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Having a rough time today


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Got some bad news, I have OA (osteoarthritis) in my basal joint in my thumb. Which ironically is the pressure point for migraines. And after seeing the new ortho today, I trust him implicitly and he's going to do the carpal release surgery on my right hand, but he dx'd this basal joint OA today on me. Out of nowhere too, just saw his expression fall, and knew something wasn't right. After he moved it around and I had excruciating pain where he was showing me was the basal thumb joint, he told me I had carpal tunnel syndrome and this OA. The surgery for the carpal release is going to be endoscopic, but the other, it's not going to be easy to get through, 3 months of PT to get it back to working order after 3 months of inactivity. I don't know, need more research on if people who've had this surgery regret it or what. <sigh> feeling really shitty.

And then I bumped up on my abilify to 10 mg, but I think I need 15 again. Going to have to see pdoc sooner than I had planned as the surgery is around the appt for her follow up. I was reluctant to get back on abilify, but she helped me see I really needed it if I was going to do all this deep work (psychotherapy with my new tdoc) and she left it up to me if I'd go up to the full 10. Sucks. Just really depressed right now over this new dx. And then I had another insane migraine on the way home, so I was grateful my son's dad was there to drive me home.Nothing like sitting with a cool towel pressed hard into your left eye as your spouse drives you home. Ugh.

This is about where I'm at emotionally, trying to think of better days, and overlook the way life is treating me bad. Really feeling this song. For all kinds of reasons. <sigh> Fuck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu9G6tZZenE

Edited by Duelist
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I'm sorry you are having a rough day and that you were diagnosed with OA and carpal tunnel.  That would make me feel very anxious.  I hope the surgery goes well ... from what you write it sounds a little complicated but I think you will pull through ok.  

I've never heard of a migraine pressure point for migraines.  Migraines are the worst.  I'm glad you had a ride home.

Also hope the increase in abilify helps.

Try to stay positive, although that is easier said than done.

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Starting at the end--I couldn't get the sound to play for some reason, so I pulled up the lyrics to what you linked to.  They've made me interested in finding the song also (quick note--at another point in time when my meds haven't kicked in for the night!).

That sounds like one completely hellish day.  My mom's had carpal tunnel surgery and that went well for her (and is something she appreciates still), but I'm not familiar with the other one you mentioned which it sounds like is the more complicated one. 

I hope the abilify change is helpful and, if not, an additional bump does some good. 

Edited by dancesintherain
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22 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry you are having a rough day and that you were diagnosed with OA and carpal tunnel.  That would make me feel very anxious.  I hope the surgery goes well ... from what you write it sounds a little complicated but I think you will pull through ok.  

I've never heard of a migraine pressure point for migraines.  Migraines are the worst.  I'm glad you had a ride home.

Also hope the increase in abilify helps.

Try to stay positive, although that is easier said than done.

There is a pressure point you can see from an old photo I uploaded, I use this for migraine relief, when you squeeze itm it's like you're on this one spot that is where this basal joint is, the epicenter of my thumb pain.

14 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

Starting at the end--I couldn't get the sound to play for some reason, so I pulled up the lyrics to what you linked to.  They've made me interested in finding the song also.

That sounds like one completely hellish day.  My mom's had carpal tunnel surgery and that went well for her (and is something she appreciates still), but I'm not familiar with the other one you mentioned which it sounds like is the more complicated one. 

I hope the abilify change is helpful and, if not, an additional bump does some good. 

The Angel Song, by Great White. I don't know why it wouldn't let you play it, I'm sorry, but yes, it's really a moving song for me. What the ortho described, and I have to think that him telling me means he'd be willing to do this to me, even if he said he'd be reluctant to because of my wheelchair use. I told him how I have a power chair and all, so he seemed a little more open to the thought of it, after that I've healed from the carpal tunnel release.I am glad your mother is pleased with her results on her release surgery. Unfortunately I need both hands done. <sigh>

The surgery he described was amazing sounding. It's like they remove some of the tendon in the wrist, and take out the basal bone that is diseased and then put in the tendon bit. You splint the hand and keep it immobile for like over 8 weeks, I swear he said 12. And then he said I'd need 3 months of physical therapy to regain mobility. Not sure I can do that. But if it meant being out of pain then I would have to seriously consider it. This is sheer misery. I haven't been able to sew and I need to for the anti-depressive effects I get from it. Took up knitting this week, my son wants a scarf. ♥

The abilify though, I know it's helping, and I think if I went up to 15 it would be where I got the most relief. Have to see what pdoc thinks. 

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. I really appreciated sharing your thoughts. Have a wonderful weekend. I know I'll be knitting. Might even attempt some sewing. 

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I am really struggling today. I don't want to be here anymore, <gestures around herself> fighting tears because my fucking emotions just are out of control and I feel trolled by the two people I live with. I do not appreciate being told that I need committed by this asshat who fathered my son. I have learned something though, one thing I can do to effect this shit from happening again? Go on my own despite the intense physical pain to me to do so, on ALL my appts. Fuck this shit. So upset. Friday I got dx'd with arthritis and it's totally fucking with my head. I can take pretty much anything, but fuck with my hands? That's my breaking point. Feeling despair today and tears streaming. Asked for 10 fucking minutes to let an anxiety pill kick in and didn't get it. THere will be repercussions from that, he won't get something he wants from me later, like a foot rub. SO angry and hating it. 

Why do we put ourselves in positions like this? What is it about bipolar disorder that we set ourselves up for this kind of shit? 

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That can be understandably that the arthritis diagnosis is hitting more now.  He didn't respect your request for ten minutes for a med to kick in?  Is this someone you're stuck living with?  (Not saying it's your fault or that you should have to move, just wondering if there's anything that can change.)

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Yes, this is someone I live with. I wish something could change too, but sadly it seems that Information Society was right, "Promise are made to be broken" because I swear he'd said if I had to go be alone he would redirect kiddo and give me that time. It seems that has a caveat of 'when it's convenient to him and his gaming. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Not doing well. Had to go on Cipro for something and I am just so freaking 'off' it's not even funny. Been feeling manic and just sad. Anyone else have that reaction when on that damned antibiotic? I had my surgery to release the carpal tunnel and while that is going well, I just feel horrid emotionally. :(

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4 minutes ago, Duelist said:

Not doing well. Had to go on Cipro for something and I am just so freaking 'off' it's not even funny. Been feeling manic and just sad. Anyone else have that reaction when on that damned antibiotic? I had my surgery to release the carpal tunnel and while that is going well, I just feel horrid emotionally. :(

I had bad experiences on that med and tell people I am allergic to it so I don't ever take it.  I hallucinate more than I do now (when I do).  There are other reasons but I won't get into them here.

I'm glad your surgery went well and that you are recovering now.

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Thanks melissaw, I have read some people have psyche issues exaggerated when taking that med. I was ready to stop caffeine thinking that was what was wrong, but at least now that I am over a week off it I am better. I won't be taking it ever again, that's for sure. Ugh!

I have been knitting and doing the exercises that the ortho gave me to do and it's unreal they say in the notes to do it every darn hour! I do, but it's like, wow! I can't wait to get back to my sewing machine.

Hey dancesintherain? Was it to kill off h-pylori? I had that, they never gave me anything for it though. 

Edited by Duelist
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duelist - unknown definitively.  matches characteristics of c-diff, but never any definitive proof.  probably because i was given iv drip antibiotics while i was in the er for the gi nonsense and then i didn't give the sample for them until the next day.  the running hypothesis is that something like c-diff hit me out of the blue and then it was knocked out with the antibiotics before the sample got tested.  then i was given the take-home batch of antibiotics and that was to get rid of anything, if something was in fact there.  regardless, it dumped me in either ibs or post-infectious ibs land because the symptoms lasted for quite some time.  seem to be improving though. 

but yes, the depressive effect of that antibiotic--i almost forgot about it (and honestly forgot i'd mentioned it) because i didn't treat it seriously enough in the moment. 

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