Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I am new here.. I don't know who to talk to  because I feel like nobody can really understand how I feel. I've officially been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ADD, MDD, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia... Ugh...I also have a history of substance abuse so there are medications I need but can no longer receive. I was on klonpin 1 mg 3 times a day for 6-7 years. Once my Dr learned of substance abuse by running into the physician assistant at the methadone clinic I was straight cut off. I'm now on: 

Wellbutrin 300 mg daily for mdd and ADD

Tegretol 200 mg 3x daily for bpd

Seroquel 250 mg at night for mdd

I've been offered buspar and propanolol but after trying them and neither being any useful stopped those. I feel constantly exhausted, irritated and dissociated. I  didn't feel this bad prior to being medicated. I'm now on suboxone instead of methadone because having to leave my house daily had me in constant panic mode. 

I can't get any doctor to give me the help I really need. Getting back on klonopin and I also need a decent medication for ADD. I'm looking to add these to my current meds to see if this helps but it's pretty much impossible especially while on suboxone. And no, getting off suboxone isn't an option. I keep feeling more and more depressed every day... Anyone else having these issues?

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you abuse klonopin, specifically ? It is a shame as most ADD'er abuse drugs, often drawn to stimulants and once medicated don't abuse drugs. Usually. Some doctors will allow ADD patients who have abused drugs in  the past to take controlled meds if they are stable on their meds. Any chance of you finding one ?

Edited by notloki
Link to post
Share on other sites

I just made my account here too, I feel the same about NOBODY understanding me and I have panic attacks, I'm in methadone in the UK, I am from the states but I was sent here by family after coming out of coma from suicide, I was on suboxone too for a year or so but it didn't work well for me as I still used, I just used the subs to avoid withdrawl and be able to function and goto work... 

I have more issues than a magazine too, you can be understood here I think , I certainly do. I've been struggling with addiction to opistesnsjnce 2004! Uhg such an awful existence! My father molested me so ive used that to get money from him so my addiction was well funded, I was a WHALE buying 40 Dilaudid at s time for 600 bucks a week and I still would shoot it all up by the 4th day usually. Opiates were the only thing that made me feel happy. 

I'll talk to you anytime you want, just hit me up. I am the least judgmental person on earth and I've been am there too. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Similar Content

    • By Blahblah
      This seems most indicative of BPD, but pdocs tell me I don't meet major criteria for it. I have no previous symptoms of: SI, suicide attempts, impulsive behavior, no addictions or eating disorders, no delusions, black/wt thinking, no manias) I have held longer-term (2-5 year) romantic relationships.
      Pdocs have thrown every med at me for 2 decades. Nothing is really making a lot of improvement. I have no adequate diagnosis, because I don't (completely) meet the formal criteria for any one disorder, but traits from many. I've been previous diagnosed with: Major Depression with dysthymia (with/without psychotic features) BP2, PTSD, GAD, BPD, ADD) I surely can't have all these disorders?!
       
      Rapid-cycling emotions (erratic moods can shift every 1-3 hours, not usually just up & down)
      Chronic (moderate) depression, frequent dysphoria, some anxious distress
      Hypersensitivity to many things (including rejection)
      Chronic Emptiness
      Anhedonia (lack of motivation, pleasure in anything, not even sex)
      Perfectionism (includes obsessiveness)
      Paranoia (but not delusional, with insight)
      Hypersomnia, chronic fatigue
      Distractible
      Poor memory
      Very low stress tolerance (has triggered dissociation)
       
       
       
       
       
    • By Inanlae
      Has anyone done this successfully?  How did you deal with your anxiety--social, GAD--without your benzodiazepine?  I've been taking it as prescribed since 2003.  I am addicted.
    • By Dewey
      Latuda is off the table for now due to the weird reaction.  We were considering Depakote, but psych doc just called and nixed that idea due to my NAFLD and chronic hyperammonia issues.  So, he wants me to start back on Zyprexa tonight and to call him tomorrow to see how I am doing.  He has been calling me daily over the past two weeks.  Several neighbors are suggesting assisted living, but my psych doc is saying no way, I'm not at that stage yet.  However, my mother started dementia at my age, but his position in this is that when on Zyprexa, it cures the confusion and other debilitating symptoms at least for awhile.  He says that if I had early dementia, I would not respond to the Zyprexa as well as I do.
      My neighbors are now concerned due to my inability to think straight and confusion which they are picking up on.  I have known this for sometime and have expressed my concern many times over my brain feeling like it is falling apart and unable to function in the real world.  Finally my psych doc is taking me seriously. 
      Dissociation is with me all day long, extreme anxiety and fear/panic/dread all day long, confusion is there all day long, just feeling unwell with these chronic migraines is keeping me in bed 3 days out of 5 days.  This is not a functioning life for me.  I am afraid to leave my apartment, I am afraid to hear from my neighbors that I am confused and not functioning well.  These daily reports are just overwhelming me.  I now turn off my phone, close my blinds and live in a shroud of secrecy.
      I will be seeing my headache/neurologist/seizure doc this week and will bring this up to him as well.  I hope I can make the appointment.
      Just sitting here after taking .5 mg of Klonopin to take the edge off.  Will start the Zyprexa this evening or sooner.
      Just a few points about my environment.  Two neighbor threatened my life here (verbally), neighbors that I get close to pass away suddenly (one right in front of me) (I live in an independent living facility and I am the youngest here - most have varying degrees of psychosis/dementia - hard to live with).  I went to a party last week and I sat alone at my table while others crowded around with each other excluding me.  I left and came home very depressed.  I am an easy target where I live, bullies come after me. I have no trust with anyone who lives here anymore. Have been here a year and can't connect with anyone, very depressing, so I stay alone in my apartment.   I do not drive and with my agoraphobia, leaving my home and venturing out alone is very very scary to me. 
      Just not a life that I want to keep living.  I have to get on something to help calm down my brain so I can function in the world.  I have been on most medications now and nothing works or the side effects are too harsh.  It's just becoming too hard now to function in this world. 
      Well, thanks for reading *smiles*
       
       
    • By Dewey
      So I saw my psych doc today and he feels the best reactions I have had to control most all my symptoms are in this class of medications.  Where I do not like this "named" class, I will give this one drug one more try.  I have been on them all but this one. All the others I can take for short bursts of time.  We are trying to find something I can take long-term.
      Starting tonight with 20 mg of Latuda.  I also asked for Cogentin to help with the horrible muscle spasms and rigid muscles.  Mail order will eventually get me the Trasadone to help with sleep and Cogentin for muscle issues. I asked for Xanax and he wouldn't allow that since it's too short acting.  I tried to convince him I need something for emergency purposes and he still said no.
      It's been 6 months since I have seen my psych doc and in 40 minutes he went thru all my back history, last 30 years to try to find something to help me. He also wrote to my landlord stating that my new kitten is my therapy cat and can therefore not charge me any pet deposits nor fees.  I love him for doing that for me !!!  
      So, after 35 years of treating me I asked... am I BiPolar or what am I?  He said basically I suffer under the umbrella of chronic PTSD, tramatic brain injury and childhood abuse.  The symptoms I continue to have will not go away, but need to be treated, great, huh?  At least he was truthful.  Settling in for the long-haul or what's left of my life. Somehow I was magically under the illusion I would be cured, lol. 
    • By Dewey
      Last night was scary for me.  I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing.  I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling.  It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me.  Soo weird !!!  Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me?  Never had this, this intense before.  I was afraid of........ me.
      I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard.  Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item.  I am now busy returning most of them.  However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. 
      What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me.  I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person.  I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru.  What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep.   Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. 
      I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me.  I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety.  Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. 
      Well, thanks for reading this.  I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me. 
       
×
×
  • Create New...