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STILL have crush on psychiatrist


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I still have a crush on my doctor.  I just adore him.  He is such a good doctor and he always makes me feel good about myself.  He is very supportive and sees all of my good points.  He's really helping build up my self esteem (this is the type of therapy he does, as opposed to the type where your doctor's job is to "challenge you).

Anyway, I just love him so much for how he's been there for me and how I feel that he truly likes and cares about me.  I wish I could tell him this but 1. I'm very aware that this is a boundary issue, and I'm trying to respect the boundary 2. What good could come of it?  It would probably just be awkward and weird.

But the crush never wanes...seeing him is the high point of my week...I've had other therapists before but I've never felt this understood.

*sigh*  he's also a cutie.

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Anyway, I just love him so much for how he's been there for me and how I feel that he truly likes and cares about me.  I wish I could tell him this but 1. I'm very aware that this is a boundary issue, and I'm trying to respect the boundary 2. What good could come of it?  It would probably just be awkward and weird.
It's called transference, it happens all the time, it's his job NOT yours to maintain the boundary.

I went through the same thing with my tdoc. Until I confessed my crush, I really didn't make any progress toward trusting him with my really deep (men-related) stuff.

They deal with this ALL the time. Tell him. Get it out in the open. You'll feel like a dork for a few minutes, but your relationship will be more open and he'll be able to help you more.

In the unlikely event he DOES NOT maintain the boundary, stop seeing him immediately and report him.

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Devon,  Do you want to tell him in hopes that he will feel the same or do you want to tell him because you feel it's affecting your progress? I never told my therapist because I knew it was part of therapy and it would pass. I used those feelings to motivate me to work harder and I reminded myself he's off limits and he's only doing his job. I no longer feel attracted to my therapist any more at all.

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Devon,  Do you want to tell him in hopes that he will feel the same or do you want to tell him because you feel it's affecting your progress? I never told my therapist because I knew it was part of therapy and it would pass. I used those feelings to motivate me to work harder and I reminded myself he's off limits and he's only doing his job. I no longer feel attracted to my therapist any more at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, once I came out to my tdoc and told him about my crush, not immediately, but then we could move on to how I have always sexualized relationships with men, in part I think, because of my skewed beginnings  ;) child sexual abuse  :) in learning about sex and stuff.

Now, even though I still think he's a cutie, I realize his beauty comes from inside out and I feel so comfortable with him. No sexual attraction at all anymore. Or like I told him, "maybe in another time, another life..." Now we get to give occassional hugs, slaps on the back, etc. Coming clean and putting the tranference thing behind me opened the door to a whole new wonderful level of intimacy with him. I might also note, in all my years of therapy, he is my first man. And that was a huge breakthrough for me. I started seeing him because he is well respected with dealing with death and bereavement, which when I started 2 years ago were my presenting problems. Ironically is name is Greevy. That cracks me up now.

Like Dr. Dick Chop in Austin, Texas who is a urologist and does vasectomies! My friend's husband had his done by this guy. Brave soul. LOL /threadjack

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  • 2 months later...

If you do tell him and he is a true professional, he may refer you to another dr for ethical reasons.  Your vision may well be clouded by your crush, which could interfere with your therapy. 

Of course we all like to see someone who makes us feel good about ourselves, but there have to be boundaries.

I guess you need to consider what you have to gain from telling him, or indeed what you have to lose (there may be nothing). 

Just remember that it could be an embaressing or upsetting situation for you as he is unlikely to reciprocate.

I dont mean to be negative, this reply sounds negative I know. I am just concerned for your well being.  Its not an uncommon scenario, interpreting his positive energy in this way.  Just be careful.

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  • 1 month later...

have a crush on my (same-sex) therapist, and I haven't brought it up yet either. What a scary thought! I'm really worried she'll want to refer me or something, and I wouldn't get to see her anymore. I know there have to be boundaries, but she's a really good therapist and somebody who sees the good in me, which is almost exactly what devon said earlier. as much as i don't want to, i think there's a bit of truth in what chimpmaster says...

good luck devon! i think i may tell mine sometime... ;)

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