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proper intro (ish) and update on my private blog (if you followed it/want to)


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i never actually posted an introduction and i really was trying to find a place to say i'm restarting my private blog, but, in a not-so-hot moment i deleted everyone from both blogs and so now i need people to tell me if they want to read it because i can't remember who all had been on it. (huge apologies...it wasn't personal, which i trust you'd know if you were reading my private blog ;)

anyway, since i did start the thread here, and i don't especially care if other members read it, but i do want to choose who does and really don't want to foist it upon those who might not, i'll do the introduction bit since i'd been MIA again until recently.

i don't really know what to say about myself. i'm melli, mel, mellie...or if you like to type out fully, mellifluous. i didn't choose this username, but then also i did. i used to share this account with someone. he's not here anymore. i miss him dearly.

anyway, about me... i don't want to get into my personal logistics and location and so forth and so in the spirit of the what's contained most often in signatures of this forum: my diagnoses are paranoid schizophrenia, ADHD and OCD. it's a hell of a combo. i mostly come here when i'm struggling with complications from my primary diagnosis...that'd be the schizophrenia, but i've posted about my ocd before. not as much though. i'm treated for the schizophrenia and ocd currently. the meds are mostly-ish working i hope. though i feel like they're starting not to, but i'm not going to get into that further here now. i've been sick for a long time and not believed it, i've been as high functioning as i possibly can be and i've been utterly low functioning in long term care. i'm currently what i'd consider at least moderate, though i don't work and i do have program and groups and individual appointments and so forth. i sadly spend a lot of time on my mental health and wish i could spend less.

i realise whilst writing that...my history on this forum has largely been coming online when i'm headed for a psychotic break or in the midst of one and when i'm better functioning, much less what i imagine i'd be at my topmost functional) i'm not here so often. that kinda sucks of me. i'm trying really hard to keep it together. i have a child now. i can't be hospitalised or in and out (my most recent in/out was much of the time between 2007-2014, give or take blips) and i can't be in trouble or generally behaving in the ways i tend to behave when i'm symptomatic. i would like to say though that despite mostly being here when unwell, i do sincerely try to be supportive and helpful, even if i don't always succeed  : o i maybe haven't always been the most constructive, but i often believe i am. though sometimes i'm out of my head and others i'm just a snot. i get that, too.

next in signatures is often treatments, so...i've had a lot of treatments, including several different medications and types of meds and ECT for command hallucinations and all sorts of therapy and go to groups and programs and blah blah blah. i've also been oh so fortunate to be mandated by the courts to have injections for (what turned out to be) two years. i'm still resentful about it. i got put on clozaril again most recently and it really has made a difference. after having my daughter my ocd just went nuts and i was suicidal for quite awhile, which tends to make me disappear also, come to think of it. but the clozaril has actually helped. at least on that. i'm recently starting to feel like my thoughts are tending toward a precipice, but who knows.

anyway, so, back to my point in writing this: the private blog. i'll add those on my profile list, but if you're not on that list, please post on this thread if you want to have access. i'm going to start writing again soon and mostly want to try and track things and be productive but also be as stable as possible and keep my shit together. if you're not on my profile list and truly can't post publicly and we already know each other, then you can message me. i don't want everyone i know doing that, though, because it'll be overwhelming, and i am not super comfortable with those i don't know messaging me until i do know them or see them around or something (soz and i'm not trying to be callous in saying that and you're welcome to post here if i don't know you and you can read it, just please don't message me until i do know you).

alright, hope this finds others well and to those i've not met before, hello!

xx

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I remember you from being around here and would like to follow, but I understand if you want some more time to interact as a trial run or what have you.  I don't think you need to feel bad for only coming here at poorer moments--plenty of people do.  And hopefully this proves to be the exception to that rule, but we're here if it's not.  I'm rooting for you though!

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3 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

I remember you from being around here and would like to follow, but I understand if you want some more time to interact as a trial run or what have you.  I don't think you need to feel bad for only coming here at poorer moments--plenty of people do.  And hopefully this proves to be the exception to that rule, but we're here if it's not.  I'm rooting for you though!

you should be able to see it. thank you for your kind words xx

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