Overall, I've been fine.
My OCD isn't as terrible as it use to be. I've had it all of my life, but it didn't take a terrible turn until three years ago.
I still have an issue with compulsive hand washing and intrusive/racing thoughts, but lately, it hasn't been affecting my every day living like it use to. (Thank God!)
My ("Major") Depression has been well balanced - mostly because I've been distracting the Hell out of myself. Recently, I've been trying to get out more, despite my issue with being out in public in the daylight. I've also taken on a new art medium - water coloring/oil painting, and I've been studying the crap out of it.
So, that pretty much keeps me from over-thinking my issues.
As of last year, in November, something peculiar has been happening. Lately, I'm not sure what to think of it.
Along with my diagnosis of OCD and Depression (which was last year in late June,) I was told over the phone from my mom that mental disorders pretty much run rampant in her side of the family, and I was not notified of this until I was...well, hospitalized. And everyone in my immediate family noticed that since I was younger, I had issues. But I guess everyone was kind of in denial, which I can understand. I know that even if I were treated when I was younger, I'd probably still be "sick," and it wouldn't make too much of a difference, but that's fine.
Anyways, what I was trying to begin to explain (sorry, I get off track a lot,) is that before my second hospitalization last year in November, something began to happen.
(Cliffhanger? No. Just being vague. Haha.)
When it first happened, I was alone. I think I was going downstairs, and I was thinking, "Thank God something something happened!"
And right after I thought that, I heard a voice.
In my head.
I didn't know what to think. It was a voice - clear as day - in my head. And there was no way in Hell that was my own thought. It was a deep masculine voice, and it was loud. I've never heard this voice before - or even know anyone who has that voice. It was definitely different.
I can't remember exactly what it said, but it was pretty angry; something along the lines of...well, someone who really didn't like the idea of God.
Now, since that occurrence, I've only heard him a few more times, but not as loud and distinct as the first time. He's not malevolent in nature, but he's more of the "tough love" type. I remember that I was over-thinking something that was making me really upset, and he pretty much told me to "cut that shit out!" And the thoughts ceased - pretty much snapping me back into reality.
Another thing that's been happening for awhile is that my thoughts - not only do they race, but they sort of...blend together...? Like, all of my thoughts are put into a blender and...blended, and I start to get confused, and I lose track of everything for awhile.
I don't know...I feel like I'm deteriorating.
But here's something important to add. I'm not entirely sure how you guys (as my blog readers, and the whole nature of this site in general) are going to feel about this.
For starters, I've been having paranormal experiences since I was a child. I guess when I was three, I use to talk to "a lady in the closet," which turned out to be our neighbors relative that passed away back then. I probably had more strange shit happen, but my dad had only told me that particular occurrence...
So, being told that when I was younger (pre-teen years) made me more curious, I decided that I was going to learn more about the paranormal (spirits and what-not.) And began to investigate at my own house.
Now, what I didn't know is that past residents of this house have a definite claim that this place is very spiritually active (which doesn't surprise me, knowing that this town and house are OLD.) But then I decided to stop after I accidentally stirred up (for the lack of better words) some ghostly drama, pretty much turning my home into a spirit gateway.
[Also, long story short (if this entry gets any longer, it'll become a TL;DR) I have developed my psychic sense over the years, even though it came naturally.]
Now, this is what I am unsure of.
This "voice" could just be another attachment of mine, but at the same time, I feel, or I know, that it is not a separate entity. Now, I don't believe that I'm possessed, even partially, because I've created precautionary measures for that to never happen.
And of course, I just had to be too damn sure, and took some schizophrenia screening tests online, and scored (generally, from the few that I took) high enough to be at the beginning stages of the illness. I also looked up symptoms from various sources and found that I have a deal of those, too.
So, this is my issue.
Is there something that I'm not being told again?
Or is it all in my damn head?
Edit: I've been researching my symptoms over the past few months, and some of my symptoms relate to schizophrenia, while others are from separate causes.
And I haven't been to my P-Doc since....October? My appointments with my p-doc are usually very spaced out, so I don't get to see him too often. :/