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back in may 2001 (nearly 5yrs ago) the US  navy visited where i live in Australia. I was on the train going home and saw this super sexy guy, i was with my friend so we decided to have some fun and started to flirt with this guy. by the end of the hour long train ride we had organised a double dat for that night.

my friend and i , met his friend and him out that night and i end up spending the night with him. so it could of been like a one night stand (thanks hypomania for that) but we stayed friends emailing each other every day for the next three years or so of him being in the navy. we went through heaps together even though we were not "together".

once he left the navy he went to university and worked in his home town and went quite on me the emails slowed down and we didnt speak on the phone anymore. i was a slightly hurt but was ok about this.

now just yesterday i check my emails and there is one from him and he sent me his new contact deals. we talked on the phone for a while and are going to speak to each other again today.

i just really like this guy though, thats my problem, i want him i miss him. i miss the friendship i had with him and more then anything i want to go visit him. but that would mean flying from Australia all the way to the east coast of the USA.

i want to stop this desire but at the same time i dont. what do u guys make of this situation?

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Hi Iona,

my internet has been down for the last three days.

I'm probably not much of one to play Dear Abby (an advice columnist in the US), but flying off half way round the world for a date isn't very practical.  Your family and all your life is in Oz.

And not to run your friend down, but don't forget the old saying about sailors having a girl in every port.  ;)

You've had a long an interesting email friend in him for several years, one that he has recently renewed. Turning an email pal into real life relationship can be challenging.

Good luck,

a.m.

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I would say to keep on doing what you're doing, emailing and phoning, and see where that leads you, if he only just emailed you his new contact details it's a bit much to have suddenly progressed to flying across the world,  ;)   though I am in an internet flirtation (with a real life friend) so I know how seductive it all can be. If it's meant to be then it will be  :)

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iona,

sorry if replies are slow in comming.

i think talking to him online or on the phone sounds fine (watch the long distance bill ;) )

the only think i feel like i should "warn" you about is to remember that in just a few years a person can change a lot, and that memories of people can make them seem sometimes more perfect than they really are.

just take it slow. 

and, excuse the silliness of me doing this.  i obviously do not know all of the background between the two of you, but there have been times (esp. when feeling lonley and down) when i have made men into more in my mind than they really are. 

i'm not really a fiona apple fan, but her song "paper bag" really hit home about how i (and some of my friends) have turned men into more than they really are because we want them to be what we need.  does that make sense? 

i'm not saying you are doing this, just saying watch out for it...

anyway... here are the lyrics.

FIONA APPLE

"Paper Bag"

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star

To pray on, or wish on, or something like that

I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy

Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope

And I believed for a moment that my chances

Were approaching to be grabbed

But as it came down near, so did a weary tear

I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb

Looking for a little hope

Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,

And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified

Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said

'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'

But he didn't get it I thought he was a man

But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

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Oh the e-mails and phone calls from the military man! They really do get to be Mr. Perfect over the phone and computer. I met mine through a dear friend and had a whirlwind long-distance romance while he was overseas for a year. Then I married him two days after he returned. Then we fought for six months straight. You don't really know someone until you've spent sufficiant time in their presence. But who's to say what's gonna happen or how it's gonna work out. I got lucky. We've been married for almost seven years now and have a great kid.

As for him pulling away for awhile. I think that's to be expected after so much time has passed and ya'll haven't seen each other. Men have a much harder time with the long distance thing, I think. But for whatever reason, he's interested again. I say go with it. See what happens. But before taking an 18 hour flight to see him, I'd ask him flat out "I like you alot, but I would like to know what you expect out of this relationship, or where you see it going"

If he just wants to replay the one night ya'll had and isn't interested in really trying to have a relationship with you, I wouldn't fly out to see him. I'd move on. Keep him as an email buddy. But if he's interested in something more, then you have something to go on. Yes, you might get rejected by just flat out asking him. But if you are, so what you're halfway round the world from him. And the men in Australia are gorgeous themselves. Plenty more fish in the sea.

So this is my long-winded way of telling you to ask him point blank what he wants. Then go from there. The end.

Croix

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