, I think - ''Please let this be the onset of the best feeling in the world. I can't do this shit anymore''. I feel so guilty admitting to that, because I know that being manic and being functional are generally not compatible. I also don't ever want to end up in hospital again, because that never fails to be a de-humanizing experience.
I have not had any symptoms of mania since my last hospital admission, three whole years ago. It was the first and only manic episode that I've ever had, and it lasted for about three months. I feel like I could have avoided hospital completely if I had experienced mania without the accompanying psychosis. If I could just achieve that level of elation without:
rapid speech word-salad delusional beliefs dangerously impulsive acts (e.g. jumping out of a car on the highway because the sky looked beautiful and I wanted a loser look) I look back on those ugly symptoms and I could never cope with them now. I go to college full-time, I work, and I have so much to lose if I lost the ability to communicate with others and behave safely. On the other hand - my life just feels so damn gray and stagnant; I miss feeling invincible.
Starting with a new therapist who does psychoanalytic-type therapy. She is focused on tuning into the subconscious mind, because our conscious mind apparently only accounts for like 5% lived experience. We spend entire session in unstructured conversations and she questions my associations in detail.
I spent decades on behavioral-focused therapies (CBT, DBT) thinking that it's "my fault" (or fault of my genes) that i cannot regulate my moods, crying spells, negative ruminations. I've failed those sorts of therapies, always trying to "force change" my conscious thought patterns & behaviors. I'm beginning to believe that maybe I have repressed & unprocessed trauma, much of which I cannot remember. I spend a lot of time dissociated, trying to go about my day.
I've been reading about the effect of subconscious trauma, and the symptoms of it. Having large memory gaps... Chronic fatigue...Always plagued with irrational feelings that come out of nowhere... they say that in order to access the memories is to return the brain to the same state of consciousness as when the memory was encoded...but what if you were under the influence or in an unsafe situation? What if you were 4 years old? How do you even access the actual experience, if you don't remember the specific event?
I am afraid to go down this road and open a Pandora's box of feelings, random associations, and impressions that I won't be able to make sense of. Consciously, I do not think about any specific events or trauma from the past....Some doctors say that efforts to uncover potential memories stand a strong chance of creating false recollections and narratives that could harm, distress, and destabilize.
Can recovering repressed trauma actually be psychologically damaging? Memory itself is not reliable, and extremely malleable; no matter how strong and vivid memory may be, the human mind is desperately prone to fallibility.