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Running Away

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This last week has been treacherous, ending in my usual response to a reoccuring struggle. I spend all week depressed as hell, not even wanting to distract myself, just laying there, feeling sick and crying, to the point where I am sure everyone would be better of without me and me without them. I got drunk Saturday night and got mad and at two am woke up and started packing up everything I imagined I would take, clothes, toiletries, then I took all the curtains down and packed them away, all my cd's and books, took all the pictures off the wall and called a storage facility at four in the morning and a friend to wake him up and ask for assistance in moving out.

Every time I get closer and closer to actually doing it, escaping, but the bottom line is, I have no where to go where I won't be there. I always imagine that I will become a happy stable person once I leave, but I know deep down it's not true and by the time the truck get here to load up, I'm in tears on the couch, crying I can't go.

What the hell? Sometimes I wish someone would commit me to an institution. Then I wouldn't need all this stuff.

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OK. Back up the truck. Unpack. Regroup.

You don't say if you are seeing a p-doc for your problem of anxiety. You also don't say why you want to leave, and you are now reaching out, this is good. I see by the first time post.

If you don't have a p-doc and are not on medication, this can help a great deal in feeling that there is hope. And there is always hope.

If "he" isn't good for your life? Then perhaps you could move in with a friend for awhile until you work things out. Do you have kids? Are you married to him? Have you been in this relationship a long time? Does he hurt you physically?

Getting drunk is fine for the moment, but it ultimately doesn't solve anything, it usually makes things worse. And the hang overs, whew!

I am a person with GAD, I used to be a heavy drinker but I stopped, I am on meds, and I love my husband. My life is not perfect, but through using tools I have learned over the years from my p-doc, I am learning to relive my life.

There is hope.


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