Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

304.1 Sedative, Hypnotic, or Anxiolytic Dependence


Recommended Posts

Hi

I'm new at the forum, made some posts already about some minor issues. My main problem is addiction to benzodiazepines. I have used pretty much all drugs available in the past, had 5 months of heroin addiction like a year ago. Of course when you use drugs and get addicted people think you only think about your own pleasure. You use drugs to feel great every day. Well that was not my problem.

I've always been "different" and I always felt this. High IQ, a bit of social isolation, quiet, introvert, etc. Dx Asperger's now for that.

It wasn't always I problem, I have always been happy. But at the age of 14 I began to experience sadness which got worse and worse. Mainly because I had no real friends then. Some things happened and it got even worse. I quit my school.

Of course it got even worse when I was at home, no school, no work. Sitting in my pyjama all day playing computer games.

I then read a website telling about how drugs like cannabis, mushrooms and lsd could change your view on life, having great insights, and after the trip you could start with a better life. I made the mistake of believing it. Well I live in Holland and marijuana is legal here, mushrooms too, so that wasn't the problem. I bought it and order it over the Internet. I even told my mother who was angry at first but didn't know what to think of it, cannabis isn't looked upon much as of a drug here, more something like worse than alcohol but better than drugs. Can't blame her.

I didn't enjoy doing it, but I enjoyed the stuff around it: ordering a package over the Internet, examining the contents of the bag it comes in, making the preparations, and of course the drugs forums, online contact with people. I also used dextromethorfan then which is an anti-cough medicine sold OTC, which produces hallucinations if taken in absurd dosages. I liked going to the pharmacy and buying a product that was perfectly legal but made me feel different.

I went to a new school, which is great btw and I'm still doing that school. I met a boy who smoked weed 24/7 and used ecstacy sometimes. Ecstacy is very cheap here. I started doing that a few times as well: if I did weed already, why not ecstacy? It's also a hallucinogen, just with a stimulant effect, I told myself. When rolling on ecstacy I bought amphetamines which was one step further.

The biggest step towards addiction was when I found a bag full of medications from a family member who died of cancer, and used them. Codeine, temazepam and fentanyl (morphine). The feeling that smoking fentanyl gave me was so much that I couldn't stop myself from getting on the train to a nearby big city and buy heroin on the streets.

[insert addiction story here @ timespan of 4-6 months]

When I realized that doing all the drugs was really bad I tried to stop. Instead of heroin I bought methadone (less sedating, less dreaming, longer effect) and I slowly stopped using opiates completely. I switched to benzodiazepines, which I had already used for quite some time. Benzodiazepines are also to be obtained easily here: about US$ 5 for 100 mg diazepam in the streets, in a blister back so you always know it is diazepam you buy. I liked this concept.

I'm now using benzos for about ten months, with some breaks of a few weeks sometimes. I've been treated for benzo addiction in a youth psychiatric clinic twice (16 weeks in summer '05 and 1.5 weeks recently).

I can't get through this.

I don't bother about the withdrawal, I've gotten through it every time.

It's just that I want to be able to take a sedative or hypnotic when my brain is going crazy.

I'm dx'ed Asperger's (+ sedative dependence and opioid-related disorder-nos).

I will try to explain why I use benzos so much.

A benzo is usually not a nice thing to take. A lot of patients scripted benzos complain about getting sleepy from them and not being able to do their work and stuff.

Benzos don't feel nice, like cocaine.

But there are conditions where a person can like the effect of benzodiazepines. A person suffering from extreme anxiety might like to take lorazepam or Xanax. It is not the feeling that the benzo gives that the person likes, but the indirect effect that is experienced as a revelation.

Every time I take a benzo I feel well after an hour.

Maybe it's Asperger's: my head is always full. Full of thoughts. It gets a big problem when it are negative thoughts and I can't turn them off.

This is why I am addicted to benzos.

I had little problems quitting heroin, no problems at all quitting crack-cocaine, amphetamines weren't much around here luckily because I liked them, but benzos! I CANNOT STOP TAKING BENZODIAZEPINES. Maybe for a few weeks, I did that before.

I don't even want to take heroin, I don't care what it is, I just need something to calm myself down sometimes.

Nobody understands this!!!

Everyone INCLUDING my doctor still thinks I consider it FUN to eat medication!

I tried to convince them but it didn't work. They're just afraid I'll get addicted to other drugs again, or I do stupid things on benzos again. I don't know why they think this.

I need a medication to lower my brain activity. They don't know what it's like to be Asperger's. I see the world differently. This is autism, not substance abuse.

I have tried various medications (legally prescriped): Risperdal, Dipiperon (Haldol-like), Ritalin, and I'm on Prozac now.

I showed my doc this website: http://www.remarkablemedicine.com/ but he can't prescripe that.

My post may be a bit long and not-structured but that's me, sorry.

The point is I don't want to feel guilty every time I take a pill to cut a moodswing!

I have this need a few times a week. I don't use daily anymore.

What's worse: taking a benzo or not being able to sleep because of negative feelings like hating yourself and therefor miss a lot of sleep and study performance the next day?

I don't know how to explain this: "when my head is full". I think it's an autistic thing. Just imagine it's really hot and you're very thirsty and walking on a long road wearing stupid glasses. That's how it feels ;)

Greetings

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't take benzos daily.

I don't have anxiety.

I just can't get calm from myself. This is either Asperger's or Asperger's with ADD.

I have high muscle tension because of chronic stress because of this!!! And I'm only 18 yrs old! I can't live 60 more years being so tense. My brain can't relax. With tranquillizer it can a bit. This is why I'm addicted, but nobody understands this. So frustrating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all, glad you made it here!

I don't know much about Asperger's; maybe someone else can address this. Have you or any of you doctors considered some type of bipolar disorder? Some of what you are describing fits, including the self-medication. You might want to read this and see what you think: Mood swings without "manic" episodes: Bipolar II -- more than plain depression, but never delusional or psychotic. Maybe this won't fit, but thought I'd mention it in case it might.

The site you gave is about Dilantin (phenytoin). This is an older anticonvulsant / mood stabilizer. There are many others, including some newer ones. They are often used to treat bipolar spectrum disorder, as well as treatment-resistant unipolar depression. I'm curious, why did your doctor say he could not prescribe this?

Best wishes!

revlow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, thanks for your reply!

I have indeed thought about a bipolar disorder. I've also read in my medical dossier "Axis I: dysthymia OR cyclothymia" so bipolar 3 that's called i believe? (This dx list is old and was updated later, no mood disorders currently official) When I read my post again it indeed 'sounds bipolar' a bit, but I cannot make a dx myself, and I asked my doc about this a few days ago and he said the dx list is probably complete now. When I pointed out that I wanted the moodswings to have a DSM number ;) he said something like that will be researched.

I'm very happy sometimes but I can't judge it myself, is it maybe ADD, could it be the Ritalin stimulating a few things here and there, is it hypomania, or am I JUST HYPER? I feel like my doc is avoiding the subject a bit, but I could be wrong. Maybe he's thinking of it but doesn't want to make me concerned, he knows I worry much. But all I want is just clarity and stuff.

My doc said he couldn't rx phenytoin because it wasn't indicated for any of my symptoms and it's use was NOT well-known within the clinic and not common at all in my country. He did say, for moodswings we usually give either valproate or lithium, but that's quite heavy, and since you're not bipolar... They do prescribe off-label a lot, just well-known meds only, for the safety and med inspection or something I think.

I'll have to try an SSRI first (I'm on 2nd day now, fluoxetine 20 mg dd) before moving on to a mood stabilizer, neuroleptic, maybe a TCA, who knows, I like meds especially when they come in kinky 2colored capsules :) lol sry :P Asperger's thing; obsession

I'll read the website you posted tomorrow, it's bedtime.

Greetings

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi restless,

Asperger's people often have coexisting disorders, like depression, anxiety, etc. Have you looked at the Wrong Planet site? http://www.wrongplanet.net/

It sounds like your pdoc is considering other Dxs in addition to Asperger's and is trying a trial run of some meds to find a set that help.

It's really good that you recognize your addictive tendencies. What does your doc think of the therapeutic value of benzos? Does he think there is none for you because they are addictive and you are susceptible to addiction?

In the US we have an anxiolytic called buspirone that is non-addicting. Perhaps you can inquire with your pdoc about that? This drug acts slower and more subtly than a benzo, but for some it helps.

Are you in any type of psychotherapy? It can be really helpful in addition to the meds. I've had the best results from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You might want to ask your pdoc about trying that to help quell the negative thoughts so you don't have to rely on the benzos.

Best,

--Weasel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I apologize for my ignorance re: Asperger's. I once had a boss who's kid supposedly had Asperger's, and frankly the kid seemed fine to me -- his father was another matter! Complete asshole. I truly suspect the father latched on to the Asperger's dx to blame his own frustration and poor skills as a dad onto this kid. Anyway, I don't have a reference point as to how it appears in adults. I'll read up on it at that site. (Thanks, WC!)

At least here in states, one of the mood stabilizers most commonly used to treat BP is Lamictal (lamotrigine). Generally, from what I've read, they'll use it most for types of BP other than BPI.

Please keep us posted, okay?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi restlessworld

i was a little confused about your benzo addiction.  i enjoyed reading your story because i have a (extremely) similar one!  but heres my questions.. if you find that the benzos help your symptoms of racing mind for example, how exactly are you addicted?  if you stop (which you said you could take breaks) you get those symptoms back.  this all can be explained by the fact that these medications were helping.

if you are uncomfortable with benzos, there are other medications (someone mentioned lamictal and there are similar ones).  but generally the side effects are worse with other medications, especially compared to lorazepam, which has very few side effects of all the benzos.  personally id take the benzos and take them as prescribed and not worry about addiction, since you said that you can stop without withdrawal except for a return of symptoms.

anyways, dilantin is not a good choice.  it may have helped richard dreyfus or what not (from that remarkablemedicine website, which yes i had seen before), but i used to take it for seizure disorder and it did nothing for my mood or thoughts.

best of luck.

Hi

I'm new at the forum, made some posts already about some minor issues. My main problem is addiction to benzodiazepines. I have used pretty much all drugs available in the past, had 5 months of heroin addiction like a year ago. Of course when you use drugs and get addicted people think you only think about your own pleasure. You use drugs to feel great every day. Well that was not my problem.

Greetings

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I myself have used benzos recreationally so I totally understand why you do it.  Talk to you doc about other meds that could "shut up" your mind maybe? There are other, less addictive options out there? I'm amazed you can handle the withdrawal. I recently went through Xanax withdrawal and that was hell on earth. And I had only been using them for two weeks!

But as i said, research what other options you have that can still give you the desired effect? This forum is a good place to start. For me, antipsychotics have helped a lot with the symptoms you describe.

Good luck and take care!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi just a little update

I'm on my 5th day of Prozac (fluoxetine 20 mg in the morning) and it's going pretty well.

I took a tranquillizer friday, meprobamate, it's and old tranquillizer, not prescribed anymore, but it's much like a benzo. I haven't felt any need for a sedative since then. Well not too heavy at least.

Fluoxetine works pretty well for the symptoms I took the benzos for: moodswings. They are less intense, less frequent, shorter and I can stop them easier and handle them better.

(sorry the quote code didnt work i made them bold)

It sounds like your pdoc is considering other Dxs in addition to Asperger's and is trying a trial run of some meds to find a set that help. That's true, we are trying to find something that helps. He reckons I need *some* sort of medication luckily.

It's really good that you recognize your addictive tendencies. What does your doc think of the therapeutic value of benzos? Does he think there is none for you because they are addictive and you are susceptible to addiction?When I came to the psych clinic I am now, I was sent there from an addiction treatment center because they couldn't help me ("this boy isn't a regular addict, he's got other issues"). I was addicted to benzos then and used very much, like a street drug. Don't do that anymore, but it hasn't been long. He does understand why I use them, but I agree with him, it wouldn't be wise to prescribe them, I can handle them now, take as prescribed... I'm not sure, I have a little stash of sedatives hidden in my room, I don't dare to throw them away, just the thought of not having any tranqs scares me, I also always carry a few sedatives and one hypnotic in my wallet *just in case* which I have only needed once. I can't do without them now, maybe later. I don't abuse them anymore.

If he prescribes some lorazepam or valium, and say you can take a maximum of three tablets in one week, I could do that pretty well and it'd go better. It's just hard to convince him, and since I've abused benzos in the past he is very cautious.

Are you in any type of psychotherapy? It can be really helpful in addition to the meds. I've had the best results from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You might want to ask your pdoc about trying that to help quell the negative thoughts so you don't have to rely on the benzos. Yes I have just started psychomotoric therapy, because my hands have tremor, shaking, just my hands, not sure how to explain it in English, but it is because of too high muscle tension because of chronic stress, they said. It's once a week and I have a good feeling about it.

if you find that the benzos help your symptoms of racing mind for example, how exactly are you addicted?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I empathize with you.  I too, am addicted to benzos, klonopin that is.  I am supposed to take 3-1mg tabs a day.  I have been known to take up to six a day.  My current pdoc has suggested my going off them (she isn't aware that I abuse them).

My exact words, tongue in cheek were"If you take away my Klonopin, someone will die".  She knew I didn't mean I was going to go out and axe somebody, but she knew I wasn't willing to negotiate this deal.  I have been on benzos for almost 5 years.

I have a high tolerarance to drugs.  I once took 40, 7.5mg extra strength  oxycodone pills - not oxycontin, in two days.  I almost poisoned mysef to the point of dying.  I was so sick for a week, couldn't keep anything down.  I will not take them now, even though they greatly relieved the pain from my herniated disc.  They are accessible to me but I know now I can't trust myself to be alone with them.

The reason I over medicate myself is twofold.  One, my panic attacks become so severe, if I don't take more than prescribed, I can't come out of the panic attack.  The other reason is to stop all the noise and rapid thought cycling that goes on.  I'm really beginning to question some of my dx's.  I guess I need to discuss this with my therapist, cuz it's just getting worse.  Sometimes I feel like there is a cat in my brain, trying to scratch it's way out.

Sorry I didn't mean to rant or to try and take over your post, just wanted to share my thoughts.

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...