notloki Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) This has has been building for a while. I don't like some of the behaviors of my best friend. I have addressed it openly but quickly realized these are ingrained habits. Habits like being a mooch. He is always in the bathroom when the check comes.He always offers to pay us back, but not now, of course, We take trips out of town and he never offers to split gas money. I learned to have him book the hotel so it goes on his card.I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Then there is showing up. I understand "Lets do something this weekend" is not a solid invitation. But this friend invited himself over to my house to watch the last debate. He offered to bring some snacks,I offered to provide drinks. I consider this a solid invitation. I e-mailed him 2 days before basically saying I was getting excited about the event. I texted the same day of the debates reminding him of our plans. No show, he stood me up. Damn I spent several hours picking up and cleaning up the house. This issue has been brought up before because it is quite common. My long term plan was to stop this guy, slowly seeing him less and less. I had started doing this, but he invited himself to the debates. I woke up the next day and I could not get this out of my mind. It did not help that my blind date stood me up too that weekend. I have a general rule that I don't send bad e-mails or negative ones, these things are best done in person. I violated it that morning. I made it clear the issue was standing me up repeatedly, we had discussed it before.I ended our friendship. We were friends in college,it had been that long. Damn. Edited October 30, 2016 by notloki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 It's tough to end friendships. You have my sympathy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think that, given the issue was standing you up, it makes sense to have sent the email you did. Had you gone to talk with him about it in person, the conversation may never happen as the behavior in question is not showing up when he says he will. It seems like you tried some good behavioral shaping strategies (ie getting him to make reservations that require credit cards). And it's good you've got a boundary about where your limit is, and that you've stuck with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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