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My relationship and my head...


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Hello everyone,

I have OCD and this problem relates to my OCD so I don't know if I should put it there or here...  But this is about my relationship.

I love my boyfriend.  Let there be no mistake of that.  I have been with him for six months but have known him for five years, since we were freshman in college.  When we first met, I had a crush on him but nothing ever came of it and we both dated other people.  Then we started working together last year and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other.

And it's been great.  He's a lot like me (minus the OCD - thank goodness!).  But he has been there for all my OCD, knows all my absurd thoughts and has never once judged me or thought I was really "crazy."

Today I was reading this book and there's a couple in it and the girl feels like she's dating her brother b/c she grew up next to him.  I started thinking about my boyfriend and I, how happy I am to be with him and then crap - what if he's so much like me that he's like a brother to me?  What if I start thinking about him like a brother?  Could I start thinking about him like that?

And I can't get the idea out of my head.  It's stupid b/c I know I never would have thought it if I wasn't reading this book.  But it won't go away.  I don't want it to ruin anything.  He's the best thing I have in my OCD saturated world and when I'm with him, wherever we are, it is usually the safest place for me to be.

I've had runaway thoughts get in the way of relationships before.  But this one is really special.  I don't want it to happen again.

Help!

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I think that you have already picked up on the real problem, that an insecurity about the stability of the relationship exists anyway, and this book triggered it off. Maybe if the book had been about the boyfriend sleeping with a work colleague, you'd be obsessing about that, for instance. So I think it's really positive that you have seen past the OCD and into the true nature of it, you really love your boyfriend and don't wish to lose him.

I am really happy to hear that time spent with your boyfriend is so safe and meaningful for you. But maybe you need to make sure that he is not the only thing in your world. Relationships are like anything else, subject to change and potentially ending. The more we cling and try to control them, the more they elude us. So making sure that you have other safe places outside th relationship, friends that support you, passions that absorb you, will cushion you from the fear that it may end, because it won't be the end of your world, even if it would hurt a lot. Also, when obsession strikes, the best thing to do is to get busy and distract yourself.

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