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So...how do you reality check when the ordinary things you'd rely on have been proven unsuccessful?  or when you can barely trust your brain to reach an adequate conclusion? 

more challenging-ly (pretend that's a word), how do you reality test when if something were right, it would be really scary to you to know because it would either mean that you're being hurt (of sorts) by someone you trust or that you'd have accused them of hurting you and you were wrong?  How do you do it if you're scared you don't really want to know the answer because either answer is scary? 

how do you do it when what you're relying on for reality testing just plain shouldn't be happening or doesn't make sense or is beyond what really, really sounds like normal?  how do you raise this sort of stuff with someone you trust but whose answer could be something you dislike or are uncomfortable with? 

in short--I know that trusting pdoc and tdoc is part of the treatment process--but I was just barely learning to trust myself when everything collapsed in again and I don't want to go accusing people of crazy things.  and that's probably just the start of it, because there's an even bigger one that scares me too much to even consider.

 

edited to add - or when it means that you're very carefully relying on a friendly group of people who have no reason to be doing this anyway.  sometimes i ask too much. 

Edited by dancesintherain
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31 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

how do you raise this sort of stuff with someone you trust but whose answer could be something you dislike or are uncomfortable with? 

Idk who 'someone' is, but let's say for example it is your pdoc and/or tdoc.  Sometimes things you hear from people you trust (pdoc/tdoc) - or somewhat trust - aren't going to always be what you want to or like to hear.  It could be something you dislike and/or are uncomfortable with.  It's just like that.  It happens.  I think that hearing something that you are not comfortable with and/or dislike can be something new to you that you could work on with tdoc and/or with pdoc.  I think it may mean progress.  It might be a good thing.  They might realize something you haven't realized yourself yet.

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I'm terrified of what that might be, hypothetically speaking.  I've finally gotten myself relatively sure on my feet. I work in a world where mental illness of any sort is frowned upon but particularly anything I've currently been diagnosed with and most of the other items on the table won't go over better.  It scares me. But dear god do I need all of this to stop, so I guess I'll deal. 

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Define how I'm dealing with what I'm feeling/dealing with now?  

Im tired (probably more emotional than physical, but could be either) and I'm curled up with a DBT book working through some distress tolerance oddly enough.  Waiting to hear back from my parents is not bad as its only a day.  I honestly feel worse asking and I'll be okay with a yes or a no, given how much they've already helped.  

The situation with L is more of a bigger picture issue, but it doesn't seem like anything is likely to happen now.  Even if it does, im working on keeping some perspective on things.

Overall, I'm not feeling overwhelmed or mood-state-y any more than I was before visiting the world of Facebook and my text messages--neither triggered me.  Facebook definitely has that potential to push too far, but I regrouped. 

All that said, I realize what I talked about was on my blog (not the how I'm feeling about it or dealing with it angle), so you might not have a clue what I'm discussing.  That's my best guess at answering yor question, but I can do a do-over if I have missed the boat somehow.  I don't keep things that are relevant from pdoc to the best of my knowledge. 

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7 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

Define how I'm dealing with what I'm feeling/dealing with now?  

This is what I was referring to ... in your OP:

(these questions you ask seem to all be bothering you, which is why I said about you saying, 'with how you are feeling now."  And then telling pdoc how you are confused about the questions being asked ... and then how are you dealing with it now.  I'm sorry if you took offense of what I wrote.

7 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

All that said, I realize what I talked about was on my blog (not the how I'm feeling about it or dealing with it angle), so you might not have a clue what I'm discussing.  That's my best guess at answering yor question, but I can do a do-over if I have missed the boat somehow.  I don't keep things that are relevant from pdoc to the best of my knowledge. 

I'm just really sorry for all of this.  I must have misinterpreted what you wrote.

I won't write anymore about anything in this topic, seeing I must be pretty off-base and not of any help with my posts in this topic.

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I can't remember what you said to me in the past post where I gave up, but you don't need to give up.  I'll eventually stop spinning people in circles.  I appreciated that you were direct and I'm sorry for maintaining this boundary, but I somewhat have to write now, which still makes no sense.  But staying out of this post sounds good, if that works.  And yes, I'll verbally tell my psychiatrist what's going on when I can.  For now, I've been given some good tools by PHP.  And somehow my brain keeps remembering certain details like that--some of it must be meds, some not I guess.  I'll take them daily as prescribed.  I've at least learned to keep that up and report it if I'm not and to just work with it.  Don't think I'll be game for reducing lithium any time soon though--my mood's still all out of whack. 

I'd say that doesn't make sense, but I've given up on figuring out what does and doesn't make sense to others.  Reality checking everywhere I go, but I'll keep pushing forward.

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3 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

but you don't need to give up.

Ok, so I will answer your question based on above quote about no need to give up.

 

On 9/1/2016 at 6:57 AM, dancesintherain said:

in short--I know that trusting pdoc and tdoc is part of the treatment process--but I was just barely learning to trust myself when everything collapsed in again and I don't want to go accusing people of crazy things.  and that's probably just the start of it, because there's an even bigger one that scares me too much to even consider.

^^This quote is why I asked you regarding how you were feeling/dealing with these things.

 

14 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

Define how I'm dealing with what I'm feeling/dealing with now?  

I answered this question based on the second quote above. 

 

I'm sorry if I have assumed something along the way that I am not aware of (but doesn't mean it isn't there).

 

 

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