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Duelist

my mom died last week

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I feel so sad, my heart feels broken. I miss her so much. There's so much hate and evil in this world right now, having my mother taken from me by fucking lung cancer is so very painful. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. I'm not, but I am barely functioning. I am lucky, I have my son and his dad here, they understand and have been supportive, but still, this horrible pain. I just had to get it out again. 

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I lost my mom last year, after a very brief illness. I understand your pain, yes it hurts a lot. I'm glad you have support, it's so important.

<illegal cyberhug>

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Thank you Rabbit, I really do appreciate the illegal cyberhug. And your understanding means a great deal too. Thank you.

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I am very sorry. As I mentioned in your blog, I lost my mom to cancer in 2011. It still hurts, but it is better. I personally don't think there is anything worse than the sickness and death of a loved one. Everything else can be overcome somehow, but there is no bringing back a loved one who has died.

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Hi Duelist, I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my mother a few years ago so I understand how hard it can be getting through each day but you can. When I knew she was gone it felt like I stopped breathing and when a year had passed I finally exhaled. That doesn't mean it will take a year for you to feel better, it takes as long as it takes for everyone but I know that one day you won't wake with a pain where your heart is.....my favourite mantra.....this too shall pass, and it will.

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I'm so sorry, Duelist. I lost my father to lung cancer 11 years ago and it still hurts. It just doesn't hurt as much as it used to. The first few weeks were awful for me and gradually the pain lessened. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and in time you will feel better than you do now.

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I'm sorry, Duelist. My father died very suddenly in 2013 and it still hurts, still confuses me. Do what you need to do to cope.

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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. I've been crying a lot and it's hard to stay focused on some things. But I am managing.

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Hey Duelist, 
I can not begin to imagine the kind of grief that you're going through. I just hope that you can find support, and be kind to yourself.

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Thank you cipher, I am doing better, taking it day by day, moment by moment. I am lucky I have my son and his dad to help & support me right now. 

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Hey, my friend. I've been away awhile, and I just saw this, I'm sorry. 

I was wrecked for quite a long time after my mom died. I won't say I understand what you're going through, because obviously our experiences were different, but I remember how hard that time was for me. If I can do anything to help you, even if you just need someone to listen, I gladly will. 

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Thank you both, it's been a month now, and I still cry, but not every day. I have hope that things will get easier with time. Not that it will heal the gaping hole in my heart, but that I will learn to live with it and it won't be so raw. Thank you for caring, it means a lot to me. 

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I am sorry for your loss. My mom died this year in January from COPD. It is still very sad to me and I cry sometimes. Mostly because I miss her -- I can't call her because she's not there to call. But I am happy that she is somewhere now where she doesn't even have the necessity to breathe. Lungs? Nope don't need 'em! So that is good.

You'll see her again, too, and that will be a grand reunion. I can't wait to see my mom again. Well wait, yes, I can wait... lol

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Thank you Alien Navel Cord, my mom had COPD too, but they didn't catch the cancer until it was way too late. Like you I believe I will see her again and that she's not in pain anymore. I cry because I miss her too, I feel that about the phone calls, I miss those and it's hard when I want to tell her something and can't. Thank you for your thoughts. It's getting easier, or rather less painful on a daily basis. 

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On 11/17/2016 at 8:51 AM, Duelist said:

I feel so sad, my heart feels broken. I miss her so much. There's so much hate and evil in this world right now, having my mother taken from me by fucking lung cancer is so very painful. 

I'm so sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you and your family......I lost my mom last year to brain cancer, and it does hurt terribly.

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Thank you all so much, it's been really hard getting through the holidays, but I managed. I am feeling it hard on Saturdays, the standing lunch date she had with me and my son every weekend. It's so sad. I don't cry about it daily like I was for the first few weeks, but it is still so fresh, I can hear a song on a commercial and be brought to instant tears. Something happened two nights ago, we'd rented Tarzan, and Samuel L Jackson was having a hard time being submissive to Tarzan's Ape brother. Tarzan was in a heap on the ground and advising him on what to do to be submissive to this huge silverback 200 pound alpha male. Samuel had a line and I broke out in hysterics, it was something I was utterly unprepared for (his line) and then I laughed for like 10 minutes, so bad my gut still aches.

But anyway, as I was laughing, I thought about Mom, and how she and I would laugh like that and how I hadn't laughed like that since her passing. Then I got sad thinking about how I would never get to laugh about this joke with her. Fucking sucks. Still feel it (the pain of not being able to share with her) and then her widower is a bit of a douche. He's really hard to talk to and he's yet to give me the muumuu's I made for her and I would really like them back, maybe to make a quilt of them or maybe to just donate them to Hospice. Regardless, they should come to me, it's almost been 2 months and I want them back.

I don't know how long I need to wait before asking again about them, but it's bothering me. I also had made her a lovely hat for Mother's day that I would like back. I seriously have doubts as to if he's ever going to give them back. It feels like he's using them as carrots to keep me open to talking to him on the phone. It depresses me to talk to him on the phone, I mean I've talked to him more in the past 2 months then I had in the past two fucking years. <sigh> Sucks.

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On 11/17/2016 at 6:51 AM, Duelist said:

I feel so sad, my heart feels broken. I miss her so much. There's so much hate and evil in this world right now, having my mother taken from me by fucking lung cancer is so very painful. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. I'm not, but I am barely functioning. I am lucky, I have my son and his dad here, they understand and have been supportive, but still, this horrible pain. I just had to get it out again. 

 feel your pain and want to let you know I am very very sorry and hope your days get better as time goes on

Edited by Alien Navel Cord
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