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Which would you rather have


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Would you rather have :

1. A significant other that loves you more then you love them

2. You love them more then they love you.

Naturally we would want equal, but if you can't which is better? Think about the second one as there is a lot more then meets the eye with it. You having passion,etc that is satisfying to yourself vs not having that as much.

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Would you rather have :

1. A significant other that loves you more then you love them

2. You love them more then they love you.

Naturally we would want equal, but if you can't which is better? Think about the second one as there is a lot more then meets the eye with it. You having passion,etc that is satisfying to yourself vs not having that as much.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is a no-brainer for me; #1. #2 sucks. IMO and experience. But then I have those pesky abandonment issues...

S9

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Well what kind of distance are we talking about here? My inclination would be to say #1, but there's a lot of ground that could be covered....

For example:

It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who is in love with you when you only like them...that can lead to problems. Or something. I don't know...it just depends.

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I've had both.  And to be honest, they both sucked.  Having #1 in my case meant that I could always get what I wanted, that I could walk over the person and take advantage of them (which I did).  No matter how much I tried, I never could love him as much as he loved me.  Being in the second situation sucks because, well, you can be taken advantage of, there are no guarantees that you have a solid relationship, etc.

I honestly rather not know who loves who more.

Jade

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Danica is right. It depends on the distance between the two.

I've had way too much #2. It's the story of my life. #2 does NOT go well with anxiety and depression!

But I sort of had a #1 once, too. But I didn't really like her enough for it to grow into something more. Besides I thought that she really didn't know what she was doing or what she really wanted - besides a warm body. I actually broke it off. Very strange for me.

I suspect that for me, it would have to be very close to equal with shadings toward #2. Even then, I wonder if I might not start to find reasons to think it wasn't right. I've never had a chance to get to that point, but I just somehow feel it inside.

Maybe that should be an additional question.

Do you think you could have a good relationship and still talk yourself out of it? If so, why?

Steve

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I've had both.  And to be honest, they both sucked.  Having #1 in my case meant that I could always get what I wanted, that I could walk over the person and take advantage of them (which I did).  No matter how much I tried, I never could love him as much as he loved me.  Being in the second situation sucks because, well, you can be taken advantage of, there are no guarantees that you have a solid relationship, etc.

I honestly rather not know who loves who more.

Jade

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey, gf! My answer was off the cuff, I've been in both situations too. Probably we all have. They do both suck, but of the 2 scenarios, I'd rather be the one to walk. Especially after Jackson. Honestly, he was harder to let go of than Bradley. I guess cuz Bradley died, no choice. But with Jackson their was no choice, I just perceived for a whole year that I had a choice.

<shrug>

/threadjack

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#2, the joy of love is loving someone unconditionally anyway. At least in that situation you have given your all and if the person leaves there is nothing more that you could've offered.

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Definately #2 without question. 

If they love me too much it makes my skin crawl.  If they love me like that I will walk all over them.  I can not have any precieved control in a relationship. I can not stand to be needed by another.  All I can see is weakness and I will eat them alive. It makes me feel evil and cold. 

But if you love me just enough but don't need me, I will love you forever with complete devotion.  I will lay down my life for you.  I will give you everything, unconditionally.

There are times when I see #2 as being better than equal. IRL I have what I am happiest with.  My husband loves me, but doesn't need me.  I love him deeply and need him.  I know he could walk away and survive.  I know I can't.  This is the way I need to be.  It fullfills everything. 

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I know this is frivolous on a sort of serious topic, but...

Can you imagine at the start of a relationship, raising your hand and saying "I need to have #1" or "I need to do #2 in our relationship." Or asking your partner if THEY need to do #1 or #2 ?

;)

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