Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck.
Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.)
Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission.
OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder.
I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process.
I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness..
I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it.
I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.”
I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds
I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago.
Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
as you might know, i'm doing EMDR right now. if you do any reading about EMDR, the first thing that usually comes up is how effective it is for trauma particularly, but also for depression, anxiety, etc. i do not have or suspect a PTSD diagnosis and do not suffer with the effects of trauma. i'm actually doing EMDR for personality disorder (OCPD) treatment.
we only just started, but i have really high hopes based on how the first real session went. we focused on my belief that i cause people to leave me by not being good enough, even the cases of people moving for work/school or my dad's heart attack. this belief had been causing me a good deal of trouble recently, because a very good friend of mine just moved to another province with her boyfriend. at the end of the session, i had a crystal clear thought -- it's not my fault she left, and my actions wouldn't have made her stay. i feel far more at peace with her moving now, and no longer feel personally afflicted by it, aside from the usual feelings of missing our usual meetups. so, it might just be placebo so far, but i'm feeling encouraged that this might help untangle my other really deep-seated negative beliefs.
has anyone else tried EMDR for non-trauma reasons? or, would you consider it?
I know that EMDR is typically used to treat PTSD but if you read the fine print at https://www.emdria.org/page/emdr_therapy (grr, proper hyperlinking is broken with "There was a problem loading this content.") , it's applicable for "... Panic Attacks, Dissociative Disorders, Phobias, Pain Disorders, Performance Anxiety, Stress Reduction...". And I have most of those and more. Not to mention that PTSD is probably 99% comorbid with depression.
Anyway, has anyone tried EMDR for depression and/or OCD? How about those with depression who don't have "hallmark" PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, vivid nightmares etc.) ? I'm a Treatment Resistant Depression & OCD & Chronic Pain "lifer" who's tried pretty much everything (e.g. hypnotherapy, ECT, MAOI's, Ketamine...) and am basically scraping the barrel, kind of pretend-hoping that there's a treatment that will actually make a dent in my daily suffering.
FTR I don't have the "hallmark" symptoms of PTSD but my depression and OCD stem from a traumatic period 23 years ago (got dumped, got severely depressed, was literally terrified I was going to kill myself) that has destroyed every day of my life since. The only things that have helped me somewhat to date are MAOI's with stimulants and ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention therapy https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/).
Any tips/accounts/info would be warmly appreciated.
P.S. nuts, I just noticed there's a "Therapy - The Other Half of the Puzzle" forum. I guess the Mods can move this there if they so wish.
Deleted and closed due to lack of response.