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so im recently dx borderline with bipolar 2 as some of u already know.

my question is...

my p-doc says i am emotionally aged between 13-15yrs old, biologically i am 24. this leaves around a ten year difference in my real logic age and my emotional age.

he says to overcome my illness i need to "catch up" emotionally.

my question is how do i do that?

have u ever heard of it being explained like this before? i have no idea how to make up for lost time. whats your thoughts??

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he says to overcome my illness i need to "catch up" emotionally.

my question is how do i do that?

have u ever heard of it being explained like this before? i have no idea how to make up for lost time. whats your thoughts??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Iona,

Do you have a tdoc? He/she would be much better at explaining this. I have heard it said like this.

What it means to me, is that you begin to start learning and practicing behaviors that are age appropriate, while still recognizing you missed some developmental milestones along the way.

I am not qualified in anyway to say this, but I think your pdoc is at a minimum confusing you're already confused state of mind. From what you've been posting, it seems like stabilizing you in the NOW is a more important focus than some nebulous target of "catching up emotionally."

That's why I asked if you had a tdoc, therapy is great for working out all this kind of crap. I go once a week and have for the last 2 years, and I'm just now, I think, starting to make some *real* progress in learning how to live as a 45 year old. I don't believe in trying to recapture the past, even yesterday. Poof. It's gone, what am I going to do about today? Then I try to handle each situation that comes up today in an "age appropriate" manner. Sometimes I act 45, sometimes I act 5!

It's life for crying out loud, not some break from middle school and now you have to do all the classwork you missed.

Just my 2cents worth.

I've been reading your posts, I know you're struggling. Stay strong,

Hugs (sorry, I'm a hugger),

Suze

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What that means to me is that you should've learnt coping skills around that age to deal with pain and manage it, but instead you picked up on self harm or binging to cope, and now you need to learn new things. It can also mean that you got stuck at that age where you're trying to figure out who you are, at that age where you're very inscure, and this has carried on into your twenties. This isn't something that you have chosen to do or neglected to do that has made you this way, it's just how things are for you right now. It can change.

Are you going into therapy? Because that really is a priority for anyone with BPD.

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I'm not borderline, but I wish I knew how to "catch up" with my age as well. I feel like I haven't changed my mentality since I turned 15! I can't figure out how to worry about things I should be worrying about at my age, like employment, paying my bills, furthering my life... I feel like my parents should do those things, and I should just do chores, have homework, and go out and have fun.

I'm abnormally optimistic! But I'm afraid of having to worry about the things people my age worry about. I don't think I'd be able to do it.

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i do have therapy as well as the therapy my p-doc gives, my appointments with him are always an hour long so we do a lot of therapy as well as drug stuff.

im just so over it, but i got to change that mind set and make every day a positive challange and try to achieve everything i can.  but thats so hard for me

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On the plus side, a lot of people fall behind after they reach adulthood. And it's a long road.

If I could have my wasted days back

Would I use them to get back on track?

Stop to warm at karma's burning

Or look ahead and keep on turning?

Do I have the strength

To know how I'll go?

Can I find it inside

To deal with what I shouldn't know?

Could I have my wasted days back?

Would I use them to get back on track?

...

Keep searchin'

Keep on searchin'

This search goes on...

This search goes on...

...

I've worn out always being afraid

An endless stream of fear that I've made

Treading water full of worry

This frantic tick tick talk of hurry

...

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

(Metallica)

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What that means to me is that you should've learnt coping skills around that age to deal with pain and manage it, but instead you picked up on self harm or binging to cope, and now you need to learn new things. It can also mean that you got stuck at that age where you're trying to figure out who you are, at that age where you're very inscure, and this has carried on into your twenties. This isn't something that you have chosen to do or neglected to do that has made you this way, it's just how things are for you right now. It can change.

Are you going into therapy? Because that really is a priority for anyone with BPD.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree Karuna!  I'm BPD too and probably bipolar II as well....um anyway, but the whole "not learning to cope" thing rings so true with me.  I was way too busy learning self hate, eating disordered behavior, and about how to manage my extreme moods/anger & depression and anxiety...

The point is, last week I told my tdoc today that I feel that I act as a 12 year old but think like a 25 year old.  I AM 25 but somehow I keep rebelling and doing stupid stuff as if I were a teenager.  I can only speculate as to what will help with this.  I think the key is good therapy and owning up to your actions.  We need to become adults as scary as that is and realize that adults make mistakes too.  We just need to focus on doing what we know to be right despite our "crazy" tendencies and stuff.....

HUGS and good thoughts!!!!

Marisa

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I've heard and know of my own experiences where people with BPD can be quite perfectionist and rough on themselves. We're not all rebellious teenagers, sometimes some of us tend to demand perfection, and then when we mess up, we get out of control in our response. After all no one self harms or tries to kill themselves for kicks, there is an element of pain and suffering going on. I can see how it is easy to fall into a 'all borderline personality disorder sufferers are wackodrama nutcases out to have loads of fun and wreck everyones lives' mindset but I do believe that we're senstive people who do deeply care about getting it right, we just don't know *how* to do it.

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