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aura

what is going on?

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For the past two weeks I've had periods of time where my thinking is totally messed up. It's painful to be awake; all I want is to be unconscious. Sometimes I feel like there's an entity putting self-harm thoughts in my head. The other day I planned a suicide attempt, but felt better by the end of the day and didn't follow through on it. Then I have periods where I feel fairly normal and my judgement is good.

Is this a kind of rapid cycling? Random symptoms?

I'd say it's nothing to worry about because the symptoms are transient, but the suicidal ideation was very significant. I've had to enlist my fiancee's help in staying safe.

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Honestly, I don't know what is going on, but do agree whatever it is, is significant.  The only thing I can think of, is does your pdoc and/or tdoc know about it?  And if so, what do they think?

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i'm glad you enlisted your fiance's help.  That can be hard to do.  Does she know the basics for what's going on?

Does it feel anything like a normal episode or does it feel different? 

I'm not any good at spotting mood episode until they slam m in the face, so I'm afraid I'm no good at figuring out what's going on.

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Do you have a history of rapid cycling or mixed states.  Honestly,  to me a mixed state is pretty indistinguishable from rapid cycling, which is, actually, as far as I know, more rare.

That said, who cares the label?  I mean,  if you feel that bad, and had SI that required a minder, please call your Pdoc and explain your sx. I have found that mixed/rapid cycling to be the most dangerous of states.  Not only am I suicidal and wack, I have the energy to do it. 
Anna

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Usually when I feel like that it means my depression is becoming more severe. It also does sound like the intense "I have to die right now" feeling I get when I am mixed, but usually I will also have racing thoughts, energy, pacing etc. if I am mixed. I hope you can get some help and feel better.

Edited by mcjimjam

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