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I doubt my diagnosis. Dissociation and or psychosis?


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Hi all.

I have an history of severe child abuse, physical, mental and sexual, and neglect. I have some PTSD and BPD symptoms, and I suffer from dissociation to the point I have other people in my head that do things for me.

I am diagnosed with psychosis nos or schizotypal disoder -not the personality disorder from the DSM but the psychotic disorder from CIE, I guess the difference between them is similar to the diference between OCD and OCDp-. Mental health nurses -some- have told me they think I  am developing schizophrenia.

I have some insight I ocasionally lost. I am not functional in life anymore.

But I still wonder what's the difference between dissociatve voices and psychotic ones. I have seen people with psychosis that know their hallucination and delusions are hallucinations and delusions, and they still are diagnosed with a psychotic disorder, even if they don't have full blown psychosis.

I know other people can't hear the things that talk to me, I know some ideas are crazy but I am forced to mainly believe it, even if it's at 80% -it's delusional thinking more than full blown delusions-. Somethimes a dark things tell me 'Kill them all', I know it's not good and I am not ggoing to kill anyone, but it's like the world becomes that thing saying 'kill them all', the world reduces to that speaking thing. I don't know what these things are, there is not any delusion about the police, FBI, aliens, or simiilar. That thing is just there and that's all. I guess this is why I am not diagnosed with schizophrenia.

When I think to much on that thing and start planing how to get venoms it's like I am in another world. When I am like this sometimes other people from my  head tells me 'Dont you realize this doesn't make sense? We will help you, we are a team.' Then these helpful things join me and I feel I am flying or totally unreal, but it doesn't happen all the times. Sometimes I just keep myself in my room thinking on how to get venoms while I forget to eat, shower and so. Things I do while I am like this always go wrong, even whhen I try to cook it's like I don't know how to do it anymore, and I look somewhat autistic. I am worried because college starts in two weeks and I have lab practices -chemistry-.

Lately people have told me they don't get what's the point of what I am saying when I a telling them something because 'You are telling different things that are not directly related, I cant see the point'. I don't get what they mean.

 

I am kinda confused because of all of this. I am writing something to my pdoc but I don't know exactly what I should write and what it's not necessary. I think they don't get what the problem is. When I talk about academical stuff I may look smart so it's like nothing happens, or sometimes I just talk with too few words so everything seems OK because they don't see whats going on and I can't explain it when it's happening because it's too confusing. I live alone and I don't have family or friends.

Edited by Bixo
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Hi Bixo

i have a psychotic and dissociative disorder. schizoaffective disorder and DDNOS. 

Mine are different though, so I can tell them apart.

The psychotic voices I hear are usually people I knew/know. And, they go along with delusional thoughts. But, when I am wrapped up in it I don't recognize it.

I have what a tdoc called "fragments". I can't hear them. They communicate through me. I can physically sense them and when I talk/write it gives them a voice.

i think writing something is a good idea. Why would it be a problem to look smart to your pdoc? They will still help you.

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1 hour ago, confused said:

Hi Bixo

i have a psychotic and dissociative disorder. schizoaffective disorder and DDNOS. 

Mine are different though, so I can tell them apart.

The psychotic voices I hear are usually people I knew/know. And, they go along with delusional thoughts. But, when I am wrapped up in it I don't recognize it.

I have what a tdoc called "fragments". I can't hear them. They communicate through me. I can physically sense them and when I talk/write it gives them a voice.

i think writing something is a good idea. Why would it be a problem to look smart to your pdoc? They will still help you.

I can tell the difference between what it's with me -my people in my head- and what is not, yeah, both kind -psychotic and dissociative- makes sense. I don't know if it is a dissociative disorder or just psychotic disorder with dissociative symptoms, or dissociative disorder with psychotic symptoms. 

I am mainly worried because I realize I think and do things that doesn't make sense, but I realize months after I did.

From my experience, if you can say more or less coherent and smart stuff they don't think you can drive really crazy. I have found myself believing I have broken reality and everything was fake and things from what there is behind reality was communicating with me. I am not really smart but pdocs always point it out as if what happens to me is not that bad because of it. I am at college and that's it, nothing really special.

I am afraid I may end up dead because I am not supervised enough because they believe If I am smart nothing really bad can happen because I always will have some insight -no, i won't-.

 

I could have died a week ago from the beautiful idea I had.

 

I think I have an 'academical part' in my brain -dissociated from me when I am in psychotic land-, that's almost always able to say something coherent, even if it is just 'Dogs are from the genus Canis'

Edited by Bixo
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3 hours ago, Bixo said:

 just psychotic disorder with dissociative symptoms, or dissociative disorder with psychotic symptoms. 

I don't think that this exists. As confused mentioned it's possible to be both dissociative and psychotic. However, the two don't mix. Rather, they are two stand-alone issues.

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I just wanted to say, my pdoc told me I had  a psychotic break.

 

But Nev is not psychotic, he told me from what I say he is something dissociative.

 

I doubt I will be given two diagnosis for Nev and others that have almost disappeared and for psychosis, but well...

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On 8/23/2016 at 5:12 AM, Bixo said:

I am kinda confused because of all of this. I am writing something to my pdoc but I don't know exactly what I should write and what it's not necessary. I think they don't get what the problem is. When I talk about academical stuff I may look smart so it's like nothing happens, or sometimes I just talk with too few words so everything seems OK because they don't see whats going on and I can't explain it when it's happening because it's too confusing.

I think what you wrote here would be a good thing to tell pdoc (if you haven't already ... I realize you posted Aug 23rd and that you've seen pdoc since then, but thought I'd post just in case you haven't told pdoc this).  I'd tell pdoc exactly what you wrote above.  Like print out this paragraph and hand it to him.  Pdoc may be able to help you express what you are feeling.

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1 hour ago, melissaw72 said:

Can you get a 2nd opinion?

Ohm, no, I can't, I am in the public health system and my pdoc is great. I don't mind too much about the diagnosis. THe last one before he knew about the psychosis was schizotypal, now he said i have had a psychotic break and been delusional for 5 months I guess he have changed it, but I don't know if it is Psychosis nos or schizophrenia or what. About the dissociation, I don't know If a diagnose is even necessary, I certainly have some people in my head -not psychotic ones- and cause me some troubles on diary life, but I don't need a diagnose, I just need my pdoc to know it (he is also my psychotherapist).

About your second post, thank you, I have already included what I wrote here to what I gave my pdoc last week, he understood it really well, he is a great professional.

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19 minutes ago, Bixo said:

Ohm, no, I can't, I am in the public health system and my pdoc is great. I don't mind too much about the diagnosis. THe last one before he knew about the psychosis was schizotypal, now he said i have had a psychotic break and been delusional for 5 months I guess he have changed it, but I don't know if it is Psychosis nos or schizophrenia or what. About the dissociation, I don't know If a diagnose is even necessary, I certainly have some people in my head -not psychotic ones- and cause me some troubles on diary life, but I don't need a diagnose, I just need my pdoc to know it (he is also my psychotherapist).

About your second post, thank you, I have already included what I wrote here to what I gave my pdoc last week, he understood it really well, he is a great professional.

I'm so glad you have a great pdoc.  It can be hard to find one sometimes who a person can "click" with and can work well together.  And I am glad you told your pdoc about all of this and that he understands what you are thinking.  It seems like he has been very helpful.

(in bold)  Since seeing your pdoc after first posting this post at the end of August, has he come to a conclusion of a diagnosis?  Although it is important to treat the symptoms. 

But FWIW ... I can understand wanting a diagnosis because when someone asks what I "have" or what my diagnosis is, I can just say it rather than explaining all the symptoms (examples ... one time I called 911 and they asked what my diagnosis was, other times when seeing a DR, they will ask my diagnosis/diagnoses ... rather than them guessing what it 'might' be ... which could be wrong).  So having a diagnosis puts the symptoms in one place that someone can understand.  So while it is important to treat the symptoms, I think it is also important to have a diagnosis.

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Uhm, I have seen him two times since I wrote this (first last friday and the second time on tuesday, he had vacations until september)... and I haven't asked about a diagonosis. Since all doctors can read what all other doctors write I guess he have wroten something on my medical records, but I am not sure what. Or maybe he hasn't changed anything and want to see me more times until he can diagnose me with something else or I don't know.

Once he wrote 'Psychotic disorder' on the computer without telling me anything, I found out because my GP told me about it. I know about the schizotypal being the last because I needed him to write a medical stuff for the disability pension and he had to put an specific diagnosis that was back in June, he asked me if I thought it was OK for him to put that specific one. I hate fast diagnosing since I have been misdiagnosed many times, like being labeled as having a PD by a psychologist who talked to me twice, so I like he is taking his time to write something more specific. I told him I didn't mind about the schizotypal because even if I don't believe I have it, it's more related to me than Autism or Borderline PD so he put that. I guess he is not telling me anything because he knows I don't 'want' any lol and I hate diagnosis changes.

 

Or maybe back then he said schizotypal because I was psychotic and would have freaked out if I have been told I was full psychotic or schizophrenic, actually, even if I have schizophrenia i don't want to know it, actually, I don't want to know what I have because I won't like it. I know it's not schizotypal because i have had many psychotic breaks, so the answer is easy, but I don't want it, even if I would like to have a diagnosis to be able to say 'I have X', but since I won't like X....... lalalalalala

If X was social phobia maybe I wouldn't mind.

 

I am a beh and that's it

Edited by Bixo
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2 hours ago, Bixo said:

I hate fast diagnosing since I have been misdiagnosed many times, like being labeled as having a PD by a psychologist who talked to me twice, so I like he is taking his time to write something more specific. I told him I didn't mind about the schizotypal because even if I don't believe I have it, it's more related to me than Autism or Borderline PD so he put that. I guess he is not telling me anything because he knows I don't 'want' any lol and I hate diagnosis changes.

 

I see what you mean ... that is a good idea.  Make sure your pdoc gets the diagnosis based on his thinking rather than others.  I can kind of relate to that.

I didn't accept my diagnosis of SZA at first.  Took awhile. Eventually I got used to it, but it wasn't easy.

 

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