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BPD Sick of Dealing with it

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Ive been dealing with this for over 30 years and I'm just so tired of it all. The pushing people away, the self harm, the eating disorders, the fact that I can't even look at myself in the mirror cause I see failure.  I don't like my picture taken, its not that I don't have support but I'm always thinking there just trying to be nice or they have to feel that way because they love me, I can't take a compliment. I feel like a mistake, a nobody.

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I also feel this way. I hope you get a chance to get your head above water soon! - It's usually the times I don't feel like this that keep me going - holding on to those memories and trying to remember they are real. Your memories of better times are real and you deserve them, and I wager you shall have more of the these experiences again!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can somewhat understand what you're going through. I have been going through a lot. Sometimes I feel emotionless and empty. Its not a good feeling. Its almost zombie-like. Other times I can be extremely aggressive, irritable, and hypersensitive. I don't think I am a BPD sufferer, but I have self-harmed a few times before. Its not a good thing for someone to do at all. I used to be depressed a lot, but Im so numb now that the only emotions I have are impulses, adrenalin rushes in the lyrics I get lost in and the constant running I do, pleasure from all the cigarettes I smoke, anger, and frustration. 

Im just unempathetic. I can't connect emotionally even to members of my own family, I have to live in such a toxic household environment and I hate that. I used to be so depressed about the fact that I had been so lonely and had no one to talk to. My lack of openness to others and my unattractiveness and unattractive behavior werewhat held me back so much. I was corrupted in the mind and still am today. I don't know how to get right with God. Im getting to where I miss crying because I just cant feel anymore. I feel like Johnny Cash in his song "Hurt". It fits me perfectly. I am too numb to express hardly any emotions besides my basic impulses and anger.

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