Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Long story short, I only recently realized what I experienced as a child was abuse.  I have not been diagnosed with PTSD but have been told I am suffering from the trauma caused by this abuse.  

This realization, along with recent actions by this person, have caused me to relive this trauma, and I am broken.  I've recently gotten some distance from my abuser, but not much.  They happen to be a family member and the rest of my family doesn't want to cut them out.  Which is their right, but makes it impossible to get away.

Every time I hear this person's name, or any detail that makes me think of them, I get a panic attack and feel sick and I can't stop crying.  I can't get this person out of my life.  I live at home, have no job, no money, (at least not enough to get me somewhere else) and no options.

I am trying to find a new tdoc, which is very difficult, but even if I found the right person tomorrow, there are years of therapy ahead.  I don't know how to hold on in the meantime.  It is only a matter of time before this person will re-enter my life in a much bigger way, and I have no control over that.

I see no light, I am angry with the concept of hope, I just want to run.  But I have nowhere to go, no friends either.  It's just that this is killing me, I feel like I'm dying inside.  I don't know what to do.

I will see my pdoc this week, but I'm not optimistic.

Thanks for reading.

anemone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are able to read a book right now (I couldn't because of symptoms, but some can), I believe there is one called Getting Through the Day that comes well-recommended.  If that's not the exact title, someone else can chime in.  It's reportedly filled with ideas about how to make it in a day to day basis while getting the other treatment.

finding a good therapist--if possible one who specializes in trauma--is critical as you noted.  That process can be a pain and I hope it isn't for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for responding, dancesintherain, it means a lot.  I was so scared to put anything into words.  Thank you for the book recommedation.  I just looked it up and that is the right title, I will try to get my hands on a copy.  I found a tdoc that I plan to call that seems to have experience in trauma, fingers crossed.

anemone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi anemone,

I'm glad it looks helpful and I hope it proves to be.  The CB bookstore also has some other ideas marked.  Beyond that, though, I'm glad that there's a possible tdoc on the horizon--that is probably where the most change will happen!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By Dewey
      I am going to copy this out and hand over to my new trauma therapist, will circle which applies to me.  I met with her last week and she educated me with certain diagnoses I was given that now fall under the new PTSD criteria.  I also am keeping a daily log of my symptoms and triggers. 
      CAUTION:  May trigger
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
      *
       
       
      Full copyrighted criteria are available from the American Psychiatric Association (1). All of the criteria are required for the diagnosis of PTSD. The following text summarizes the diagnostic criteria:
      Criterion A (one required): The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):
      Direct exposure
      Witnessing the trauma
      Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma
      Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)
      Criterion B (one required): The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced, in the following way(s):
      Unwanted upsetting memories
      Nightmares
      Flashbacks
      Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders
      Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders
      Criterion C (one required): Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):
      Trauma-related thoughts or feelings
      Trauma-related reminders
      Criterion D (two required): Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
      Inability to recall key features of the trauma
      Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world
      Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma
      Negative affect
      Decreased interest in activities
      Feeling isolated
      Difficulty experiencing positive affect
      Criterion E (two required): Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
      Irritability or aggression
      Risky or destructive behavior
      Hypervigilance
      Heightened startle reaction
      Difficulty concentrating
      Difficulty sleeping
      Criterion F (required): Symptoms last for more than 1 month.
      Criterion G (required): Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).
      Criterion H (required): Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.
      Two specifications:
      Dissociative Specification. In addition to meeting criteria for diagnosis, an individual experiences high levels of either of the following in reaction to trauma-related stimuli:
      Depersonalization. Experience of being an outside observer of or detached from oneself (e.g., feeling as if "this is not happening to me" or one were in a dream).
      Derealization. Experience of unreality, distance, or distortion (e.g., "things are not real").
      Delayed Specification. Full diagnostic criteria are not met until at least six months after the trauma(s), although onset of symptoms may occur immediately.
      Note: DSM-5 introduced a preschool subtype of PTSD for children ages six years and younger.
       
    • By Blahblah
      Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else...
      I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant ruminations that I have about MYSELF. This is simply how my brain operates in the world. I'm VERY critical of myself (I often see myself as unlovable, unworthy, lazy, too emotional, disorganized, I never do anything right)... Ex: Someone communicates a neutral statement to me, but I over analyze and read into it emotionally, and start feeling and questioning that the person is angry with me or disapproves of me.
      Anyone experience this? How do you de-program your automatic projections?
       
    • By killmankind1999
      I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
×
×
  • Create New...