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Not all of them. But some of them, the religious/spiritual ones. I know now they were technically delusions, but I can't help believing in them to this day. Namely, the interactions I've had with spirits and angels... I think those really happened. It's a taboo topic in therapy because I refuse to question my experiences.

Anyone keep on believing their "delusions" (with or without scare quotes) long after their acute period has faded?

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4 minutes ago, aura said:

Anyone keep on believing their "delusions" (with or without scare quotes) long after their acute period has faded?

Sometimes I do.  There is a fine line between believing them and not believing them, at least for me, and sometimes it seems to overlap.  I was mourning the voices and delusions at one point, and pdoc dx me with post-psychotic depression.  NOT that you have this, just what I went through when I was remembering all these things, all the delusions and hallucinations, and it was like I was mourning the loss of them.  

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[Suicidal ideation] I get this too. I had a couple of really powerful (um.. by our experiences, anyway) delusional episodes where.. Where I had a sudden revelation that the Universe had this cosmic machinery for harvesting suffering from certain people.. Or that that was what the Universe was for, I'm not entirely sure in hindsight. It just felt.. Like it was integrally woven into things, harder than the laws of physics, that there was this.. Machinery controlling events, controlling people, to milk suffering from certain individuals, and that I was one of them, being ground down as hard as I could be and only drip fed the minimum support to keep me from finally tipping into killing myself. And that.. My friends & loved ones were all.. Unknowningly being puppeteered into doing what they do for that purpose. That they were innocent in this but.. Being used to keep me alive & suffering for this cosmic.. harvest.

And.. Had like.. Aftershock? Waves of it coming on & Tri was able to "hell no" it away. And.. Sometimes when I'm feeling really down it.. Creeps back and.. It feels tempting, almost? Like.. Whispering (not literally/hallucinations) that this is evidence that it's all true, that I should believe it and finally escape. But.. Never as strong as those first 2 episodes.

EDIT: Sorry I guess that's kinda not the same, it's more.. My brain wants me to believe it again than I want to believe it. But it's.. Recurring.. Belief-stuff about a delusion.. So figured worth mentioning.

Whisper

Edited by WinterTidings
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I only really had mild delusions when I was most ill (mostly about being poisoned), and even then it was sort of intermittent and I was generally aware that I should keep them to myself because they would make me sound weird. But whenever I get 'pre-hypomania' I am always convinced that I'm impervious to weather (like the rain can't come within an inch of my skin because I radiate some sort of energy) and that I MUST go and write all these books right this second because they're going to CHANGE THE WORLD FOR SURE. Even when I think my mood isn't all that high those thoughts come back on very fast.

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One of my longest lasting and most intense delusions was that inanimate objects are alive and will hurt/kill me if I treat them badly, or don't appreciate them and treat them all equally. While it's gone away for the most part (coming on stronger as my symptoms get worse at the moment, though) even when I was pretty stable, I would always find myself apologizing to chairs and cars and stuffed animals etc if I was ever "rude" to them.

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It's hard to admit that something which feels really special isn't real. People who are not delusional certainly have no issue believing in things that are a bit delusional in nature. Ghosts, angels, psychics, saints etc... So long as you don't act on your past delusions and continue feeding them, it probably isn't hurting things. Just so you recognise you still have a disorder which is well known to cause delusions of a religious nature. If you must believe, be very careful.

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11 hours ago, saintalto said:

So long as you don't act on your past delusions and continue feeding them, it probably isn't hurting things. Just so you recognise you still have a disorder which is well known to cause delusions of a religious nature. If you must believe, be very careful.

(in bold) I think this is a really good thought  ... although it is much easier said than done when trying to not continue to feed the past delusions.  When you've been having delusions for so long, IME the harder it is to not believe them and harder to not act on them.

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I personally don't have that so much? I mean, I've had my fair share of delusions. Namely ones that I was going to be able to overthrow the US government and set up a successful socialist union with a bunch of people I met online because we were so enlightened and so far advanced compared to everyone else and then for awhile I had this delusion that Russia was going to nuke the US and that by taping cardboard over my windows I'd be able to protect myself from the past, tried to go full doomsday prepper at like 16, and thought I could build a fallout shelter in my backyard.

The only ones I really have noticed returning are the ones about Russia, and I just remember having this strong idea that they were going to try and take out me in particular? I don't know if that counts as delusions of persecution or what. But if that's the case, I can't say I've continued to believe my delusions of grandeur but for my delusions of persecution, yeah.

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Most I understand are false perceptions and hallucinations. Other people did not see them or do not believe them to be "real". Despite this a few persistent delusions have validity and influence my behavior, even when I'm stable.

To me the hallucinations were the only reality at the time. That's what I saw when I was there. So in my life they are legitimate memories and experiences. 

 

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10 minutes ago, paintedsky said:

Most I understand are false perceptions and hallucinations. Other people did not see them or do not believe them to be "real". Despite this a few persistent delusions have validity and influence my behavior, even when I'm stable.

To me the hallucinations were the only reality at the time. That's what I saw when I was there. So in my life they are legitimate memories and experiences. 

 

I couldn't have said this any better, especially the bold in the first 2 lines of this quote.

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On 16/12/2016 at 4:20 AM, paintedsky said:

To me the hallucinations were the only reality at the time.

 

I think this is only tangentially related to what you're talking about here, but; This reminds me of some of the scarier aspects of our delusional states, that.. People talk about fighting back against their delusions with Reason & Therapy Coping Skills & such and.. With one of mine that might've worked? I was like.. A very small "y'know this isn't rational at all" voice at the back of my head. ..A couple of others we had, though? The delusion was instantaneously The Whole Truth & Nothing But, and our belief in it was so total, complete & utterly-uncharacteristic of us that..

..In retrospect it's terrifying that our mind could just flip a switch of "you uncritically & wholeheartedly believe this thing now" and it happens. That's probably the scariest aspect of our delusions, that we might get ones that strong again, that the idea of even questioning it seems bizarre because it's so "obviously" true & lodged in our head as such. Only got through that week alive b/c partner was around.

Tri

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On 12/14/2016 at 10:18 AM, aura said:

Not all of them. But some of them, the religious/spiritual ones. I know now they were technically delusions, but I can't help believing in them to this day. Namely, the interactions I've had with spirits and angels... I think those really happened. It's a taboo topic in therapy because I refuse to question my experiences.

Anyone keep on believing their "delusions" (with or without scare quotes) long after their acute period has faded?

I do too. I have "delusions" when manic about how I am "the one" and I need to be spiritual and open a pathway between me and the spirit realm. When not euphoric manic, even when stable (which never lasts long though) I read up on books about life after death and psychic phenomenon, etc... because I still believe I was chosen to heal people using vibrational energy.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hope this helps a little.  I have had this discussion with my Pdoc. After episodes my delusions still seem very real to me.  It was explained to me that since during an episode my brain is believing these delusions to be real that even once I come back and are stable the brain still perceives it to be real on some level because at one point it "was".  

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  • 2 weeks later...

I guess religious delusions are tricky, because in our culture, especially in the past but still today, religious/spiritual experiences and belief are often regarded as healthy and possibly true. My nonna, with SZA, often heard god or the devil depending on manic or depression episode. She lived in a catholic nursing home, taken care of by nuns. I wondered how they might have reacted and whether they could have thought she might really hear god.

Edited by mcjimjam
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3 hours ago, dragonfly23 said:

My delusions live on in the back of my mind.

Some of mine do also ... mostly the ones that involve/d paranoia.  The delusions when I was paranoid never really left the back of my mind even after being stable on meds.  I try to remind myself that they aren't real ... at least I hope the aren't ... sometimes too many coincidences make me think whatever it is to be most likely real ... I mean how many coincidences does it take to make something real?

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