Nightmares

[dancesintherain]

How for the everliving love of Christ do I stop nightmares?  Is there even a way?  Some have an obvious root in real life (experiencing the drug raid again, being a kid at a doctors office, screaming and yelling with my parents, struggling at a trial) and some don't (getting kidnapped, getting raped, etc.).

WTF is causing these to come up and how the fuck do I make it go away?  I slept more than enough hours last night, but because of one (drug raid, guns at my head), I was so tired that I had to take an uber to work in order to not fall asleep at the wheel for the 15 minute drive to the metro.  And now I'm barely functional at work.'

enough emotional vomit.  Help please.

[Hopelessly Broken]

As far as I know (and I have this horrific problem severely, also) the only ways are the med Prazosin (short or long term) whilst doing trauma specific therapy. 

[OliverB]

I have noticed certain factors makes me dream more, and more dreams means more nightmares for me.

I guess it would depend on each person, for me sleeping while I am extra tired or at the afternoon means more dreams, so more nightmares, while sleeping just 6-7 hours straight and don't go back to sleep if I am still tired or wake up earlier means less dreams so less nightmares.

This is the only way I know to 'stop' them.

Yeah, of course doing this can make you sleepy sometimes, specially if I wake up at 4am and don't go back to sleep to avoid nightmares, coffee is my friend, coffee is the key.

Edited October 6, 2016 by Bixo

[dancesintherain]

Thanks Hopelessly Broken and Bixo.  I'm not sure that I can do prazosin because I'm already on a medication that messes with your heart (propanalol).  That said, I'd love to stop reliving the worst of life while asleep and also experiencing things I haven't even experienced.  Fortunately I e almost run out of crimes so perhaps I'll catch a break.  On the other part, I'm starting DBT next week and given the degree to which their intake involved trauma, it seems like it might help.  Who knows though.  I'm still of the "it wasn't that bad" mindset which probably doesn't help too much.

bixo, I hadn't thought about but you're right that i usually have the worst ones after I've woken up in the morning and tried to fall asleep.  Yesterday was the worst because I felt paralyzed and was unable to get out of the dream (it kept repeating itself). 

The ironic thing is that I used to not remember dreams at all.  Now I've got them going like crazy.  I haven't remembered a good one yet.

[melissaw72]

I now you said you weren't sure about the prazosin, but have you tried clonidine?  It is for PTSD nightmares.  (google "clonidine nightmares") I have tried it in general and it worked but I didn't feel well after taking it.  Same with prazosin.  If you can take it, I think it is worth a try.  But it is also a blood pressure med as well.

Any chance your pdoc would let you switch to one of these and drop the propranolol? (or take a lower dose)?

[dancesintherain]

So the propanalol is slfeady at a small dose.  It's one of the limited drug changes that are made while I was inpatient, so I'm not sure about dropping it.  It was started for migraines (which I hAdnt heard of but someone here had).  That's new enough that I don't know if it doing what it's supposed to do definitively.  

I also don't definitively have a PTSD diagnosis.  Not sure it matters because my brain seems to have decided to act as if I do.  

My psychiatrist is good at what he does, so I'll see whether he feels like I can add something or not.  My thinking is because of how fragile I feel, we would have to go carefully.  He can help me get out of this I think, though it will be hard as hell.  I'm hoping for a better understanding of what is going on.

[HAL9000]

Since I've stopped taking Ambien to sleep (And somehow am sleeping without it) I have some dreams and I remember them.  Last nights was maybe the weirdest one of all time.  For some reason this troop of Gay Men who did plays put on one that was so bad they all needed to leave town and assume new identities.  I was informed that since I was straight I would drive the (Gayhound - greyhound) bus so they could all rehearse their new roles.  So the only one I remember is saying I'm lost and finially stopping off at some town in iowa and the man was complaining that his new identity was a straight man with some studly name and he was married and had three kids and worked on a farm.  Anyhow he was in tears that this was just too much but... I stopped the bus let him off and the wife and kids were all standing with him smiling and waving goodbye and he is yelling "Get the fuck off my Farm you homos!"   Then I woke up.   Laughing.

If the Gayhound bus thing hadn't make me wake up laughing I would be seriously thinking of taking Ambien again just to not have all this "video" going on in my head at night all the time.  I really am NOT used to dreaming (Or at least remembering them)

 

Edited October 7, 2016 by HAL9000
Duplicated somehow

[dancesintherain]

It sounds like your brain got a bit nuts.  I can't imagine the first one. I don't know what caused me to all of a sudden start remembering dreams and having nightmares.  Maybe there's a drug solution I don't know.  My psychiatrist should sort through that though the paranoia might be a better starting point.  Regardless I see him soon so we will see if I'm still dreaming of every crime and criminal investigation permutation still is happening.

[HAL9000]

Some of the dreams I have are just scary.  One was this hooded guy working on my car.  I asked him who he was and all I could see were these scary red glow in the dark eyes.  He tells me, "You know my name...  Look up the number"   Which I assume is 666.  Either that or its from that weird Beatles song of the same name.  But why Ringo Starr or Satan are working on my car?  It totally makes no sense.

 

8 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

It sounds like your brain got a bit nuts.  I can't imagine the first one. I don't know what caused me to all of a sudden start remembering dreams and having nightmares.  Maybe there's a drug solution I don't know.  My psychiatrist should sort through that though the paranoia might be a better starting point.  Regardless I see him soon so we will see if I'm still dreaming of every crime and criminal investigation permutation still is happening.

I have to add my brain is always a bit nuts.  Either that or all this therapy and meds are being wasted.

[dancesintherain]

I hear you on the brain always being a bit nuts.  I'd like to think that changing styles of therapy will help me get out of this situation.

[Wooster]

Some of the things that have been vaguely to very helpful for coping with nightmares if not helping reduce them have included:
-very limited media consumption, mostly limited to innocuous kids programming or nature shows
-getting a LOT of physical exercise during the day that gets my heart rate up
-sleeping with a big stick (think baseball bat) under the bed close to me
-having sleepy mammals in the room with me
-body-sized pillow to get wrapped up in/help create alternate sensations in my body
-oddly enough, cold pack on the back of my neck; also good for helping get back to sleep after bad dreams
-background noise from a white noise machine or youtube videos of relaxing meditation music or really really boring audio book
-and corny as it is, remembering my mom told me when I was young that a) if you have a bad dream you just have to turn the tv in your mind to a different channel, and b) the good dreams are always on the other side of the pillow so if you have a bad dream you just have to flip your pillow over to find the good ones

oh yeah, and could be totally spurious correlation, but lavender oil on my pillow

[dancesintherain]

horrible car crash that killed my dad. 

creative, brain.  creative. 

 

and thanks woo for all the suggestions.  I wish there was a "push reset and don't dream again" button.  Because It's only 11pm and I'm going to have to fall back asleep.

Edited October 7, 2016 by dancesintherain

[HAL9000]

4 hours ago, Wooster said:

Some of the things that have been vaguely to very helpful for coping with nightmares if not helping reduce them have included:
-very limited media consumption, mostly limited to innocuous kids programming or nature shows
-getting a LOT of physical exercise during the day that gets my heart rate up
-sleeping with a big stick (think baseball bat) under the bed close to me
-having sleepy mammals in the room with me
-body-sized pillow to get wrapped up in/help create alternate sensations in my body
-oddly enough, cold pack on the back of my neck; also good for helping get back to sleep after bad dreams
-background noise from a white noise machine or youtube videos of relaxing meditation music or really really boring audio book
-and corny as it is, remembering my mom told me when I was young that a) if you have a bad dream you just have to turn the tv in your mind to a different channel, and b) the good dreams are always on the other side of the pillow so if you have a bad dream you just have to flip your pillow over to find the good ones

oh yeah, and could be totally spurious correlation, but lavender oil on my pillow

These are very great ones.  I'm going to add a few of these to my plan.

[dancesintherain]

Yes, agreed with Hal and meant to say it last night but ran out of steam. 

I wish I had a sleepy mammal in the room with me (either two-legged or four-legged).  for now, i'll have to adapt.  perhaps the weighted blanket needs to revisit my bed, though i could also see that triggering an "I'm trapped and can't get out" feeling and I don't want to think of the dream topic that would bring.

Last night was drug raid again.  I'm wondering if that keeps coming up because it's the easiest and most obvious one I've had so far.

[melissaw72]

19 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

So the propanalol is slfeady at a small dose.  It's one of the limited drug changes that are made while I was inpatient, so I'm not sure about dropping it.  It was started for migraines (which I hAdnt heard of but someone here had).  That's new enough that I don't know if it doing what it's supposed to do definitively.  

I also don't definitively have a PTSD diagnosis.  Not sure it matters because my brain seems to have decided to act as if I do.  

My psychiatrist is good at what he does, so I'll see whether he feels like I can add something or not.  My thinking is because of how fragile I feel, we would have to go carefully.  He can help me get out of this I think, though it will be hard as hell.  I'm hoping for a better understanding of what is going on.

What I meant that to be was that they are for PTSD nightmares, BUT could help for any nightmares, not just PTSD.  I don't think there is a med for nightmares out there for only people who have PTSD, vs a nightmare med out there for people who do not have PTSD.  If I am wrong please correct me.  I just had never heard of a nightmare med specifically for PTSD that wouldn't help the others without PTSD.

I know you don't have a PTSD diagnosis, but the med might be able to help anyway with nightmares.  I'm sorry I misinterpreted what you were saying.

 

 

 

[dancesintherain]

No need to apologize.  If I'm being honest, an actual PTSD makes sense.  I was just pointing out I dont have it yet.  However if I go down the checklist, I meet most of the criteria right now--at least with respect to the hospitalizations and thoughts afterward and with respite to the drug raid.  Possibly also with respect to a sexually inappropriate pediatician.

will leave that up to stop censoring my thoughts.  Scared to though.

[dancesintherain]

Thanks all for all the suggestions.  I'll see what helps beyond a music thing.

[dancesintherain]

I can't figure out why people won't just give up on me.  I'll push my way through this and I'll apparently I'll push a ton of people away to do so.  I just don't want it to feel like this anymore.  I don't want to be jumpy and reading too much into things and paranoid and convinced that I'm never going to wake up.

 

i draw the line at hospitalization.  Even if that means weekly meeting s with my psychiatrist in addition to DBT.  It's going to be really hard continuing to push through on work.  I keep getting distracted by everything.  Even if that's normal, I don't want it to be my normal.  I used to be able to read just fine.  Fuck bipolar and trauma.  I wish I remembered what made my weekends go downhill while I was in PHP...I might have to read some blog posts (even though they are long, can we say mixed state) from that time period.  Whatever it is, I need to try to fight it. My brain needs the recovery time, because if I constitently feel the way I do at work it will suck.  It was an extremely good grounding thing while I was inpatient.  

Another long comment.  I'm starting to think I know why I'm missing memories from most of my life.  My first psychiatrist said "you may have had a great life (according to my parents report), you just won't there for it."

[aquarian]

My brain has so far yet to run out of new material after years of bad dreams/nightmares most nights.

One thing that tends to make them worse is if I eat too close to bedtime.

[dancesintherain]

aquarian that sounds awful.  i haven't found any rhyme or reason to when they come for me.  i might try tracking it.

[aquarian]

They're graphic, horrible nightmares but other than perhaps contributing to my daytime tiredness because I don't always awake feeling very rested, they don't usually bother me too much during waking hours (lucky me I guess). They mostly fade away in my memory as I begin my day.

I hope you're able to sleep more peacefully soon.

[dancesintherain]

Thanks Aquarian.  Me too.  I'd never remembered dreams.  I want to go back to not remembering them.  At least I know it's just a trick my brain is playing on me because sometimes they seem real.

right now it's 3:30 and I'm wired awake.  It's never good when you are awake with people from extremely different time zones.  Though I guess that's also part of the beauty of CB.

[dancesintherain]

I will say first that I haven't followed much of the non-medical advice thus far (boo to me) and I haven't met with my psychiatrist so no room for the biochemical side of things.

That said, fuck my brain.  It has this remarkable way of driving me crazy when I'm supposed to be sleeping.  I fell asleep maybe 30 minutes ago and next thing you know it i'm dreaming about the ffamiliy meeting we had in the hospital and i'm being told it's not good enough and i can't leave.

so trapped, scared, overwhelmed, and frustrated all at once.  very creative mr brain dude.

[dancesintherain]

going to try ice pack to see if it helps with both nightmare and headache that wanted to come aong for the fun of it.

I hate my life sometimes. Frequently recently. 

But to be clear in case there are those who doubt, I'm perfectly safe.

[melissaw72]

3 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

going to try ice pack to see if it helps with both nightmare and headache that wanted to come aong for the fun of it.

I hope the ice packs help ... they definitely help me with headaches.  And I hope you fall asleep soon. 

One bit of advice ... when I fall asleep with an ice pack on, and then when I wake up, my head usually hurts a ton because the ice pack thaws out and get warm.  And warmth + headache = hell.  Warmth makes my headaches a lot worse.  But YMMV with that.

I hope you can get back to sleep soon!

[dancesintherain]

The  nightmare still came anyway (three in one night! I'm setting a new record for me since I never remembered one).  It may have done some headache prevention because I woke up wihtout one for the first time in forever.  Who knows though. 

I may hit up bath and body works to see if they have that nighttme pillow spritz thting.  Watch me be allergic to it, but I won't know until I try.

[dancesintherain]

thanks everyone for all the suggestions.  for the more meds/therapy piece, i've got an appointment with the dbt person tomorrow early evening and my psychiatrist in the morning (and these nightmares are on my list because they get bad enough that i can't be rested in the morning).  for some of the other ideas...i got a combination lavendar/chamamile spray for my pillow.  we'll see if it conjures up happy thoughts.  otherwise, i'm getting ready to burn sage throughout my home and exorcise some demons.

[WinterRosie]

So, for me, if one thing goes out of whack (if I get scared again, or traumatized again, or a traumaversary comes up, for example) then all of the nightmares past/present/future come flying in at once. There is never much that holds them at bay.  I wonder if something similar happened for you - one thing caused the floodgates to open for all.

[dancesintherain]

Interesting.  I can't remember the order in which things were triggered, but it was a one growing on top of another sort of thing.  Next thing instead of having no dreams, i'm having awful ones.  and hten they escalate and escalate.  i mean, there are only so many more crimes that can happen to me while i'm asleep.  i guess i shouldn't say that because there's always something worse.  i'm just going off the what i've actually been through not being as bad thing.

[melissaw72]

11 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

thanks everyone for all the suggestions.  for the more meds/therapy piece, i've got an appointment with the dbt person tomorrow early evening and my psychiatrist in the morning (and these nightmares are on my list because they get bad enough that i can't be rested in the morning).  for some of the other ideas...i got a combination lavendar/chamamile spray for my pillow.  we'll see if it conjures up happy thoughts.  otherwise, i'm getting ready to burn sage throughout my home and exorcise some demons.

How did the lavender spray work?  Lavender makes me a little relaxed.

Good luck with your psoc and with your DBT person tonight!

[dancesintherain]

Last night it unfortunately didn't seem to do anything, but I'm not giving up.  My brain will eventually cooperate.

[dancesintherain]

I'll keep spraying and increase the list of changes because medication for now isn't in the picture.  Though risperdal has helped with sleep before.  So maybe it'll do some good accidentally (or maybe that was part of the reasoning...I'll have to ask next Thursday).

[dancesintherain]

For now, it's hard trusting that they will go away.  It's like all the things I try to shove to the back of my memory while I'm awake decide to spring up when I'm asleep.  I know there aren't easy answers for any of this...so maybe I'll tell myself the fact that risperdal helps with sleep is part of the reason it was added.  That and my brain could use some gluing back together because it's pretty fragmented right now.

 

thanks all.  I'll try to stop spamming the boards but I trust that you'll get it.  I'm sorry if I'm not really replying...it can lead me to overidentifyint which is never a good thing.

[WinterRosie]

Maybe it's placebos, but I find that dreamcatchers help?

[dancesintherain]

Honestly I'll take placebo effect at this point.  That said it's been a while since I've had one.  Etsy?

[dancesintherain]

Perhaps it falls into the impulsive and too suggestive category, but a very nice etsy shop owner just got my business.  Unbelievably reasonably priced and my favorite colors to boot.  If I'm going to try to catch these things without drugs, I may as well use a pretty object with my favorite colors.

[dancesintherain]

two nights in a row I've been nightmare-free and yet I'm still terrified to go to sleep because I don't know what my brain will do while I'm sleeping. 

I will go to sleep...no later than 10pm...because I have to get a full night's sleep. 

But definitely open to any ideas from people who are scared to sleep because of said nightmares.

[Hopelessly Broken]

Do you take anti anxiety meds? (can't see your signature because I use a phone) I have heard of people using a PRN or nightly benzo to help them to be relaxed/less worried about sleeping, so was wondering if you do take anti anxiety meds, if you could perhaps ask your psychiatrist if its OK to use a dose before sleep? 

I have learnt to just put up with my nightly, multiple nightmares because what other choice do I have? Besides, I am usually almost dead by sleep time. 

Or, you could try relaxation meditation (or mindfulness meditation) or some other type of audio aid to do the same.

[dancesintherain]

I do take klonopin as part of my nightly cocktail, so that should be doing some good.

Jusy accepting might do some good.

O try to use mindfulness when I can but should be more consistent.

[Hopelessly Broken]

Typical sleep hygiene type activities to make you sleepy/ready for sleep and bed may also be a tool worth attempting. 

[melissaw72]

9 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

two nights in a row I've been nightmare-free and yet I'm still terrified to go to sleep

I'm sorry you are still terrified to go to sleep, but am so glad you have been nightmare-free for 2 nights in a row!  Maybe the more you have nightmare-free nights, you won't be as terrified?  And then I would hope that the fear would get less and less over time.  In the present though, I know the waiting can be anxiety-provoking, at least for me it can.

 

FWIW, sometimes taking meds (anti-anxiety meds or other meds for sleep ) before sleep can make things worse.  I know they help some people sleep really well, but just saying from my POV, personally, they make things worse for me.  I do take 0.5 mg klonopin 2x/day, but that is a steady med taken every day, and isn't taken specifically for sleep (for me), so it doesn't have an effect on me one way or another.

I hope you had a nightmare-free night last night!

 

[dancesintherain]

three nights in a row!

I'm either not having them or not remembering them.  To be perfectly honest, I could care less which one it is.

[dancesintherain]

should have tossed on that I had a weird as fuck dream, but it wasn't terrifying, so i'll just put it into the weird dream category.

i'm almost wishing to increase the risperdal.  it glues my brain together.

[melissaw72]

3 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

three nights in a row!

I'm either not having them or not remembering them.  To be perfectly honest, I could care less which one it is.

I'm happy for you!

[dancesintherain]

Thanks.  And thanks more generally for all the support you've been providing as I navigate this mental health world.

[melissaw72]

5 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

Thanks.  And thanks more generally for all the support you've been providing as I navigate this mental health world.

You're welcome   I'm glad I can be supportive ... the mental health world is just ... a whole other world people with MI have to navigate, in addition to keeping up with people and everything else IRL.  It is really hard!

[dancesintherain]

for the love of christ, why won't they stay away.

i understand the suggestion about sleep meds, but there's absolutely no way I'd fall asleep without drugs. i've tried it before and it didn't work.  so keeping somehting at sleep is necessary.

I just don't get why the change wasn't sufficient. 

[melissaw72]

11 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

for the love of christ, why won't they stay away.

i understand the suggestion about sleep meds, but there's absolutely no way I'd fall asleep without drugs. i've tried it before and it didn't work.  so keeping somehting at sleep is necessary.

I just don't get why the change wasn't sufficient. 

Did pdoc take away your night meds or lower the dose?  If so, why?

[dancesintherain]

No my psychiatrist increased them.  We added a small dose of risperdal and moved the klonopin to the evening and when I was groggy we doubled the risperdal and reduced the zyprexa (which has not reliably made me sleep).

i was just responding to the question about sleep meds causing problems.