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I've been having such a hard time recently and because of my anxiety I cannot talk about it in person but today, a hour ago, I reached a new low. I have starved, purged, screamed into pillows, and ran until I passed out but I just cut. It was on my thighs, three long, semi-deep ones with a piece of broken glass. I liked the feeling, it was weird, it was profound, I hated it but I loved it and I'm terrified that I loved it. Please help me, I've cut on my hips once before (three years ago) and I hated it a lot more. Now I'm so scared of what this will escalate to, help me. 

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I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

First thing I'd do is go to the ER to get the wounds clean and bandaged up.  While you are there, is that a place you'd feel safe in talking about your anxiety?  The ER DRs will most likely ask how you got the cuts.

Are you in therapy seeing a tdoc and/or pdoc?  If yes, (And I realize you cannot talk about it in person right now) then I think being as much honest as you can would be the best thing to do ... even if all you told them was how bad your anxiety is, without saying any details.  And then tell whomever you see what you've done (actions ... ie cutting, starving, purging, etc). 

Maybe get medically checked out too ... if the ER DR only focuses on getting the wounds cleaned up to heal right and prevent an infection, and doesn't ask anything else, I would go to your general DR to tell them about the purging and starving and passing out.  Purging can really have a bad effect on your esophagus and teeth, then running until you pass out, etc, I'd ask about getting lab work done to check your electrolytes (mainly the K+, but there are other electrolytes that are important too).

Medication might help ... are you on medication?

I hope things start looking up for you.

Edited by melissaw72
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  • 2 weeks later...

....Hugs...   

Do you have an ED?  Whenever I purge and have been already feeling anxious it'll be like the fuel to the fire and BAM anxiety for the remainder of the day.  Do you purge often?  

I think the drawing rather than cutting as southern said is a super great alternative  I have never thought of that before. Have never been much of a cutter.. 

If there is any way at all to keep you from cutting again by all means please. It's a horrid thing to start up.  And clean up your wounds really well if you havent gone to ER!  Make sure to use hydrogen peroxide and bandage well to avoid infection.  

Definitely get your electrolytes checked.  Drink powerades/gatorades they really help.  If calories panic you there are also zero call ones that are the same.  Do you have any support or anyone to help you?  It's rough to go through it alone.  

Please be careful and get some help.  A good med can also do wonders. 

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