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I NEED to be in the hospital. I can't take this anymore.


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I don't understand ANY of this and i'm fed up. I haven't left home in months, the clinician who has been occasionally coming to my home has said she doesn't believe in hospitalization for anything other than emergencies and can't personally do anything to get me into hospital anyway. I am feeling completely hopeless. I have a long history with the local hospital(only hospital in our city) and i've been repeatedly denied admission. I'm only 18 and i've been dealing with this joke of a mental health system for over 3 years. Along with anxiety and major depressive disorder, I was also diagnosed with BPD "traits" by an emergency department physician I saw for 10 minutes when I was 15, which was the start of this all. Looking back at my old posts really show how long i've been going through this.

I have anxiety and depression almost 24/7. Every day is a struggle to just get by and normal activities stress me out so much.

Due to myself being unable to leave home because of anxiety, i've not been seeing doctors or real therapists(besides the clinician that has come to my home). Nothing has been accomplished. The most recent meeting was to try and get me into the psychiatric unit, but obviously that didn't work out. The emergency department is obviously always an option, but I am 90% certain I will be sent home instead of kept inpatient. To them, it doesn't matter how suicidal I am(even if I have a plan). Last time I went was in March and was sent home(Which I made a post about as well). I don't know what their deal is. Apparently its not uncommon in Canada, but how is this legal? What DOES it take to get in? I seriously need intensive help. I can't focus on outpatient therapy while i'm this unstable.

This is one of my old posts made more than 2 years ago. I really appreciate all the responses and suggestions and i've tried almost all of them. It seems like i'm just a hopeless case at this point, especially since nobody will help me. Its just hard to believe sometimes.

A lot has changed since then, including the fact that I no longer even have a psychiatrist.

 

Edited by maddy232
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What do you think that a hospital can do that an outpatient psychiatrist can't? In my experience, hospitals are there only to keep you safe when you are a danger to yourself or others, and once the crisis is over, they discharge you.

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I haven't left my home in months and I can't reliably attend appointments because my anxiety is too out of control. I know people who have gone into hospital for months at a time and they weren't even in a crisis, they just went for stabilization and treatment because they needed something more intensive than outpatient. That's what i'm trying to get. There are too many problems to solve just by seeing a psychiatrist once a month(which in my experience, has been the most you get where I live) I also feel that I have been a danger to myself recently, which makes it all the more reason to go in.

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1 hour ago, maddy232 said:

I know people who have gone into hospital for months at a time and they weren't even in a crisis, they just went for stabilization and treatment because they needed something more intensive than outpatient.

I'd say that is the exception rather than the rule, at least in the US. I don't know about Canada.

I'm assuming you are assessed to determine whether you are a danger to yourself by doctors in the ER and they find that you are not a danger to yourself. I'm not arguing with you. I'm just telling you the reality, and the reality is you are unlikely to be admitted unless you are judged to be an imminent threat to yourself or others,

As far as being to anxious to attend appointments, you need to tell your doctor and therapist that. There are plenty of other people who have the same problem. Also, seeing a psychiatrist once a month is generally adequate because you need to give most meds at least a month to see if they are going to work.

As I said, I'm not arguing with you. I wish you could get into the hospital. I'm just saying that you may be asking for more than the system is willing to give, and that means you have to make the most of the resources you have available to you as an outpatient. 

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7 hours ago, maddy232 said:

A lot has changed since then, including the fact that I no longer even have a psychiatrist.

I would definitely find a pdoc as soon as possible.  S/he might be able to help you better than previous pdoc did.  Even seeing a pdoc once a month is better than nothing.  Are you on any meds?

From what you wrote I can't tell whether you see a therapist or not.  If you do see a tdoc, have you called him/her to let them know why you haven't been able to get to appts?

How about asking your parents to get involved and go to the ER with you or something so the ER people can talk to them too?

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Well my mom went to an appointment with our GP regarding me today and he referred me to a psychiatrist. I will find out the appointment date in 1-4 weeks(the appointment itself could be months away and i'm not sure how I will attend because of my anxiety). Apparently the psychiatrist can properly assess me and refer me to the psych ward, but only if deemed necessary in their opinion and if they are willing.

I don't understand how the emergency department doesn't consider me an imminent threat when I show up with stated suicide plans. The only time I go there is if I feel unsafe.

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3 hours ago, maddy232 said:

I don't understand how the emergency department doesn't consider me an imminent threat when I show up with stated suicide plans. The only time I go there is if I feel unsafe.

I don't either.  To me it seems like they aren't taking you seriously, but to be fair, Idk what they are thinking so it is hard to say.  They may have had input from your (or past) pdoc/s or gdoc/s about when you go to the ER.  I hope this new pdoc will be a good match for you. 

Also, FWIW ... When I was changing DRs awhile back, my initial appt wasn't for about 6 weeks.  In the meantime I got sick.  So I called his office and told the secretaries what was wrong, and they put me in for a regular appt (even though it was before the initial appt).  It was when I was switching gdocs, but same concept for pdocs. 

If there is an emergency (before initial appt with pdoc) I am pretty sure that s/he would see you before the initial appt.  (still a guess, but pretty sure about it).  But if the DR says to go to the ER (instead of coming to an appt before the initial one), and you go, and they say they won't admit you (assuming they don't admit you), then you can call up the new pdoc office and tell them you went to the ER but they wouldn't admit you.  So what should you do next.  I mean maybe if you went to the ER and say something like 'I haven't had my initial appt with pdoc yet and s/he told me to come here because I hadn't had that appt,' they might think differently if this a new pdoc telling you to go the ER.  Just some thoughts.

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Like others have said above, I don't know the reasoning behind why you would not be admitted to the hospital. I will only make some suggestions that might be of help.

I have found it a HUGE help to me to be able to contact my primary care nurse and my psychiatric nurse via email, MyChart messaging, or text. It is soooo much easier to type out a question or concern than it is for me to pick up the phone if I am anxious. I recommend finding practitioners who provide this option for communication and will get back to you within 24hrs.

I don't know what the psychiatric hospital experience is like where you live, but where I live, it is something to be avoided at all cost--mostly because even the doctors do not consider it a place of healing. Yes, they will adjust meds, but most effective therapy work happens in outpatient services and that is where most of the healing takes place. I am so sorry you've not found the right fit for outpatient treatment. Do not give up!

If you haven't left your house in months, I'm guessing that someone is delivering food to you. Would that person also be able to deliver you to an individual or group DBT appointment? From your description of your symptoms, I suspect you might do well with DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), which is a mindfulness-based therapy. It helps you observe your feelings from a new perspective and make different behavioral choices than you have previously. This makes it easier to start an upward spiral of thought and behavior. 

Whatever you are imagining you would gain from hospitalization, try to brainstorm ways to make those supports happen with outpatient services--and ask for help in making this happen--from a friend, family member, or social services.

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On 2016-08-20 at 4:02 PM, melissaw72 said:

maddy ... how are you doing?

I'm so exhausted with this whole "waiting for help" thing. I can't believe I could possibly be waiting up to 4 weeks to just find out the date of the psychiatrist appointment. I'm extremely angry right now and have been intermittently breaking down. It feels like nobody takes me seriously about anything or nobody cares about me and i'm beyond frustrated.

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maddy, I'm sorry it's taking so long. It sounds like things are no better where you are than here. Well, we don't have the 1-4 weeks wait just to make an appointment, though we do usually have to wait months to see a psychiatrist if we are a new patient. There just aren't enough pdocs to meet the demand.

I know you are frustrated. It sucks not to be taken seriously. I wish it could be sooner for you and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will get an appoint and be able to see a good pdoc soon.

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15 hours ago, maddy232 said:

I'm so exhausted with this whole "waiting for help" thing. I can't believe I could possibly be waiting up to 4 weeks to just find out the date of the psychiatrist appointment. I'm extremely angry right now and have been intermittently breaking down. It feels like nobody takes me seriously about anything or nobody cares about me and i'm beyond frustrated.

2

I'm so sorry, Maddy. I know how the wait feels. You're right, it does feel like no one is taking me seriously when I can't get in to see anyone fast enough. This sucks. All I can say is to be as patient as possible, and I really hope they get back to you sooner than you are anticipating. 

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I know that feeling of having to wait, it took months for me to get an appointment with the psychiatrist and even longer to be told what it is I struggle with. At the time I could go places much. I have a motorcycle and I wasn't using it, I'd get apprehensive about trips out to town with my mum and I'd get intrusive thoughts when I did. Since then though it has got easier, I can go to town on my own most of the time and I'm not troubled with intrusive thoughts nearly as much. But it took medication, determination and a whole lot of crying to get back to where I was. I'm still not in a good place but it's a hell of a lot better than before. 

I know how hard it is to be waiting and telling you to just be patient isn't helping since you've already been to the edge and titered there a while but it does get easier and hospitalisation isn't the only way forward.

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