Is this a sign of mania?

[Justkeepswimming]

Please no judging... So for two years I have had extreme anxiety and depression. To the point where I couldn't leave my room much of the time. My boyfriend was extremely helpful, he is amazing and wonderful, to the point where he doesn't deserve someone like me. This past year I have been trying so hard to love him, I do love him but I'm not really in love with him. I want to be with him so this feeling would get my anxiety and obsessive thoughts going non stop. We just don't have that connection I feel a couple should have. He is very stimulating when it comes to anxiety and it had pushed me away a little. Recently my doctor put me on Rexulti. I started feeling better instantly. The feelings for my bf just fade more  when I thought they would get better. For 2 years I thought it was my anxiety and depression pushing me away, maybe not... recently I ended up kissing a guy friend. I freaked out and told my bf I needed some space and a few days to think so I went and stayed at a friends house. I realize I made a mistake but I still don't know if I went back home because I felt bad for my bf who was very sad or if it is because I missed him. He thinks my rexulti is causing all of this and now I'm paranoid that it could be drug induced mania. But the thing is before the rexulti I had lost interest in him. Could it be that I'm feeling better and seeing more clearly, or that my meds are effecting me badly?? Please no harsh comments. Feeling lost . P.s. I am not diagnosed bi polar

Edited October 25, 2016 by Justkeepswimming

[melissaw72]

Hi, welcome to CB

No worries about judging ... we don't judge here

I'm sorry for what you are going through.  Have you tried couple's therapy?  Have you talked to your bf about how you feel about being with him (easier said than done though, but I still think it would be a good idea)?  It would suck if you both grew to resent each other and things ended that way.  Hopefully if you both go your own ways, it will be on a positive note, and just stay friends rather than a couple (meaning it wouldn't be too uncomfortable if you both bumped into each other randomly.

I'm sorry that is all the advice I have that I can think of at the moment.

[HumorousCrusty]

My aaps make me not care about sex and when I kiss my girlfriend I don't really get anything out of it, I just kinda do it because that's what couples do and she seems to like it... My aaps completely changed me as a person and drove me away from a lot of friends, so it is not out of the question that rexulti could be making you feel less connected to your boyfriend.